A Lovefraud reader informs us that the current issue of Psychology Today features an article about narcissists—how they behave, and how to detect them. It’s an interesting article, because narcissism is a component of sociopathy. All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths.
Read How to spot a narcissist, on PsychologyToday.com.
Note: The article quotes the theories of a researcher named Peter Jonason, among others. Lovefraud has written about Jonason’s ideas before—I don’t agree with them. You can read it here:
Dear Hope4joy,
I meant to answer your post and we lost electric power for a couple of hours so I decided to go take a nap! I wrote down the name of that book and though I have way too many still unread books on my “to read” shelf I will keep it and when I get down to a reasonable amount of unread books order it. Maybe by then it will be available in paper back.
How are you doing? Well I hope. ((((hugs))) Oxy
Constantine: mwahh! xxoo Hi. I am doing alright; what about you? Yes, we NEED to focus on taking care of ourselves unless we just want to completely throw ourselves into the fire; hmmm? Yes, I know how you feel: solitary lifestyle….I don’t even have two or three intimate friends anymore. I have my family and that is MORE than plenty for me. 🙂 They are a light in my life. They always have been and I have been blessed with warm, loving, kind, and sensitive children.
Trying to not overdo it. 🙂 THAT is a task. hehehe
I get out enough. I do the things I absolutely have to do but no more. I can’t stand being in that tank of sharks. 😉
lol: “a modest amount of human contact”; ahahahahahaha
That is very funny for an agoraphobic to hear. 🙂 How ‘modest’ is ‘modest’? 🙂 hahahahaha
I tell the kids all the time if people don’t get off my case, I am going to run away from home and go to Vegas and become a showgirl. 🙂 hahahaha
My love and best of wishes and prayers are with you my Friend. It’s nice to read you. I am doing alright today. In fact, not having all that drama from “IT” in my life anymore is so liberating. Truly. Two medical appointments this week for the ticker. We’ll see what it brings.
DUPED
DUPED:
I was just thinking today about how in general I lead a very lonely life. Now that I don’t work full time (left that job behind to get away from X spath and the OW), I don’t have that everyday interaction with work people. I do have a part time job, but it’s only a couple times per month at least for now in the summer. I have family, but they are 400 miles away. I do have some good friends here, but they are either married or dating. Soooo, when I am home, I am alone and that is a lot of the time. I do get out and meet friends for lunch, dinner, go to church every week, exercise, but I go to bed alone and wake up alone. I have been doing OK, but still have had a past few days that have been sad. I am struggling with hot flashes in beyond 90 degree weather and it is draining me. I have been feeling down just thinking about how I meant nothing at all to the X spath. I still think about him so much and I know I never even cross his mind so I try to do anything to stop thinking about it and it just isn’t working. I know I have gone through this before on here and months keep passing by and I still end up feeling like I am basically in the same place. I find myself replacing sex with food. I am still far from overweight, but I have gained six pounds since I left my job 11 months ago. I try to exercise enough to offset it. Most of the time I eat pretty healthy, but sometimes I binge. And the next day I will restrict calories again to balance things out. I know it’s not the healthiest thing to do, but anyway.
I am glad you are doing OK! I hope your medical appointments go OK this week…keep us posted.
Star:
Are you here? I think you were going to give me ways to deal with my anger when you have the time…thanks!
((((Louise))))
Right; I understand. I was laid off from my long time position just about four years ago now and then was put on medical disability and then had my breakdown and heart attack. Oh yes, that ‘interaction’ with people at work. I don’t have any of that now. But I don’t miss it. Not really. This is the first time in my life that I have actually been able just to be responsible for myself. 🙂 Since the age of 18 years old, when I first became a mother, I have always been a mother. If you know what I mean. 🙂
Yes, I am alone 99.9% of the time. Unless I pump myself up real good and step out of my safe zone. 🙂
I am sorry you have had a past couple of sad days, Louise. KEEP YOURSELF COOL! Have you tried drinking soy milk for your hot flashes? I have not had any problem with change of life, having gone through it a long time ago, after hysterectomy. But I have had friends tell me that soy milk really helps them.
Louise, Dear Louise, you simply must realize what a wonderful, giving, caring person you are. You need to ignore that evilness and find some happiness in this life. It sounds to me like you are doing way better than I am! At least you are getting out and among other people. I still can’t bring myself to do it. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to associate with anyone. I know that is not normal but maybe, in a way, it’s more normal than one would think. 😉
It takes a long time to work through this Louise. I have been trapped in this for just about five years. This past New Years Eve, I made a conscious decision to eradicate this from my life in the New Year and that I was not going to spend one more moment with this garbage in my life; that I deserved better and even more so NOW since I have limited time on this earth.
