By | October 27, 2014 42 Comments

The eyes of a sociopath

Socipathic eyesSociopaths are hiding in all segments of society. They can be male, female, all races, all religions, all ethnic groups, old, young, rich, poor, good-looking, homely. Only one aspect of their appearance may hint at their personality disorder:

The eyes.

If you’ve had any type of involvement with a sociopath, you may have noticed some weirdness about the person’s eyes. You may see this in one or more ways, such as:

Intense eye contact

In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud one of the 10 warning signs is intense eye contact. To gather information for the book, I conducted the Lovefraud Romantic Partners Survey. Of the 1,352 survey respondents, 59% of them reported that their sociopathic partner engaged in intense eye contact.

Here’s how one woman described the moment she met the sociopath:

It was the most intense eye contact that I have ever experienced. So much so that it was all I could describe years later when I recalled “how we met.” ”¦ His eyes burned into my soul even though they were brown, and I didn’t like brown eyes!

The stare

Many Lovefraud readers also mention how the sociopaths stared at them. Here’s a recent email from a man about his ex-wife:

It has been my experience with a sociopath ex-wife that there are different reasons behind the stare. I saw the angry predator stare but I also saw other stares.

Before I started dating my wife I would catch her staring at me in church and I would think that this woman is interested in me, let’s go talk to her. She had two sons by two different men; one was eight and the other was four.

The first three weeks were great, then for some unknown reason she started expressing her anger at me. At first it was over small things but eventually grew into full time hatred. I would catch her staring at me at different times and wonder what she was doing. Turns out she was studying me very closely.

I learned in church that everything was either good or evil, moral or immoral. But studying psychology, I found a third category: amoral or non-moral. Money is amoral; it is neither good nor evil, but how people use it shows their heart is good or evil. Emotions are also amoral they are neither good nor evil, but how you choose to react to them makes you good or evil.

My father when angry would raise his voice and yell, so I followed his example as an adult and as a father. I saw, however, that not everyone yelled when angry. Some got very quiet, some would leave and come back later when calmed down.

My ex-wife would provoke me to anger with insults or other unkind words. I chose one day to pick a different reaction when angry. I would blow it off or be quiet. My ex-wife picked up on this right away and said in frustration that I was unpredictable when angry: You used to yell, now you just blow it off. I was floored at how quick she pick up on this change in my behavior and how it frustrated her attempts to provoke me to anger. I thought either she has an IQ in the four-digit range, or she has experience in this area before.

The stare was her studying my emotions and my chosen reactions to my emotions. She could read me like a book, and manipulated me to get her desired reaction out of me. I was amazed. I saw that she did this with everyone and could very easy manipulate others to her will.

Lifeless eyes

This is what I sometimes saw with my ex-husband. When he wasn’t actively engaged in manipulating me or someone else, his eyes seemed to indicate that there was nobody home inside.

In two Lovefraud surveys, I asked respondents if they agreed with this statement about their disordered romantic partners: “Sometimes, the individual’s eyes seemed to be lifeless.” In the Romantic Partner Survey, 60% of respondents agreed. In the Female Sociopath Survey, which is now open, 57% of respondents have agreed so far.

Because sociopaths can be so charming, exciting and magnetic, it can be difficult to spot this characteristic of lifeless eyes. Sometimes the best place to see it is in a photograph.

Black eyes

I’ve had several people tell me that when the sociopath was in a rage, his eyes turned totally black. I’ve only heard this about male sociopaths so far if anyone has seen this in a female, please let me know.

Here’s a letter from a woman who was married to a male sociopath.

One occurrence to this day puts chills up my spine and tears in my eyes.

The night my husband held me at gunpoint with a loaded hunting rifle, something terrifying happened. My husband’s eyes are bright, light blue. He has beautiful eyes, so bright you notice them from across a room.

But that night, when he attacked me, his eyes were black. Not just black but so black it goes beyond words. If you’ve ever watched the movie Amityville Horror, there’s a scene when the father has become deeply possessed and he turns on his family.



I researched it, and lo and behold there have been numerous cases dealing with narcissists and/or sociopaths where blue eyes were noted to have turned black when they were enraged!

How horrifying is that? It’s as though there is another being inside these people!

I still have nightmares. Never before nor since has he ever demonstrated that behavior. He says he doesn’t remember any of it. (No, I don’t think drugs and I know no alcohol was involved.)

Please warn your readers.

Pay attention

If you experience intense eye contact, or see the predatory stare, lifeless eyes, or frightening black eyes, know that these are the only possible physical signs that you are involved with a sociopath.

