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Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear

By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW

[Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.]

You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot tolerate. You find yourself accommodating his wishes more and more to stop his negative reactions. You keep trying to figure out ways to get through to him, make him happy, save the relationship. You no longer feel safe and cared about. You don’t feel good about yourself anymore. You may feel victimized often. You probably feel anxious a lot, and perhaps even think you are paranoid about things that don’t seem quite right.

Perhaps you have already found out he has conned, deceived, played, or cheated you, or he has begun to abuse you. When you try to bring up the deception or the way he has hurt, dismissed, or abused you, he only gets enraged or turns it around on you or dismisses you again. Maybe you have walked away or threatened to walk away, after which he has turned into the lovestruck partner you had originally and wooed you back with sex and “love bombing,” convincing you to believe that you really are the love of his life and he needs you — only to go back to hurting and deceiving you in the same way once you’re securely tied to him again.

Maybe you’ve had enough and are ready to leave now. Or maybe you’re not to the point of being sure, but you are checking out the Lovefraud site for answers, wondering if you are with a sociopath. Whether you are near the point of being ready to leave or trying to get clarity about it, leaving is never easy to do. You have invested your heart and emotions, time and faith in this person. You’ve come to find your partner to be unpredictable, raging, even abusive. He has no regard for boundaries and yours are violated on a regular basis, so you are not sure what he is capable of once you decide to go.

Your conscience may give you hesitation. In examining yourself, you may be wondering where you haven’t been loving enough, good enough, desirable enough, etc. You may not be sure you have done everything in your power to make the relationship work. Breaking your loyalty, commitment, or vows probably goes against the grain of your convictions. And, then, looking beyond the relationship to life on your own, you have to deal with a tremendous loss — if not for the sociopathic person you have come to recognize, then for the dream you had for the relationship. You’d have to start over and be alone again, not knowing if you’ll ever find someone else. You may not have financial resources. You might even wonder if you can survive the climb to the other side.

Leaving takes losing your attachment to the sociopath so you are less affected by his manipulations and control. Leaving takes losing your fear of him, your fear of feeling loss and loneliness, and your fear of an unknown future. To reach that place of detachment and courage, you will need to get back in touch with your core self that got lost along the way. It’s a gradual process, but if you do some of the following exercises daily, it will help get you there. (These are abbreviated to get you started. Each category will be explained in more detail in future articles.)

Detachment Exercises:

With your arms, make an imaginary boundary around your person, as if you were creating an invisible shield. Make a conscious commitment to not let your self go beyond its boundary, not to let yourself “leak out” to accommodate your partner. Begin by just noticing when you do this. Notice what you feel in your body. Try to keep your self “contained” behind this barrier. Redo this exercise as often as you need to remind yourself.

Visualize an invisible shield between you and your partner that puts you in an observing stance. Step back and try to observe your interactions with him/her as if you were watching from the outside or from up above.

Centering:

  • Meditation/Prayer (guided or non-guided from Youtube.com, CD’s, or silently.)
  • Body Relaxation — Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and relax each part of your body.
  • Journaling your thoughts and feelings (you can always tear up or delete when you are done).
  • Visualize yourself acting in protective ways, with strength.
  • Positive affirmations about yourself daily (breathe them in).
  • Breathe deeply. Locate fear in your body. Breathe in strength, breathe out fear.
  • Acknowledge the things you do that feel good or that you accomplish each day.
  • Appreciate something about yourself in the last 24 hours.

Be mindful:

Awareness breeds detachment breeds change. Begin to be inside your body as much as possible. Notice what sensations your body feels, where your emotions are located in your body.

One Minute Daily Mindfulness Exercise: Close your eyes.

  • Focus on the thoughts in your head. Just notice what they are, don’t judge them. Acknowledge them by saying something like, “That’s the way it is right now.”
  • Focus all your attention now on your breathing. Just the breathing in and breathing out, either naturally or deeply. Keep your attention there for a few moments.
  • Put your attention now on your body. Notice any sensations in your body. Notice what it feels like to be inside your body right now. Notice any emotions located in it. When you feel ready, open your eyes.

