A few weeks ago, the Philadelphia Inquirer published a story about a woman who says she went to sleep in the home of a male friend, and when she woke up realized she’d been raped. The woman didn’t go to the police — she believed it would be useless. So the took matters into her own hands. She told her story on Facebook, naming the man who assaulted her.
When she did, other women posted about similar experiences with the same man. For the perpetrator shamed via Facebook, there were consequences . He was a musician, and lost gigs. His landlord threw him out of his building.
You can read the article here:
Why Philly sexual assault victims look to Facebook for ‘street justice,’ on philly.com.
To provide context around the issue of social media shaming, the Inquirer reporter asked experts about their views. One professor noted that once information is posted online, it is out of anyone’s control, and there’s no knowing what will happen. Another worried, according to the article, that “there’s a great deal of damage that can be done, and not much good.” She did, however, acknowledge that often victims don’t have good alternatives.
The experts seemed mostly concerned about the effect on the person being publicly shamed. The woman who posted the story, however, felt that she was making a public service announcement.
Exposing sociopaths
The story made me think about the question of exposing sociopaths on social media. Does it work?
My experience is that it does work, and you can avoid repercussions as long as the person you are exposing is not in a position to retaliate.
I launched Lovefraud in 2005. One of my goals was exposing my ex-husband, James Montgomery, as a con artist. At the time, he was still actively looking for new women to target. Six different women contacted me to say that Montgomery tried to hook up with them online. They Googled him, found Lovefraud, and dumped him. So in these cases, shaming my ex-husband was definitely a public service.
Still, I knew I was taking a chance. My ex-husband could have filed a lawsuit against me for defamation. I would have won, because everything I said was true, and I have documentation. Plus, the judge in our divorce found that he was guilty of fraud. But if Montgomery had filed a lawsuit, it would have cost me money to hire an attorney to defend myself.
Fortunately for me, my ex-husband was broke. And, he owed me more than $1.25 million from the judgment in our divorce. He couldn’t afford to take me to court.
Key question
So if you are considering outing a sociopath on social media, the key question is, does this person have the resources to come after you? If the answer is yes, you need to evaluate the risk, and determine if you’re prepared to accept it.
I explain what you need to think about in the following article:
Exposing the sociopath, on Lovefraud.com
Some sociopaths do have the means to retaliate against being exposed, but luckily, many do not.
Did you expose a sociopath online?
One of the key reasons why sociopaths are able to victimize one person after another is that their exploitative behavior is hidden. Many people who were targeted just don’t want to talk about what happened to them. I get it. But when no one talks about what happened, the sociopath just moves merrily along to the next victim.
If a crime is committed and the case is high profile enough, the police might get involved, the sociopath might be arrested and the case might go to trial. But most of us never see that. Often, the police are not interested in investigating what happened to us. Or, we know what happened, but we can’t prove it. There is no legal avenue to pursue.
But now we have the Internet and social media. We do have the means to ruin the reputation of people who deserve to have their reputations ruined.
So, have you exposed a sociopath online? If so, did it work? I’d love to hear your perspective. Please tell your story in a comment below. Or, you can send an email to donna@lovefraud.com.
at the time I found out I was more worried about the physical retaliation of my abuser, let alone trying to take him to court, he knew how to stay below the radar, now I dont care, he’s dead from a heroin OD. his name was marco veloza from Summerville MA
First, I want to introduce myself: I am Julia Barany, a Brazilian, living in Sao Paulo.
When I was struggling to get some order in my life, I was telling everyone about the monster I have been married to. I did not know how dangerous it could be. He filed a difamation lawsuit against me with forged proofs and witnesses and I was completely helpless to defend myself. He won!!!!! and besides having a disastrous financial situation, with HIS debts on my credit card, I had to pay him a huge amount of money of course I did not have. For the next years I was trying to avoid paying this new robbery until he finally got me. The amount tripled.
I started a specialization in Psychoanalysis and became a certified professional, specialized in helping Psychopath Victims. I published in November 2017 a Manual of survival for Psychopath Victims which is selling a lot. I have been interviewed in TV and in Radio, and published several articles on the subject. Although I never mentioned the croc´s name (That is how we call these beings: crocodile, false tears, only concerned in filling his own belly, and having no compassion, no love, with its thick skin), in some occasions I revealed that I have been married to one of those crocs. Since I have been married three times, I thought nobody would conclude which husband was the croc I was reffering to.
Last year he became so angry at my success in the media, after all I was describing in details his behaviour and his nature, that he spread over the internet that I was a fraud, with no certification and no authority to say and do what I was doing. Of course he was trying to show himself as a victim of a vicious woman. Well, he and his lawyer signed the document!
This was proof enough for me to file a lawsuit of difamation and violence against him. The judge ordered it to be a criminal lawsuit. The croc fled from Sao Paulo to a city outside without revealing his new address. Besides my lawsuit he is charged with other serious charges.
Lovefraud has been a very important support throughout my ordeal and I translated many articles by Donna Andersen into Portuguese and posted them on our website: http://www.psicopatasentrenos.com.br. We have a page on Facebook also: Superasas and a channel on Youtube.