You may only see the scary eyes for only a moment, before the sociopath regains control and starts love bombing or manipulating you. Do not doubt your perception. Do not tell yourself that you are imagining things.

It’s said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. If you see eyes that make you doubt there is a soul inside, pay attention. You may have just seen the truth.


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Oh that predatory stare…if only I had known what it was when I first saw it. When I first started accepting that I had been in a relationship with a spath, I quickly had flashbacks to the day I was “captured” by those eyes. There was a look in those eyes I had never seen before but at the time, I thought, “wow – he must really like me!” As Donna states at the end of her post – pay attention to the eyes and looks as they tell a lot!

I’d also like to suggest that spaths know very well the power of their eyes and know how to use that power. Right before the breakup I discovered some online correspondence from by my ex-spath to a “friend” of his wherein he says “I felt like a sorcerer when I learned how powerful my eyes could be”

Vicki Kuper

In my case, his eyes weren’t powerful, but they often had an empty, blank look to them which creeped me out a bit when we dated, and is really creepy now. His mug shot shows the emptiness that’s in his mind. It’s hard for me to look at. When I attend his parole hearings I see the emptiness whenever he is asked questions that involve feelings or thoughts about victimizing me. He just has this blank look as if he doesn’t understand the questions, which I’m sure he doesn’t.

People in my life were uncomfortable around him from the first time they met him, even though nothing happened that should have bothered them. I believe it was their natural instinct warning them about him. Some people would tell me they were uncomfortable around him, others just distanced themselves from him. At the time I kind of felt bad for him, but I felt it too, I just pushed it out of my mind.

Our minds are equipped with the natural instinct that recognizes danger when it is present. Don’t ignore the warnings.


It was the same way with both of the sociopaths I married. The first one had a look that came over him, almost like a demonic stare, like his face would change from “empty” to “satan” for lack of a better description. It was the scariest thing. The second one was different. From almost the moment we met, his eyes stared into mine, said he couldn’t get over how beautiful I was. He could stare for a long time at me when we were dancing or eating dinner, always acting like he just was so in love he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. Not knowing the signs, I thought he was (doh). Anyway, as the “relationship” progressed, his expressions and “stares” totally changed, especially after he “had me” and we were married which was NOT long at all after we met since he rushed it and made me think he couldn’t stand to be without me. For the years after that (almost 11) the only times he would then stare at me were when he was very angry to intimidate me and at other times I would think it was the old “admiration” coming back and then he would make a really really stupid face, like cross his eyes or something. I think it was a way to make me feel bad and stupid. I know this sounds totally weird but it’s the only way I know how to describe it. The rest of the time he just sort of stared into space or at the TV unless he was trying to win someone over to his side.


The sociopath in my life (female) had blue eyes. They were not particularly frightening or soul-less, but that did not matter as her behaviour was odd and discordant. I don’t mean ‘odd’ in a quirky/cute sense, as you know, but acting out in extreme ways.

I used to hate to listen to her stories (astrology indicated she had ‘illustrative talent’, but I did not witness that…) She bored me senseless.

She tried too hard. Most of all, she made a big issue out of every single human encounter…every tiny event. And she went on and one with it…

Her manipulations and mechanizations permeated everywhere. I still remain confounded as to how she was able to get so many of us to do her bidding.


Barb – I can relate with you. I still don’t understand how the sociopath has anyone left on her side. She has burned all her bridges with everyone. Mine actually has no one left to manipulate and steal from and bully, except for her mother and sister. Why her family puts up with the abuse they go through EVERYDAY, I don’t know. I was able to cut my ties and refuse to have this person in my life because I have no blood connection to her.

But if I had anyone in my family who was so manipulative and evil, and caused constant chaos and disrupted my life every day. I would cut ties with them. family or not. My sociopath truly thinks that her actions are justified, that she is entitled to Whatever she wants.

But the only people she has left to bully and manipulate is her immediate family. Other family such as her aunts and uncles and cousins, they will have nothing to do with her. They will not even attend family holidays or get togethers, because they don’t want to chance running into her.


I am very familiar with that stare. If I had never been a victim of a sociopath I would not know or recognize the sociopathic stare. But the only thing that has helped me to get through all that I’ve been through is knowledge and the more knowledge I have is how I have been able to protect myself from that same sociopath. Maybe I’ve had other encounters with sociopaths in the past and never knew it. It wasn’t until I became the target of one that I noticed the eyes. And even now knowing what I’m dealing with it, I don’t think that people recognize how cold it empty the eyes are. A lot of people have told me that my sociopath looks unstable and has crazy eyes.
The only other person that said there was an emptiness look about the sociopath, was the victim before me.