Pay attention to triggers: (You may need the help of a therapist in gaining awareness of the following, but perhaps you can begin to notice on your own):

Notice what negative emotional states and thoughts about yourself get triggered by your partner — try to recognize what is being triggered from your past. And notice what your reactions are — how you try to get nurtured or validated (and of course how useless it is!). Instead, practice ways of validating and nurturing yourself.

Notice when in interactions with the sociopath you feel like a “victim” (we all have one in us), and what you do when you feel it. Recognize your abused, abandoned, hurt, lonely, or neglected inner child there. Soothe and comfort the child. Tell the child s/he is safe, loved, worthy.

Release/Regulate Emotions (after you become mindful of them):

  • Yoga
  • Exercise (walking, running, dancing, vigorous, martial arts)
  • Journal your thoughts and emotions
  • Scream or punch pillows, a mattress, or punching bag
  • Tap parts of your body that have tension with your finger, or the vagus nerve (left side of neck) — this helps calm an emotional reaction
  • Tap alternately the palms of your hands with the opposite finger, or drum on something with the palms of your hands (as above)

Get Support: Start talking to family, friends, a religious cleric, a therapist, a counselor about what’s going on in your life in order to get clarity and strength.

Self-Care:

  • Nutrition
  • Exercise
  • Do something nice for your body
  • Pleasureable activities

Comment on this article

24 Comments on "Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear"

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Excellent article Mary Ann, it is difficult to become aware of what is going on, how we feel, and what makes us feel the feelings. The psychopath keeps us in such a “spin cycle” that it is difficult to know what we even think, much less feel. Your exercises are wonderful ways to get in touch with what is going on inside ourselves.

Personally I spent so much time trying to appease the psychopaths in my life/family that I didn’t have time to even know what I felt besides “stressed” but I didn’t realize what was causing the STRESS.

Once I stopped trying to appease them and got some distance away from them I was able to start to heal, to take care of Myself.

Today was a fairly stressful day, because I was talking about psychopaths with someone and so it was a bit stressful for me, but I have declared that tomorrow is a HOLIDAY and so I’m going for a drive into the Ozark mountains to see the fall leaves and enjoy a beautiful fall day. Thanks for this article, Mary Ann.

Thank you for putting this blog together, it is excellent and I hope more people find the strength & courage to leave the sociopath in their life. Living in fear is brutal, but facing it head-on and rising above it will bring a freedom that is indescribable.

This blog is 100% right on with my experience as a victim living with a sociopath, and as a survivor today praciticing self-care. You should see my pics while I was with sociopath and my pics today. You wouldn’t recognize me!

Keep up the good work! Exposing this behavior and sharing our knowledge/experiences will be key to giving others a second chance at life. That is my goal 🙂

Wonderful advice. I have recovered before after leaving the psychopath but it seems to be a recurring theme in my life as it is pushed back into my life by my family and the layers of the onion peel off. I just rejoined what I will call the “spa” to hopefully sound good and motivate me to go…just a health club at a local church but it is nice.

With my sister’s terminal cancer emotions are high, family tensions volatile and old patterns of dysfunction flaring. My husband said that we have all of contentions of little girls without the resilience of youth. And it is so true. Our inner children are all screaming at the cancer, the fact that we are aging and not as competent to handle a crisis. Thankfully my daughter is a very competent nurse and has accepted my sister’s request to be in charge. My daughter called me today for the first time since she went no-contact months ago. She agreed to keep me informed about my sister. This is so scary to try to have no expectations and complete fear of displeasing her again. Hope in a such a time of despair seems wrong or impossible.