Superasas in Portuguese means: superação – overcoming and getting super wings (asas). It means resilience and freedom.
Thank you, Donna Andersen! You have my eternal admiration and gratitude
Julia Barany
Julia – Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I am glad that you have overcome the situation and are helping others. It is so important for people to know that psychopaths are out there so we can protect ourselves.
Having to deal with multiple sociopaths and psychopaths in my life including my ex, his ex wife, and two of their five children (all sociopaths), the worst thing to do is expose them. They are very vicious, vindictive people. They don’t get embarrassed or ashamed of their actions like normal people do. They will be more enraged that they are losing control and being exposed for the monsters that they are, and they will seek to destroy you. Because they are such good liars and manipulators, people will tend to believe them including judges, police, and others in the community. In my opinion, and from my own personal experience, the best thing to to is stay away. Maybe it’s okay to let other’s in the community, or people you know know what they are, but to expose them online will just make them victimize you even more.
Hi! I’m the woman in the article that exposed their rapist. His name is John Cole (they weren’t able to say his name but I can and will). Thank you so much for using it as a basis for a blog post. It means so much to see my story spread and knowing it creates dialogue for others.
Yes! And Yes! To this day. If you punch in his name…all kinds of memes come up and he has been kicked to the curb, rejected, fired, and I feel the Poetic Justice of simple Street Cred! After all…suspicions were already raised…otherwise they would not have been Punching his name in a search bar! Lo & Behold what they saw rang true!
I would be afraid of repercussion of exposing openly. One thing that I have done is mark their phone numbers as UNSAFE. There is a website where you can look up a phone number. http://callername.com/
Go to the website and put in a phone number. Check out the results
It then asks if this is an unsafe number and you can click on YES. I have done this in hopes that someone might find it and now see that this person unsafe. It is a little behind the scenes but like many said, I don’t need anyone coming at me with law suits etc. So this is my little way of putting out a warning. There are also many other sites where you can look up information and all you need it a phone number. Now I was not married to one but was online dating and really took to investigating who I was going out with. PAID OFF – TWICE!!
I’m not scared at all. My exsp is a disbarred attorney ( of course it’s not his fault) lol! Therefore he is intelligent… I felt I had an obligation to warn others because he is very very smooth I wasn’t always this confident in the beginning believe me I struggled so hard to get over him cuz I so deeply deeply loved him it took me a long time to let go and go no contact without cheating I always let him back in.
The one thing that really did it for me as far as putting an end to it was that I went through some really hard times and he could have helped me and he didn’t ..in other words he couldn’t even be a decent friend.. mind you I don’t have kids with him and I was never married to him I can’t even imagine being in those places
When I first found LoveFraud, I was very afraid to disclose anything about him, or our past marriage online..I had NO idea who was reading the articles/comments (or if someone who knew HIM would make the connection with me)..as time went on, though, I got more and more brave and began posting my comments and stories. I’ve told more of my past on this blog than anywhere else. He would NEVER be on any website like this (psychopaths are perfect, remember? they do NO wrong)..and no one has said anything to me about being on here. Still, if he WAS in a postion of local authority (which he is not)..I would be very wary of posting anything which might lead him or someone he knows, back to me. There ARE pages on Facebook, about psychopaths/abuses/parental alienation, etc) but I learned NOT to post comments there. I got into trouble with the sons, over those postings. On Love Fraud, I feel quite safe.
Decades ago, I did not know the word, “sociopath,” and this was before the Internet, sadly, my first Lesbian lover was a sociopath, I wrote an article about her in a local Lesbian magazine (that no longer exists), calling her a “conwoman,” not mentioning her name and I wrote the article anonymously. Amazingly, many readers RECOGNIZED her, and some recognized me. Tragically, she had bed-hopped through the Lesbian community. More heart breaking, I found out she sought out disabled women (I am one of them). Got out before she did me much damage (my therapist did not know what I was talking about), but I was validated by her lover after me, also disabled, who put up with her infidelity because of her low self-esteem. Also met her boss, who transferred her from one city to another, because she could not keep her hands off the women, Straight or Gay!
Hello All: I would definitely recommend spreading the word about your predator using social media. However, I would caution to be prepared with information and for the attempted retaliation! Some tips I would include would be to document and verify your story with photos, emails, voicemails, texts, official records, etc. to ensure you can prove your claims. In my case, it wasn’t just my word, I compiled a copious amount of evidence/back-up plus the combined testimonies of several other women who were also conned by him. Our offender’s attorney threatened legal action against us personally, against the publisher of the blog, sent private investigators to our homes, filed police reports, and even threatened legal action at my place of work – NONE of which ever came to anything or was ultimately pursued because “truth is the ultimate defense” and the burden of proof rested with him – and since we had the truth on our side in addition to an overwhelming amount of compelling evidence, he was wise not to move forward with his claims of defamation. Since the initial publication of my story, we’ve been approached by media consultants, major news outlets, and production companies. You never know who your story might help – and what might come out of telling your truth! You can read about him here:
https://lovelifeom.com/part-1-ninas-story/
https://lovelifeom.com/part-2-ninas-story/
https://lovelifeom.com/part-3-ninas-story/