I don’t usually go around telling everybody about my ordeal and the horrific things that were done to me and my family. I’m just still trying to put it behind me.

After reading this article I started to think is it just after being targeted and victimized that we notice the coldness of the eyes. Or is there evidence else where, like pictures? And then I suddenly remember my sociopaths mug shot. Normally blue eyed, in that mug shot picture the eyes are dark. And there is absolutely nothing in those eyes. Not even anger. Not fear, sadness. It kinda gives me a chill up my spine to look at it again. I so wish I could everyone could see this picture/mugshot. It is probably One of the creepiest and most frightening things I have Seen.
But the strange thing is, it is really that mug shot that shows the true deadness behind my sociopath. Other pictures Look “normal”


I accidentally pushed publish, so the last part of that probably did not make sense. But what I was saying is until this article, I never thought about if there were pictures that showed the eyes being so blank. Until I remembered that mug shot and it is a scary picture. There is nothing behind those eyes there is just nothing there… I have to wonder, what is there? Again it puts me back into thinking why is this person so evil, what motivates them to be so ugly and nasty..

That is something I have thought too many times. And even obsessed over it. And I am done obsessing and thinking because I know I will never get the answer and I have accepted that. and I realize that it’s probably better that way


This article gave me cold chills, because my ex-spath’s eyes were such an issue… with so many people, after his dark, secret life came to light. Prior to his exposure, I never noticed it. We were together 26 years, and his eyes “lit up” every time he looked at me, til the last day, when I had to end the marriage. I remember his eyes so warm, and full of “love” before he was exposed.

Now, 3 years out, I have realized that our kids and I were just medication to him. He has to medicate himself with companionship daily, so his eyes lit up when he got home to his medication. That’s why he kept us so long, while he lived a secret life full of hookers.

Once he was exposed, he totally cracked apart and that’s when his eyes became lifeless at times. A casual acquaintance saw him at a gala and wrote me, “I saw your ex. I told my husband, ‘Stay away from him. He has dead, scary eyes’.”

Like so many of your experiences, after he cracked apart, part of my life became him getting arrested. His mugshot had such lifeless eyes that his brother called me and said, “My wife and I were shocked. He looks so dead inside. His eyes are completely lifeless.”

He broke in on me one day, early on a Saturday morning. I went downstairs to confront him (at this point I didn’t realize how dangerous he was), and as I talked to him, I began to scan him all over, analyzing him, because something was SO “OFF.” I couldn’t put my finger on it, all I could think was, “His eyes are so dead.”

His normal voice was somewhat loud, and upbeat, but it was now low and quiet. I went back to his eyes, thinking, “What is wrong with his eyes?” It was a sunny morning and his eyes were that pretty blue…. but they were empty, dead. “Something is so wrong with his eyes….,” I kept thinking.


It is scary. Thinking of how all pictures taken looked normal. And actually some what like the sociopath was a fun happy person. But that was a picture. I remember when the pictures were taking. Yes, smiling for the camera, looking happy. But every occasion, get together, holiday was miserable and filled with chaos, fighting and the majority of us walking on egg shells, hoping and praying that she would leave soon.

Like I said earlier though. That mugshot picture is the true sociopath I know. There is nothing there… It’s disturbing that there is REALLY NOTHING there – not an angry look, not a desperate look, no shame, no nothing!


My personal 49 years’ experience with the eyes of sociopaths were quite different. Just to remind everyone, my “ex” as well as all five of my now-adult children, are undiagnosed sociopaths. In only one instance were the eyes of any significance and that was with my youngest and most abused son, who is now a pediatric endocrinologist! When young and challenged in any way by a sibling, parent, teacher or playmate, his ensuing rage or temper would manifest itself in a temporary “glassing over” of his eyes, as though they were covered with a thin film of glass or plastic. The specific “look” was unmistakeable. At these times he became “super” strong as though in some other terrifying world. He would momentarily develop what I can only describe as a “killer” mode, lashing out violently against everyone around, physically threatening their lives. The only “safe” way I could deal with him at these times, was to “fork” the fingers of my extended arm to his neck, to “pin” him to the floor, bed or wall until, within a minute or so, I would see his eyes return to normal and those glassed-over eyes somehow mysteriously disappeared. Only then was it possible to “reach” him with any rational thinking or reasoning. But in this “glassed over eyes” state, he became almost insane-like.


When a person becomes enraged, his/her pupils will dilate up to four times their normal size (, likely the reason a person’s blue eyes became black.
You MAY be able to discern when someone is lying to you by watching their pupils. If they dilate, the individual could be telling a lie; however, unless you are trained to distinguish facial ‘micro-expressions’, using these telltale signs can be a slippery slope.