All three sisters married pathologicals and I am the only one who admitted it and recovered. Both sisters and my daughter still want to believe that “it” is normal. My sisters have each divorced two psychopaths and “forgiven” or denied their transgressions. They do not want to admit that psychopaths exist nor does my daughter and they are suffering more than me by fighting to not know. And I cannot and will not deny what I know to be a fact because they want me to. I told each sister recently that it is okay to be angry when they were angry but all I get from all of them is that I am the only one who gets angry and I am not allowed to get angry. Granted, my anger needs some work but protecting myself from them and the ex is considered by them to be anger…and it probably is. Why can he not just go away forever like theirs did?

They cannot see the frightened little child behind my anger. I saw her clearly today. She said that she was not afraid of anger. We knew that and that she is afraid of abandonment. Her fear of abandonment causes her to lash out to save herself. This is just a new layer of the onion but it is an important one. She said that she was so ignored, left out and persecuted as the youngest child that being beaten by a raging giant (her father) like her big sisters were was good. It felt good because it let her know that she existed and mattered too. This is very hard for me to look at so I had to write it down lest I deny that little child again. Part of me wants to put it back into disassociation and make it go away. I will not, I will protect her forever and I will regain my physical, mental and spiritual power again so I am able to protect her properly as she deserves.

Thank you Skylar for the books you recommended. I ordered a copy of it for each of us. I am going to heal again and get through this family tragedy intact. This has to be a healing time, not a tearing apart time. My sister with cancer wants me here so I will be here. I want to be here for my sister so I will be here. Those who think I should not be here are wrong, ignore psychopathy and blame me. I must accept that. We all agree who matters most right now. She wants to make her own decisions now and she wants my daughter to make the decisions if she cannot do it for herself and I will be here and honor that.

Protecting my inner child is necessary to do what I have to do. Thank you for reminding me what it is that I have to do in order to keep my inner child safe from my sisters and to keep my daughter and sisters safe from my inner child. I have to be my own grown-up and take care of myself! The instructions given here are right on, I simply forgot.

Mary Ann. Reading your post is like reading my story of 18 months with an spath. Thank you so much for helping me on my journey to heal and find real love.

Dear Betsy,

When you are feeling sad, bad, guilty, depressed….etc. it is your inner child being “beaten” by your “critical INTERNAL parent.” when you recognize these feelings. STOP yourself and ask yourself (let your INNER ADULT TAKE CHARGE) “WHY IS MY CHILD FEELING THIS?”

The answer will come to you…have “conversations” with yourself, let your inner child talk to your inner adult…and let your inner adult tell your INTERNAL CRITICAL PARENT to “shut the fark up!” Give yourself permission to MUTE that inner critical parent and “reparent” yourself with your own INNER ADULT that loves yourself.

You are NOT required to allow others to abuse you verbally or otherwise. You can allow your INNER ADULT to stand up for your inner child and PROTECT HER. She deserves to be protected and nurtured, and since your real life relatives aren’t going to do this, then you must allow your own self to do it.

It is a learning process but many of us have not had good nurturing in our homes when we were growing up and our inner children do not know that they deserve to be loved and treated wit respect. So as adults we can learn the things that we need and deserve and then we can (without going “off”) we can calmly express our needs, and expectations.

We CAN NOT however convince someone else of something if they DO NOT WANT TO LEARN IT. No matter how true something is, we cannot make someone else believe it with ALL the evidence in the world.

If your daughter and your sisters do not believe that Ps are “real” you are not going to convince them…so give up trying. Quit expecting them to do something they are NOT going to do.

If you try to teach a pig to sing you are only going to frustrate yourself and pith off the pig. So save your effort and focus on teaching yourself to take care of YOU. God bless. You are on the right track!

Mary Ann, thank you SO much for this article!!! It’s precisely what I needed to read, when I needed to read it.

OxD, spot-on, 100%. People aren’t going to be “convinced” of the truth, even if it fell out of the sky on to their faces and wiggled.