I have gained something like 20 lbs in the past two months of NC. Prior to that, I went from 130 lbs to 98 lbs in about a years time (when the stress and pressure from dealing with “IT” was at peak). Since I have gotten rid of “IT”, I have been resting, eating healthy, taking care of myself, etc. Which is something I was not doing.
BINGE: yum! I love binge eating. hahahaha
I feel that is what I have been doing since “IT” left my sight!
Eat, eat, eat….but, I don’t binge, 24/7….I binge 3 squares and 3 healthy squares: vegetables, fruit, meat. Sometimes if I am feeling particularily low on energy, a vitamin water or beverage. For being as old as I am, other than my heart, I am in relatively good physical condition. I exercise and take care of myself and that is why I was so astounded when I almost died!
They told me the majority of it was from stress. How sad is that? My hair went all gray in the time I was associated with “IT”. hahahahaha
I will hope and pray for you Louise. Just remember that you are better than being tortured over this the rest of your life. “IT” just isn’t worth it. Put it in perspective, Lovey, and make peace with the truths….They are blood sucking vampires and they aren’t going to change. We can put up with it and be miserable or we can rebuke it and live in peace.
Thanks for the medical appointment wishes, Louise…xxoo
Yah, getting closer to a pacemaker, I think. I should know more this next week.
Have a good night; focus on YOU for a while.
DUPED
DUPED:
I am getting ready to go walk/jog in a bit. It is so hot here I have to wait as late in the evening as possible when it is a little cooler.
Thank you. I really haven’t tried soy milk. I drink almond milk and coconut milk, but haven’t tried soy. I have read of all the benefits of soy so I should try it. I just had another hot flash just awhile ago.
I apparently am suffering from depression. I do all these things in my life, but am not finding any satisfaction. It makes me feel sad for you that you are alone also and don’t get out, but if you are truly OK with that what can I say? I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with that as long as YOU feel peace with it.
I went down to a size 0-2 when I was at work dealing with everything. I still fit into those size clothes after gaining six pounds, but they are a bit tight now. Menopause is definitely putting the pounds on. These hot flashes just make me feel so horrible. I had always heard about them of course, but didn’t realize they could make a woman feel so bad.
I’m glad to hear you have gained some weight and that you binge on healthy foods. I do not binge on healthy foods unfortunately.
I know I am better off without “IT” in my life, I really do. I just have to get past the fantasy. I can only chalk up my feelings to being depressed and having PTSD or PTED.
I hope you don’t have to get a pacemaker! 🙁
Thanks again soooo much for talking to me.
Oh hi Louise: walking is a great exercise. I do it often as I can. I just hate going out. Used to walk all over town and leave the wheels in the garage. I still work out though. A little less since my heart attack. Yum: coconut milk. 🙂 I love it. Unfortunately, it’s too yummy for me! 🙂
Depression….poor Louise. I know how that feels.
Not finding any satisfaction; I completely relate.
Aw, don’t be sad that I am alone. It’s actually refreshing. 🙂
There are times when I wished I had someone to talk with but hey, at least I escaped with my life and somewhat of a mind; right? At least I haven’t disappeared and ended up buried out in the desert, or something like that. We have to remember to count our blessings too, while we are weighing out things. Sometimes we forget all the good things we really DO still have.
Oh heavens, I lost so much weight during this ordeal, they actually thought I was going to die there, for a while, before my heart attack. I just wasn’t in a very good way at all and it was all from the pressure and stress dealing with “IT” put on me. I kept asking “IT” to leave me be; to be nice but nope; none of that happened. In fact, it only gave “IT” glee to see me suffering and hurting and once I realized THAT, I forbid it around me any longer.
Yes, Louise, we ARE better off without “IT” in our life.
I guess I must be fortunate in the sense that “IT” tried to kill me because that sort of burst that fantasy dream bubble for me.
I probably will have to get a pacemaker sooner or later.
I have irregular heartbeat now and sometimes it just gets so bad. I never know when to dial 911 and when not to! I sure don’t want to be making all these ‘false runs’ to the hospital all the time.