I agree with lAfraud’s experience – – empty, not lifeless eyes – – a blank stare into space – – hello, anyone home in there? Sadly, we all know the answer – – no.


@Donna,what an amazing article and observation!! I am astounded by your astuteness as usual. Even professionals do not come out with these gems!

Now that you said it, I can go back and recollect ALL these eyes in my P… the intense eye contact (piercing.. and not just with me, I saw it being given to other young females too).. the lifeless stare, the predator assessing stare, the sharp studying gaze when he thought no one was watching him…yes, these are definitely different from what we see in normal people..

and yes, when posing for a photograph, specially in public, the face is full of laughter or even the eyes are smiling etc, the absolute opposite of what he really is in private life…. but in unguarded photographs with me or my son he does NOT have that laugh, he has a scorn, a steely guarded closed look that gives away nothing, almost as if saying “you get nothing from me’, a contemptuous look that says “I have more up my sleeve than you will ever know”.. hope I am not rambling now.. but all this has made sense only just now..while there I am next to him looking either clearly miserable or actually really smiling depending on the circs (as I did not know what I was dealing with then)….but not a closed look.

So maybe we can add a closed/ complacent/ contemptuous/”something up my sleeve”/ “wont give it (whatever you want most) to you look”/ arrogant/ sneering look as well to our observations?

Thanks again Donna and others who posted here..


Hi, I haven’t posted in over a year now. So much has happened. Mainly growth, Thank God! …having to look at your own contribution in all of this is hard, committed work and ,for me, difficult but unbelievably rewarding in multple ways. It took a HUGE bottoming out to surrender my own attempts for control in this darkness. Now I am not just “Alivetoday” but “living life today”!

I am writing today because one of the most prominent memories was his eyes. His eyes had no soul. His eyes were hollow. His eyes were mesmerizing. His eyes had a glare. His eyes had a stare. I could see him observing me, studying me like a science project. Sometimes repeating his physical action, over and over again, (like squeezing a nerve in my foot that made my body cave and he would phrase it as “playing around, wrestling”) or verbal expression to prompt my same response so he could either further study it or be amused by it or both. I have a picture of him and see snake eyes..demonic, lifeless eyes. I had a Christian friend who knew nothing of my story but when she saw his picture, she said please get it off my computer, she can’t look at it a second more, it is 100% demonic. I thought at that time, she can see what I know, but I chalked it up to yet another excuse of some kind so that I would not have face withdrawals. (The fear of losing my drug/him was stronger than any truth)

His look was a strong disturbance for me. It haunted me. I felt it was truly hypnotic and not human. I was so Love bombed that I made myself believe when he looked in my eyes or at me, that he loved me, I was special and I captured him. Oh, let’s not forget the combination of his eyes along with the rythmic sound of his voice! I craved it! Excuse me a minute while I puke!….ok, I am back:)

I find it hard to look back but this is my journey and what it took for me to evolve, wake up and see what was really happening around me. I like me now and for this reason, I would not change what I have experienced. (this is what it took for me). I saw a quote once: ” I like the person I am today because I fought like hell to find her”..:)

Thank you so very much Donna for your work, the hope you give to others for healing and a future. All of us that want to help victims do not have the gift that you pocess. I hope God utilizes me in some way to help a victim through one more day to stay alive and to know that they can live again!:) No one truly understands until you have experienced such inhumanity.

Vicki Kuper


Thanks for the quote…love it!


Great article Donna! I have seen a female sociopaths eyes turn black. It was such a weird phenomenon it caught me off balance. She got VERY angry at me and was in the process of taking a swing at me. What I remember most about it was how startling the change was.


Spathtard is the only person I have seen do “the stare”, at me and at others. The picture that is often on here, of the man doing the predator stare is exactly EXACTLY what he looked like doing it. BUT………….oddly, he could have the most sweet and kind eyes. Really weird. He was (and still is in my mind) two entirely different “people”……


In my opinion not even one real person. It is all a demonic act of a creature without a soul. Used to think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. But neither is real.


My Daughter-in-law noticed the eyes of my children’s father when she first met him. Actually my best friend did before I married him. It took me years to see it because it was so terribly frightening. The emptiness and the cold dehumanizing stare. I thought everyone was good down deep, even people who did bad things. My worst disillusionment in discovering I was married to a psychopath was finding out that was not true. Some people are evil, not even human. My first discovery was that he was incapable of love, even incapable of loving our children. I could not subject them to that and his abuse so I left. My adult daughter is under his spell now but I still know I did the right thing protecting her when she was young. These creatures cause unending grief and pain when they can, to other women, work associates, children. I have watched him do it for going on 50 years.