The “inner child discussion” is also 100% spot-on. We are not obligated by any law to tolerate bad behaviors, no matter who’s doing it, or what their excuses are. My “inner child” is a fear-based entity that requires a LOT of talk and assurances from my “inner adult.” Love, unconditional, and protection, uncondtional, are what I have the ability to provide to that inner child and nobody else has that ability except myself.

As a strict and off-topic aside, I am horrified by the devastation of Hurricane Sandy, and this disaster has been another painful reminder (like a SLAP in the FACE painful) that I don’t have it so dammed bad.

Brightest blessings

Hello all. I have not posted in awhile as once again I have let my guard down. In reference to the above article it really hit home with me about how I would re-examine myself over and over and wonder how I could have done things differently. It seem that the majority of articles here and the stories are about sociopathic men and sometimes I feel even more alone having been victimized by a woman sociopath, not that I am wishing more suffering on more men mind you.

I have a unique situation in that even though I know I have reached the stage where I no longer think about how I could have done things differently I cannot be completly free as this woman still is friends with my sister, which to me allows for a way in or, she now has an informant. My sister knows I don’t like it, but she mantained a friendship with my first girlfriend for 23 years who cheated on me every chance she had so I guess I should not be surprised.

I try the best I can and my ex has emailed me about money owed to me, which I quickly recognised as another way in. She even had the nerve to suggest that we become a friends with benefits since we could not live together. I will try the excercises mentioned and agree with the article. That said. Thank you and good luck to us all.

Torn,
your sister sounds very toxic. Is there a reason why you haven’t gone NC with her?

Yes, I know that there are many female spaths. So sorry you had to run into one. I’ve met MANY. But I guess, since they can’t use sex on me to bond me, I’ve escaped pretty much all of them. So, I can only echo Louise, who adamantly insists that we keep our pants on until we know someone very very well. Sex is a trap that they ALL use.

skylar:

Power to the pants! Haha! Keep ’em on!!!!

Torn,

I have probably worked with many female spaths. My profession originally were a lot of uneducated women scratching and clawing to the top. I didn’t recognize them as spaths but as viscious and mean. I believe a long time roommate of mine was a spath and she is high functioning. That’s probably been the most confusing. I am finding there may be high functioning female spaths in my family of origin and I am just coming to terms with it.

So the educating of us all will help us all not feel so alone.

Like Skylar said I haven’t been seduced or love bombed that I am aware of by a female spath so it looked different to me than a male psycho/sociopath. I have seen the wreckage of these females but they were more twisted but high functioning. I saw a lot of jealousy and competitiveness with them when I wasn’t wanting to play but there is definite lack of conscience.

They have a famous female one on TV right now. They are calling her a con and fraud but her first son is describing her as a full blown spath. Says when he found out about his mom and his half brother (Sante and Ken Kimes)murdering people that he knew she was capable of it and he felt he was one of the only people who KNEW her. There are people vouching for what a kind woman she was. The first son says she would wear people down. Nobody could ever keep up with her in her game.

The helpful tips in the above article is just what I need to read daily……….and DO….

Thank you for the reponses. To Skylar regarding my sister maintaing her friendship with this woman, I can say that she has told me that she does not believe that my ex girlfriend is a sociopath but has admitted that her stories never add up. I cannot even ask her qustions about my ex without her going off on me and telling me that I am controlling who she is friends with. I met this woman shortly after my mother died. We broke up and for four months I never saw her until she came to the hospital when my dad was very ill and then I was love bombed,let her back in,helped her move,lent her money and when she was settled I got the boot. My sister knows all of this yet claims that she believes deepdown she is a good person, just a compulsive liar! I have my dad who is in poor health and I live with him and my sister is the only other family I have. I suffer with anxiety issues and have Tourettes syndrome as well. Sorry if this is too much information, but all I really have is my dad and I have been trying to maintain what little relationship I have with my sister, but she is not one you can get very close to as I have tried. Not a pity party here, just the facts.