There has not been ONE DAY that has gone by in the past 2 months of NC from me (his last attempt to talk to me was around the first week of June, for which he received no response) that I have NOT thanked the Heavens above for the peace and quiet around my life now. Not one day have I not been grateful. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult ‘letting go’. I know how difficult it is. It is even more difficult when the one you care for is a sick person and you know it and yet you have no other alternative but to ‘let go’ because if you don’t, they will suck your life force from you all over again.
I know what that heartbreak is all about. I almost gave my life for this “IT”; this horrid, unspeakable “THING” that I stupidly believed was anything close to being a ‘best friend’.
Aw, shucks, Louise, why wouldn’t I talk to you? You don’t have to thank me for that! Thank YOU for talking with ME!!! —
You are a wonderful loving person and I only wish the very best for you. If I could take some of your heartache and make it mine, I would do that for you. xxoo
Think about it Louise…they really aren’t worth it; are they?
*HUGS*
DUPED
DUPED:
No, they are NOT worth it! I just watched the Jaycee Dugard interview and realized if she is not bitter after what she went through, how can I be bitter? It was a huge inspiration for me.
Yes, we do need to be thankful for all the good things we do have and I have many. I really do.
You are fortunate in the sense that you were able to finally get to the point to see how horrible your IT was. I talked about that before on here how I was dumped in the fantasy phase and it’s hard to let go, but I am getting closer and closer. You know what I am afraid of though? I am afraid that as soon as I get there, he is going to contact me. I pray all the time that does not happen.
I had people worried about me also because I had gotten so thin. That’s all I ever heard from everyone is how skinny I was. I didn’t think so. I was just in really good shape actually, but not mentally. It’s funny how gaining only six pounds can make me look not as thin. Of course, to me it feels like 20…hahaha!
I am determined to make this coming week better than the last. Take care, DUPED x
Dear Louise: I watched PART of Jaycee’s interview. How terrible what that poor girl has been through! That animal that did all that to her deserves to be right where he is – even MORE! What he has taken from her is unspeakable. My heart is with her always.
Yes, we do need to be thankful for all the good things we DO have. I count my blessings, every day, that I was not flat out murdered by this demon and that I am still here.
I suppose I am fortunate in the sense that I finally figured “IT” out. I would have been a lot more fortunate if I just had never ‘fell’ for all the lies, webs and deceptions. I would have been more fortunate if I just had never met “IT” in the first place!
Dumped in the ‘fantasy stage’; hmm? Unfortunately, my ‘fantasy stage’ was brought to an abrupt halt when I realized that yes, “IT” actually tried to murder me! My ‘fantasy’ finally wore off right in the midst of thinking that I actually meant something to “IT”. I meant absolutely NOTHING to it other than another person to ‘use up’.
You are afraid that as soon as you ‘get there’ that “IT” will contact you again. I have been through that over and over again for the past five years. I think THIS TIME might be the ‘charm’, though. It has been very quiet from me for over 2 months NC now and it has been quiet from “IT” for only the past month. Yes, “IT” continued stalking me. In the previous times I have implemented NC, “IT” could only go about 3 months before it would contact me again. Although, I think this time, it just might stick. Hopefully. There is NO REASON for it to contact me any further and if it does, I will take legal action. I think I have sufficiently made “IT” wary for messing with me any further.
Yes, I am determined to make this next week a better one for me, too, Louise. We are all we got and we need to take care of ourselves. All of this has really done a number on me, medically and physically, as well as psychologically. I am not about to sit by and tolerate any more of this madness in my life. Yes, it is difficult letting go because of that LIE OF A BOND they made with us. It isn’t going to work anymore for me.
Take care of yourself, Dear Louise….
We have to be thankful for all of the things we DO have….
xxoo
DUPED
Jaycee said that she wasn’t bitter because she didn’t have room for that in her life now and that “IT” wasn’t going to get that part of her too. She has the right idea. Jaycee is a perfect example of the strength of the human constitution. She said that she doesn’t even THINK about it and that she is lost in the moment of life, right NOW.
May Blessings be with Jaycee and may we all listen to everything she has to say. Perhaps the manipulation facet of dealing with sp’s will be looked at more closely now. The manipulation can be overwhelming. Although I was not held in the backyard, I was held as captive through psychological manipulation and nobody will really understand what that was like. There is no sense of ‘self’ because you just live for “IT”.
I hope Jaycee will find her life every bit as perfect as she says it is for her and that she can put this ugly nightmare behind her the way she says she is trying to.
DUPED