When I was going through my divorce and my estranged husband was tearing down my character, I tried to talk to my husbands attorney (because my attorney wouldn’t stand up for me) I tried to reason with husband’s attorney and appeal to his conscience. I said what if his 3 year old daughter grew up to marry a man like my husband who cheated and abused her and, when she goes to leave him, the court treats her like a tramp. This attorney spun on his heel, and stared at me with pure hatred. His eyes turned black.

I recoiled at the evil in those eyes. It was scary.

I have experienced the “fixed stare” at other times it wasn’t black eyes, but it was that intent stare to ground me into submission. It worked at one time, but it won’t work anymore. I have no money. Can’t squeeze even 20 bucks out me. Even minus 20 bucks will break the budget.

About women with the fixed stare. I have noted that their eyes bulge out.


Wow! That’s interesting about the dead, “lifeless” eyes. I remember a young fellow with eyes just like that. He was a waiter in a restaurant somewhere in the Languedoc. He was hardly more than a kid, probably no older than twenty. This was many years ago, but I’ve never forgotten him, and never seen eyes like it, before or since. The woman I was traveling with couldn’t help remarking on it either. This kid looked really creepy, but at the time, I imagined he must have gone through some terribly traumatic experience to leave him looking like that. I thought of World War II, but he was far too young for that. Now after reading this, I have to wonder about the real reason he looked the way he did.

Apart from that, I always recall what was said about a notorious criminal—unquestionably a psychopath—by a woman he bigamously married. She said:

“He had an extraordinary power over women. This power lay in his eyes. When he looked at you for a minute or two you had the feeling that you were being magnetised. They were little eyes that seemed to rob you of your will.”

This malefactor was a classic “lovefraud.” He made his living by bigamously marrying women for the sole purpose of heartlessly robbing them of all the possessions they had in the world. Eventually he graduated to murdering his victims, which proved more lucrative by way of inheritances and life insurance payouts. He killed three before he was finally stopped.

My ex had scary eyes, especially when he was angry, I had the feeling I was looking at the devil himself.
And the intense stare the blank stare…….. all of it.
He had blue eyes but wore glasses and usually they were tinted lens. I hated it when he took his glasses off. Even in a photo, his eyes scared me if he took his glasses off.
I have never seen anything like it in my life and I won’t soon forget. I know there is a devil, I have seen him.


My psychopathic ex accused me of domestic violence. I hadn’t raised a hand to him. Hadn’t raised my voice. He called the police and when they wouldn’t arrest me for him, he made a “citizen’s arrest,” and off I went to the pokey. The next morning he showed up all happy and smug and told the nice officers that he figured I’d finally learned my lesson and he would drop the charges. No dice. My family bailed me out and I left the ratbastard for six months. I had to meet with the prosecutor about the incident, and arrived to find a room full of domestic violence victim advocates who patiently explained to me that they had met with him previously and determined not only that he was not a victim, but that I was in grave danger. They said they had never seen such cold eyes.

There are people out there who can see those evil people for what they are. Once I got some perspective, I could see it too. But for a long time I saw only what he wanted me to see.


I find this subject of the strange eyes very perplexing. After my break up one of my close friends made the comment that the first time she met him, he had weird eyes. I actually heard it from more than one person. Looking back I mainly saw it when he was in his fits of rage….the eyes would turn dark.

Now a few times I would wake up in the morning and find him giving me a mean ass stare. I recall thinking…What could I have possibly done now to anger him..? I have been asleep for the last 8 hours. It was as if he went to bed angry or something. I never could explain it but these episodes just happened. Unprovoked. I think that was what pushed me over the edge. I could not predict or guess when or why they would happen.

It is just strange. But fast forward two years later….he is now someone else’s problem.


A simple explanation for the eyes turning dark or black is that their pupils suddenly got very large. Someone in an extreme state of anger or fear kicks into fight or flight mode. This is what they mean by the sympathetic nervous system. A person or animal in this state gets very large pupils, as well as increased heart rate as a means of being able to survive an attack (eat or be eaten, like the law of the jungle). This only reinforces my belief they are basically like wild animals. Also, cocaine and speed give similar effects. I think spaths physically get angrier than the typical person, have more of the nasty stuff. This is just my personal experience of them-it would take a lot more to get me that angry, maybe I don’t even have the receptors for that much aversion.