I cannot afford a therapist, so I come here and try to get self help. It does help a little, but I know it is going to take a lot of time before I can get over everything this woman has put me through. I better stop writing now before I end up writing a book . Thanks!

Torn,

I don’t feel your post was too much information at all.

It does take a lot of time but you are already making progress just by reaching out and speaking about what you are attempting to get through. Some things work better and faster than others for each person.

I hope you find some tools here that help you to speed up your process but I have found it’s up/down up/down as we rebuild.

Torn, if you have a number of diagnosed issues, you may well qualify for some medical assistance that will include “mental health” benefits. It may well be worth the time to contact your local Social Services department to find out.

In the meantime, your sister’s friend sounds like an enabler and drama/trauma addict. The question about “No Contact” is still in the air. Asking any question about the spath ex is contact – you don’t need to know. Whether she owes you money or not, there is no reason to even glean any information about this person because it will not make any difference as to her being a sociopath. “No Contact” means no type of contact, including third-party. This topic has come up again, and again, and it is an imperative that we understand that conversations that include questions about how, what, where, and why the spaths are doing is the same thing as contacting the spath.

“Grey Rock” the sister’s friend and your sister, if you need to. For whatever reason, your sister is allowing this drama-thon to continue when it clearly shouldn’t. You don’t have to allow this, Torn. You may not be able to control what comes out of the sister’s friend’s mouth, but you can certainly control your own actions and responses by firmly saying, “What’shername is not a topic open to discussion. I don’t want to know.” Then, the conversation either moves in a different direction, or you get up and walk away.

It’s very tempting to engage in a “Tell Me Everything” discussion, because we have been hammered down to such a degree that we cannot often manage the subsequent damages. That you’re trying to manage other issues has a definite impact on your vulnerabilities to this temptation, as well. Take control of this situation for yourself. You can do this, and you can “grey rock” anyone that you are forced to interact with without being used for someone’s entertainment.

Brightest blessings of encouragement

Torn, as an aside, you’re “allowed” to write a book about your experiences and feelings! 🙂

So I’m here at my dad’s place and its not getting any better. Everytime I put on outfit my dad has a problem with it. He says I’m either wearing it wrong or I’m dressed inappropriately. He says I can’t wear heels in public. I refuse to listen to him so then we get into an argument. He always has to say something about my clothes. my hair, how I speak, and what I do. Its always so negative. Yesterday, he kept trying to “fix” my hair because he didnt like the way I wore it. He kept saying why don’t you comb your hair? Im like I dont comb curls out because one it hurts and two thats not how I like to wear it. He says you are wearing it all wrong. I’m sitting here like he’s a man since when does he know what women are supposed to wear. He keeps pressuring me to take medication that I dont think I should take at all. Apparently, the doctor thinks I have a slight case of schizophrenia because I’m suspicious of the people in my family and supposedly told them I hear voices. The medication gives me a nasty headache for days. He’s like if you don’t take your medication then you aren’t going back to college. So he puts it upon himself to “remind” me to take the medication. He says the reason I’m not in college this year is because I didn’t honor my parents as the Bible says. It was my fault that I’m not in school and that it was the choice that I made. I’m like no its because you refuse to pay my tuition. He even got my aunt believing that its my fault that I’m not in school. My aunt called me and said that She honors her parents and thats why her life is easy. If I learn to honor my parents, then I could have been back in college. I told her frankly that thats not why I’m not in school. I asked my dad, my mom and my grandmother to help me but they kept playing games. Then, she sort of sat back for a second quietly. She then try to defend them and said I should forget about it. Forget about it? Are you serious? Now I know whenever I need help I should never turn to my family because they won’t help. I’ve been trying to find a job so I can at least support myself but I have no luck thus far. My dad keeps saying I should work because his parents didn’t have money to fully support him in school. I should work while I’m in school and learn the hard way about life. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind working but finding a job is hard these days. I just don’t want the family “attempting” to help me because truthfully all they offer are words, words, words, and more words. My aunt told the family that I have bad friends so whenever I hang out with friends they “discourage” it. They eavesdrop whenever I’m on the phone with friends. They all say we are your family and your friends are giving you the wrong advice. I just want peace and freedom here. I’ve tried the shelter but they keep saying its full.

