Perhaps the hardest thing for those of us targeted by sociopaths to grasp is the extent of their inhumanity.
Sociopaths have no empathy. They do not feel connections to other human beings. We are mere pawns in their games. They view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
We ask, “How can this be?”
We object, “He said he loved me!” (“She said she loved me!”)
We argue, “I said I was leaving and he cried! He begged me to stay! He said he couldn’t live without me!” (The female sociopath did too.)
Well, let’s take a look at what their words really mean. A Lovefraud reader visited Sociopathworld.com. “They had a discussion going on things they said but what they actually meant to them,” she wrote.
Here’s what our reader sent:
The Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means
1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.
2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.
3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be.
4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.
5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.
6. I love my family: They’re mine.
7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…
8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?
9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.
10. I have feelings too: I feel frustrated when your feelings get in my way.
11. I wouldn’t lie to you: I lie to you every time I say I wouldn’t lie to you.
12. I understand/respect your feelings: I appreciate your feelings because I use them to manipulate you.
13. I never meant to hurt you: mission accomplished.
14. I want to work things out: I want to work things out for today.
15. I’ll always be there for you: I’ll try to as long as I need something from you
Remember this: Never evaluate the words or actions of a sociopath based on what you mean by your words and actions. For a sociopath, it’s all about manipulation.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Why me – Once a website or blog has been deleted google will remove it from their cache. Check this out – it might cover posts also.
http://www.google.com/support/webmasters/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=164734
YesIt'sMe
Thanks, OneStep.
That is helpful. I guess I need to contact Donna to ask her if she’ll ask google to remove the snippet from their search page, since I’ve already updated my comment. Something like that. Right? Is there someone here smarter than me about the internet who can tell me if that’s right or not?
I think it said that the search info should be changed within 90 days anyhow……but I’m not sure.
Rats!
As if I didn’t have enuf things troubling my once-pretty head right now!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Whyme – nope, you can contact google. sya that you had it deleted from the blog already, and now you would like it deleted from the cache.
YesIt'sMe
One,
I followed the instructions. & made the deletion request.
it said “webmaster has already blocked the url.”
but it still shows up there.
I’ll try it again tomorrow.
Suggestions, anyone?
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hmmm, whyme – don’t know. I didn’t run into that. Regardless of whether it’s been blocked, it’s still cached…
it took a few hours to delete cached blogs and personal info. when I did it.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oh look, match.com is advertising on lovefraud!
justdreamin
Oxy, bless your heart, you have been instrumental in my awakening and recovery. This site is amazing… the bloggers and contributors, the articles, the others like me who mostly just read and think and are too shy (yes, ashamed…) to post. It is so helpful to know we are not alone, that others really do understand the depth and impact of it all. A big bouquet to you and all of you on here. ((hugs))
I really am getting along well, although there are days I’m back in the thick of it, full of anxiety and tears and all the rest. I blame myself a lot, or I’m sad, but I also have actual happiness once in a while! More and more often. This would NOT be possible without going totally no-contact. I can tell, because just a stray piece of mail arriving with his name on it sets everything off.
Please, anybody who is reluctant to try No Contact… JUST DO IT. Promise yourself a big treat, gather up all your bravery, ask someone for help, get a restraining order to make it official, do whatever you need to do to make yourself do it. IT IS WORTH IT!
Jazzy, thanks for your reply. I was so relieved to find that I didn’t have to “accept” anything. There was NO WAY I was going to do that. Instead, it just happens to us. What a big relief, peacefulness. Something I hadn’t had in a long long time. Peace is beautiful and it really can happen.
FREEDOMatLAST
Aussie,
Thanks! I am at my mom’s for the holiday wknd….and my daughter is here with me. In court, I told the judge that i want her with me for major holidays, he does not celebrate american holidays… .the judge asked him if he celebrates the holidays and of course he lied and said yes. Then she asked him , do you have a xmas tree at your house…he said, No, not yet! So she asked who’s weekend is this and he said his…she told him… Well, i want you to know that you’re not getting her for TG and Xmas so which one do you want. Of course he said xmas. He knows how much xmas means to my family….not me so much but my mom. So, now I cant go with my family for xmas b/c i dont want to leave town while she is with him over xmas. So instead of her spending time with my family, she will be at his house…he has NO FAMILY in this country..he doesnt cook and cant begin to know what to do with her for xmas. I will be at home alone b/c I cant go anywhere knowing she is there with him. What an ass!!! My mom is about ready to kill him…she is so tired of his antics.
I feel so sorry for my daughter….she loves him soooo much! And i know that she will NEVER have a normal relationship with him. He just sent me a text a few mins ago asking if he can say happy tday to her….i’ve been married to him for 8 yrs and he has NEVER called to say that to anyone. Mins later he called my cell and I picked up and handed the phone to my daughter, when she was done talking to him… I hung it up. I can’t stand the sight of him …not even the sound of his voice.
bluejay
justdreamin,
What a relief to have that boy out of your house. He is a juvenile delinquent, for sure. This fellow knew what he was doing, trying to manipulate people to get what he wanted (a lot of sick, twisted games going on). Your story tells me that he is a very unstable, scary individual who cannot transform (ever) into your average, everyday normal person (it would require an actual miracle from God for that to happen). You were right to kick him out of your home. Good riddance.
Ox Drover
Dear Freedom,
ONe of the things I learned is that “Christmas” doesn’t have to have a specific DATE on the calendar! You can celebrate with your daughter on whatever date you set…and let him have her on December 25th, because she will REMEMBER the celebration you had with her and NOT THE DATE he had her at his house to watch cartoons.
I’m sorry you won’t be able to go with your family, but don’t let the DATE get you down! You can still have a CELEBRATION for CHRISTMAS and hang the date! The celebration is the point, not the number of the day of the month!
Start your OWN SPECIAL TRADITIONS for the holidays that you can continue from year to year even if she is not with you on the 25th! Do a “The 12 days of Christmas” theme and open a small gift or play a game or song or do a dance, a different one for each day of the 12 days. “Oh the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me….on the 12th day of Christmas mas my true love gave to me” and make each day special. Or have a special day where you and she go and pick out some gifts to give to the underprivileged or do volunteer work…something that you and she do together that will make a memory!
Him just having her on “that day” won’t hurt her, because he won’t do anything “special”with her, he is only getting her to thwart you, so if YOU DO SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH HER, she will remember that with fondness and love and the “memory” of being with him to watch cartoons will fade away. (((hugs)))))