My brother tells me he has a video tape of my sister he took when he was a kid ( and she was in her late teens) where she was getting angry at him and her eyes look really creepy and lifeless. I remember the unemotional look on her face as she pounded my head on the carpet when I was 14 and she was about 16 (my “crime” was complaining that she borrowed my sweater without my permission). I don’t think she had a traumatic experience in life that led her to be how she is, unless you count me being born when she was 2, which I don’t count. As far as I can tell, she has always been this way. Compassion does not come naturally to her. I think she studies people because humans are a foreign species to her. To her benefit, she wants to fit in, to be admired, so she tends to do things that are socially acceptable, at least in society at large. But when it comes to people she thinks she owns like her kids, or like my brother and I, family members who are younger than her, she treats us like you know what. Of course, she kisses up to so called superiors.

still reeling

When I saw this photo, I was stunned as the path in my life had exactly that stare. EXACTLY. I knew when he looked at me like that, usually with chin in hand, it didn’t feel like a “warm caress” or a bonding experience at all. It was devoid of feeling and creepy. In my cloud of stupidity and infatuation, I thought he was thinking, “What is it about this woman that attracts me SO much?” I could NOT have been more inaccurate. Most everything I thought about him was wrong, wrong, wrong and it’s frightening and humiliating that I wouldn’t allow myself to put the pieces together until he was gone.

anam cara

Spathzilla is 18 months older than me and has an unjusified sense of entitlement. I remember we were about 15 and 13 and I was watching something on TV after school. “It” came in and wanted the remote control (which I had) to change channels. I said “no” and suddenly, without warning, “it” lunged at me, attacked me with such viciousness (ripped out chunks of my hair, scratched my face and ripped my clothes.)I was in shock. I submitted to her because at some sub-concious level I sensed “it” WOULD have killed me and blamed me. It’s only recently that I’ve understood my actions at the time as self-preservation.


Prior to reading this post, I had written in my journal about an incident involving my 17 year son, Zack. “Reverse pathologizing” occurred in my family when I identified my husband as a sociopath. I wrote, “Zack has called me a relentless liar tonight as I looked into the wooden eyes of his father. ‘Steve,’ I implored, ‘you know me. You know that I’m not a liar’. His eyes grew even darker. I saw no light.”


I think this story is equally creepy. I guy I had dated a few years ago. He smiled this horrible smile. I didn’t realize he didn’t have teeth until he did this awful smile. His eyes got huge while he opened his large black hole in his mouth. It was only for a brief second. Afterward I wondered if I imagined it. I remember thinking it looked like something out of Warner-Brothers cartoon, that wide-eyed toothless smiling Indian cartoon character.

The dating with this guy only lasted a month. He was angry about the money he spent dating me, because he was spending money he didn’t have. He wanted to keep on dating after me, but he was out of money, and was he MAD !!!

This guy was starting to trash me and then is where it ended. He was taking out his problems on me. Getting crappy with me when I had nothing to do with what his boss told him. He was losing his apartment because the building was up for sale. I think he is now homeless. I saw his profile on dating site and I think his profile picture is a selfie in a public bathroom.

Opps, I got long winded and forgot to go back to that wide open mouth smile. Nobody smiles like that. He was showing his toothlessness in a scary way. This is Adams County Wisconsin and there are a lot of toothless people here and none make their smile scary like that.


There are so many references to evil and “the devil” in posts on this site, I have to say that was my experience as well. I really felt on a couple of occasions that I was sitting in the same room as a demon. I had a very vivid dream one night, after spending the previous night with the spath, that a black human-like form was trying to sink into me from above. I wrestled with it and yelled out, get off me, Satan! I couldn’t tell whether I’d yelled it out in my dream, or in reality. Or if it was a dream, or something that had come to me in my sleep. If there is a devil, I’m sure they’re in contact somehow. Certainly, many, many people have the sense to avoid him, and he has a pretty revolting energy much of the time.


Long before I knew anything about mental illness, I recall meeting my mother-in-law and something deep within me just knew that she was the most wicked person I had ever met. We never had “words” or anything but a cordial relationship…somehow I just “knew”. In subsequent conversations with my “ex”, he often said that she always seemed to come between marriage partners. He was convinced that she had somehow caused her daughter’s divorce etc. and we decided to never make our home anywhere near her. Now I look back and am bewildered by my ignorance regarding the power of genetics as my “ex” later developed NPD or full-blown psychosis. The signs were all there, only I was too ignorant to realize their importance.


An acquaintance of mine is a psychopath, I’ve concluded. She is entirely lacking in conscience and morals, with her measure for decision making boiling down to “does this benefit me?” She does not care about the consequences of her actions to other people, their lives or careers. Oddly, it took me a while to figure her out.