Hurtnomore, this has been an ongoing issue for you for a long, long time, now.

It is not my intention to come off harsh, here, and I sincerely hope that you don’t take it that way, but you have many options and you’ll either choose one, or you won’t.

Going to a shelter to escape the toxic environment will be jumping from the fire into a frying pan. Homeless shelters are NOT nice places. There are parasites of all sorts – human and insect. You won’t be able to take your personal belongings and have them safe. Most shelters are either dormitory situations, or they’re like open gymnasiums with rows of cots.

As for getting a job, do anything, at this point. Waitress, fast-food, grocery clerk, dishwasher, ANYTHING. If you’re still enrolled in college, then get into their student worker roster.

If you’re talking on the phone to your friends, then you know people who may be interested in sharing living arrangements, but I caution this option, as well. Becoming roommates can RUIN a friendship, forever. How about being a live-in companion for a senior citizen?

There is no simple, easy way to exit a toxic environment, Hurtnomore. There just isn’t. Even men and women who have successful careers to fall back upon have a difficult time exiting a toxic environment and relationship. You are young and you have the ability to do anything that you have to in order to put and end to your own situation.

I’m not trivializing your situation, and I hope that you understand this. What I’m trying to say is that this has been an ongoing situation for you and you are of legal age so that you can make choices and take actions that will be positive. You are the sole keeper of your own peace and freedom, and you’ll either unlock that door, or not.

Brightest blessings

Edit add: I just read over your post, again, and I missed that you were not in college this semester. If you get out on your own, you will be eligible for financial aid AND work-study.

Hurtnomore,

I know you would like for your father to allow you to dress the way you would like, to pay your tuition to school, etc. and not criticize you at all, but that is not how life works.

When we are dependent on others for the roof over our heads we also must follow the rules that they set.

As for the medication that you are prescribed, if it is giving you side effects, then I suggest that you go back to the doctor who prescribed it and tell them so maybe they can give you a different medication.

schizophrenia can be treated successfully so that you can live a happy, independent and productive life. You are a smart young woman, I have no doubt about that, but you must also learn to be independent and provide for yourself. In order to do this you may need to take some medication. By working with your doctor and your therapist you can find the right medication to take that won’t give you head aches or other side effects. Schizophrenia even a little bit can be a serious problem in becoming an independent member of society. I know it is not easy to accept a diagnosis that we may not like…even diabetes is not an easy diagnosis to accept…but whatever the problem is, diabetes or schizophrenia,taking medication and altering our life style some can make a difference in how happy our lives are.

When you become independent, NO one can tell you how to wear your hair, so in the meantime, just work very hard on finding a job, ANY kind of a job, even a part time one. That is a good start on independence. Then talk to your doctor about maybe changing your medication or finding a way to control the side effects.

Good luck, sweetie, you know i am always in your corner! (((hhugs)))

Hi all,

I have never been here before but I am convinced that my (soon to be Ex-) Wife is a psychopath. Reading this article has had a profound effect on me and I wish to thank the author. It is hard for men to admit when we have been abused, especially if it is done by a woman. We are taught to suppress out emotions and that we are somehow less of a man if we cannot marshal our home and relationship. Reading something like this really helps us plug in to those suppressed emotions and makes it okay to feel them. This article is so poignant it brought me to tears. Some background on my situation:

We have been together for 15 years and I have been abused for 15 years. I have suffered Financial, physical, sexual, mental, and emotional abuses from her. Although I am not a doctor or anything I am certain that she exhibits almost all of the symptoms of being a psychopath:

Factor 1 Traits (Primary Psychopathy)
• Glib and superficial ”“ Everyone who meets her loves her charm, wit, and humor, until they disagree with her, then they avoid conflict at all costs
• Egocentric and grandiose ”“ It is her world; only her interpretation of anything has any value or merit. Those in her life that do things for her are only doing what they are supposed to. It is not a gift to her it is her right.
• Lack of remorse or guilt ”“ Her behavior is never her fault, it is everyone else that has caused her reaction and they need to change.
• Lack of empathy ”“ In 15 years she has never said “it will be okay, we can figure this out” She has only said “It is your fault, figure it out!”
• Deceitful and manipulative ”“ She wants to control everything I do, say, or feel and if I don’t comply there is hell to pay. (i.e. she tried to embezzle $20k from my private account due to a perceived slight.)
• Shallow emotions ”“ She hasn’t “made out” with me in 12 years, she demands affection an d never reciprocates unless it is convenient or she needs to prove a point.

Factor 2 Traits (Secondary Psychopathy)
• Impulsive ”“ Not really her, she needs to meticulously plan everything.
• Poor behavior controls ”“ VERY rage prone. Not just angry, raging.
• Need for excitement ”“ Not really her. She prefers to watch the more edgy reality shows versus doing anything that may hazard herself or her plans.
• Lack of responsibility ”“ See above. It is always someone else’s fault.
• Early behavior problems – She was a self proclaimed problem child. She exhibited many of these behaviors since being a toddler.
• Adult antisocial behavior ”“ Only to me. To everyone else she needs to be the center of attention.

Dealing with this has made me lose so much of myself and this article and the information found on this site has been invaluable in strengthening me and helping me find direction. I am now getting ready to divorce her and start over. I have secured an apartment and am looking to move out in the next couple of weeks. I am tired of being afraid. Your kind comments are welcomed.

IamTitanium,

Welcome to LF. Your wife sounds like a classic disordered person, with sociopathic characteristics, for sure.

Lovefraud has saved many people, who come here and find total validation and acceptance. I am glad you found the site. I have been here, off and on, for about 5 years. The articles and the posters pulled me through the darkest of time.

You sound like you are on your way to getting out of this awful situation. Keep coming here for support and learning…..

Slim One

Titanium,
welcome to LF.
Your life will change for the better once you are free from the toxic relationshit.

Hopefully, you don’t have children with her?

There will be layers of slime that you will need to work at removing from the 15 years of being sh*t on, but it does come off. Really. The key is to learn as much as you can about the dynamics of how this happened to you and why. You will end up learning more about yourself than you ever imagined that there was to know. And that, is how you will shine.

Titanium, read, absorb, and recover. This site can assist like no other can.

Welcome to LoveFraud, and I’m sorry that you were compelled to find this site.

Titanium, yep, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, so learn and take back your power. It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick….it takes a long time to recover, but it is worth it.

Again, welcome to Love Fraud….glad to have a guy’s point of view. There ARE a few guys here and always glad to have more.

Thank you all for the support and kind words.

Skylar,

Unfortunately, I have a three year old son with her. We were actually getting divorced ~5 years ago when she suddenly became very interested in canoodling with me and after ten years of trying, fertility treatments and nothing, she’s pregnant. She then hits me with how unfair it is that I have raised her two children and now that I am having one of my own, I will miss out. Like a bull to the slaughter I cave in and move back in with her. Soon there after the “Lovebombing” runs began.

I started therapy to try and come to grips with why nothing I did was ever good enough. My therapist said I was suffering the classic signs of an abused person. That my wife was abusing me and i needed ongoing therapy.

Unfortunately, my wife would not put me on her insurance, and I could not afford continued therapy. So each time my EAP resets I use the 4 free sessions I get from them to get help.

I wish I knew then, what I know now. But, then again hindsight is always 20/20. I do however now know that, forgive the song quote, WE ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER, GETTING BACK TOGETHER!

Dedicating this thread for my one year anniversary “free of spath” (Fri 9/27/13)

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