Basically she comes across as homely, passive, and lethargic, but nice and down to earth — an aging hippie who is prone to depression, but with a bright smile, someone who always says “hello.”

Quickly I discerned that something was off. It became clear she was a pathological liar, a wanton thief, and degenerate, always scheming to take what another had if she wanted it as well. She was an expert at gaslighting and studying people, playing one off against another while feigning friendship to all, only to gossip about each behind their backs.

She had no morals whatsoever and mocked those who were religious as idiots, despite being an underachiever stuck in minimum wage jobs. I remember watching her howl with laughter over the misfortune of others and boast of various campaigns she had launched against those who earned her contempt for being more ambitious, successful, beautiful, wealthy, whatever — this animal was determined to put them in their place whether through snide, passive aggressive comments, aggressive harassment, battle of wits (which only she was playing as others ignored her.), sabotage, passive, discreet abuse that couldn’t be traced to her.

Yet you wouldn’t suspect her of this on meeting her or through casual acquaintance as despite her disheveled appearance, she was always nice, with a bright smile plastered on her face, and “helpful.” I felt sorry for her, thought she couldn’t hurt a fly, was nice and intelligent despite being a low achiever.

I am an empath, the prime target of psychopaths. They think they can control us by controlling our emotions and feed off of our good will, patience, and abundance of positive, loving energy. One day, after putting the pieces together, and realizing who/what I was dealing with, I cut off all contact.

That is the point at which her mask came off and she emerged as full blown psychopath. Not only had I caught her stealing from me, but she stalked me, harassed, and gas light me for months on end. Each time she would do it with a bright smile on her face and intense, predatory eye contact. For a passive person who shuffled along in life, with rejection, she became aggressive, intense, and manic, cornering me to force interactions in an effort to get me to conform to her will.

She only stopped when others observed what she was doing and she needed to save face as she risked being fired, thrown out of her accommodations — at which point she retreated into her quiet, mousey hippie shell with her crazy, wild-eyed smile plastered on her face.

She continues to impose on others as it’s all about her.

How do you recognize these people?

It’s all about them. Decisions are based on their gain. Solely.
Immoral. No conscience. No concern for anyone but themselves
Parasitic existence. Advances by taking what others have
Passive aggressive put downs
Intense eye contact and predatory stare
They study you to gain information on how you can be of use to them.
Psycho smile — fake, exaggerated, too many teeth, anxiety-driven
Intuition — you can sense the danger. Listen to your inner voice!


I saw the Black eyes today for the first time. I didn’t believe it until i saw it myself. This is not an enlarged pupil, not even close. The whole eye, all of it turned pitch black. I have never seen anything like it.

I was instinctively scared of this person, it sent cold chills down my spine. I was overwhelmed with my desire to get away from this person, to run. Its plain and simple evil. I dont think these is any other explanation.

I am convinced there are things in this world that science cant explain. It seems to me that there is a opposites phenomenon in nature. The existence of something means its opposite exists also. Like light and dark, and more specifically good and evil. Physicists say now that a large part of the universe is comprised of dark matter and dark energy. They dont know what it is, but they know it exists because all the math proves its existence.


My ex narcopath also had very blue eyes and would often have a look that I called his, ”F*ck off” stare. I’ve also seen his eyes go black on two occasions – both times he was venomously spitting some lie at me, e.g. that I had slept with 2 black guys (totally untrue). These two times only lasted for a split second and I was absolutely shocked – at this look and at what he had said.


absolutely the freakiest thing about the spath, and the first overt sign i was in deep trouble, was the night he flashed from being sweet, attentive, and fun to a savage physical attack that came out of nowhere (so it seemed at the time; looking back i was probably being punished for any number of infractions). he got home around 2 am, we talked, i probably tried to set some limit on some behavior earlier in the night (long story), and he suddenly grabbed my neck, head-butted me hard, and started to choke me on the bed.

his attack didn’t stop there, but luckily the cops broke it up only minutes later. i was left with two hugely swollen black eyes, a gigantic egg on my forehead, bruises on my neck, and probably a concussion. i hid from public eyes for two weeks.

anyway the most vivid memory i have, of that night, is how his crystal blue irises went totally black. i have wondered since then whether it was dilation of the pupils. my one-room apartment was kind of dimly lit. it’s hard to say, objectively, but i can tell you i’ve never seen anyone’s eyes dilate that far. regardless, his irises were completely black, with no blue rim at all. savage. terrifying. i’ll never forget it, him bent over me with his hands around my throat, hair swinging in my face, and those black, black eyes staring down at me while he grinned and growled in the most hateful way.

no sign of the lover i’d had only minutes before. i don’t think some demon came and inhabited him; i think his mask slipped off and i got to see the black, raging, horribly soul-dead creature that he truly was. sadly it took me two years to accept this loss. i read somewhere that choking is a big red flag for future homicide in domestic violence. i am lucky i finally got away. why oh why did i let him stay so long? i understand better, but i’ll never fully forgive myself.


I want to add here that while contempt or rage may change the eyes it’s possible for the words to not match. I kicked my ex out after being caught in a huge lie, but didn’t yet kmow he was a sociopath . He returned for his things later and realized he basically still had me hooked…I was crying, wishing this and that. As he was leaving he said, “look at me”, when I did he said “I love you”. His beautiful blue eyes turned huge, marbeley and near black. It was extremely weird and with a bit of time became a flashback that was upsetting. The eyes are what led me to start doing background searches and eventually finding out that EVERYTHING was a lie. I confronted him on the phone and he admitted he has aspd. I think I saw the contempt in his eyes, but his words and actions were not anywhere near contemptuous. Just like actions speak louder than words, so do eyes.


Hi Everyone, I still don’t comment on here much but read the stories every time. Don’t know how I missed this one because this subject has intrigued me especially since my Faux 7 month marriage to a very polished Spath. He had intense blue eyes, however the most noticeable thing about them was they would flash, sometimes I could not help but just stare at him, it was so strange. Not till later did I realize that when he lied the most is when the eyes flashed the most. Truly weird. I have not seen comments referring to flashing eyes on this site. If anyone has experienced this, please comment.
Also I have known and still know several of these types that have flat eyes, totally lifeless, like a shark! Very disturbing.
After writing this I have to shiver, these people are truly evil and it leaves me feeling as if I have escaped the Devil himself.


Hi Scrappy1, I think he was putting you under a trance or hypnotizing you.

This is one of the things sociopaths do! YES!! SO scary!!

I felt at the end of my marriage that my husband (now ex) was literally brain washing me. And i remember one night just before I left him that I refused to look in his eyes. He became irate at me and demanded that I look at him. I never did after that as it was my gut & his red flags that I was finally tuned into.

When I did escape I found a counselor who told me within 20 minutes of my first visit that I was married to a sociopath. I asked her if he was “brain washing me” she said YES!!! That is exactly what they do!

My counselor gave me the book “Woman who love psychopaths” by Sandra Brown. In the book she talks a little about how sociopaths “trance” and “hypnotic” their victims.

It’s so crazy what they do to our mindset but on top of it they are doing these two crazy things. If the world only knew!

I found some things on the net by googling “sociopath trance” (then with hypnosis) but at the time I was to scared to watch videos in fear that maybe the video owner was using these methods on people. I think Donna here at Lovefraud has posted some post on this subject so do a search up at the top on trance & hypnosis.

I too and many others feel that they escaped the “devil himself” and personally I think we all did. I dont think you have to die to go to “heaven” or “hell”, I think heaven & hell is right here on Planet Earth. If you want to live in “heaven” on Planet Earth you have to be very very very careful who you let into your inner circle. And if you encounter a sociopath at work or at a friends party = get them out of your life immediately because they want to suck you into hell on Earth.

Glad your gut was screaming that his eyes were not normal. I think this is one thing that we must be aware of when around strangers in every day life.

Hope this helps you out.

Take care.


This blog lead me to such important enlightenment about these kind of people (Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths etc) and I shall refer to as NSP(s).

I have recently ended a relationship (aka a war) with a female NSP, who displayed every single one of the traits in your list “Is your partner a Sociopath?” .. She was frightening in the end when realising that her acting charade had been discovered, the mask had slipped and the full extent of her evil ways had been found out.

Anyway, the reason why I am writing this is because she has the most demonic black eyes you always see in horror movies. I had (I’ve deleted them all now) about 20 photos where her eyes are completely black (no white at all). When I picked up on this and asked her about, after she would always either 1) refuse to have her photo taken by me or 2) if we were in company she would ask to check the photos and request the photographer to delete any that didn’t pass her unilateral censorship.

A friend of mine whose son has recently divorced a female NSP told me that her ex daughter_in_law had EXACTLY the same kind of eyes .. not black all the time but so apparent in lots of photos. We were just absolutely intrigued by it and I find it absolutely fascinating NSPs have this kind of physiological characteristic – but thank the Lord they do so, because it makes it a lot easier for us to spot them.

This website is brilliant and thank you Donna. I have learned so much about NSPs from you.

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