True Lovefraud Stories, on Lovefraud.com, is a series of case studies illustrating how con artists and people who would probably be diagnosed as sociopaths ply their trade. Months, and sometimes years, have passed since these individuals were profiled. But according to updates we’ve heard, they’re still pulling their scams.
If you are still trying to believe that the predator you were involved with will see the light and change his or her behavior, read these stories. You’ll see that it’s not going to happen. Once a sociopath becomes an adult, he or she does not change.
Dennis SanSeverino
Since February, Trish Rynn, who lost her home and inheritance to Dennis SanSeverino, has been trying to hold him accountable. Back in 2006, SanSeverino pled guilty to theft by illegal retention, and was sentenced to five years probation. He was ordered to pay Rynn restitution of $275,000.
Well, he hasn’t been doing it, and Rynn has been trying to get SanSeverino prosecuted for violating his probation. The prosecutor’s office in Cape May County, New Jersey, wasn’t exactly interested in pursuing the case, but Rynn was persistent, and Judge Raymond Batten finally found him guilty of violating his probation. SanSeverino’s sentencing hearing was scheduled for September 26, 2008. He never showed up.
That day, SanSeverino’s latest girlfriend called the court and said SanSeverino was in the hospital. The judge didn’t buy it and issued a warrant for his arrest. But the con artist has apparently left the state, and authorities don’t seem to consider this case worth the time and expense of extradition.
Brian Ellington
Lovefraud has been hearing from all kinds of people about Brian Ellington. Apparently he’s been making the rounds of North Carolina golf courses, pretending to be a pro and betting $1,000 a hole. When he wins, he makes out. When he loses, he doesn’t pay. He also runs up bar tabs and leaves, forcing whoever had the misfortune of being the evening’s drinking buddy to foot the bill.
Then we got phone calls from someone with official connections saying that Elllington had been arrested in New York. He had a court appearance for a petit larceny charge scheduled for September 22, 2008, in the Bronx, but did not show up. A warrant was issued for his arrest. Ellington was also supposed to be in Manhattan court in August for a disorderly conduct charge, and we doubt showed up for that one either.
Phil Haberman
Lovefraud has written extensively about Phil Haberman, first profiled by the Dallas Observer as “G.I. Jerk.” Haberman married a woman before shipping off to Iraq so he could collect separation benefits from the military. When he got to Iraq he claimed special forces training, diving skills, medic training—yeah, right. The army shipped him back after 24 days.
Eventually, he received an Other Than Honorable discharge—his second one. Since then, however, he repeatedly tried to enlist in National Guard units that are shipping out to Iraq. His most recent attempt was last week in North Fort Hood, Texas—the largest active duty armored post in the United States. Commanders became suspicious of Haberman’s stories, and the man they asked to check Haberman out was already intimately familiar with the con artist’s scams. According to posts on ProfessionalSoldiers.com, Haberman was “shown the front gate of North Fort Hood and told to never come back.”
So what did Haberman do? He went to the Dallas JAG office and filed a complaint against the commander for kicking him out.
By the way, Haberman posted a video of himself during parachute training on YouTube.
Lance Larabee
Lance Larabee, who has conned women into buying him houses, boats and planes, has declared bankruptcy in an effort to avoid paying the judgments against him won by one of his victims, Debbie White. When White contested the bankruptcy, Larabee filed a claim against her for invasion of privacy. Apparently Larabee didn’t like what was written about him in Lovefraud and other places. Hearings are coming soon.
James Montgomery
I was contacted recently by a woman in Australia—my ex-husband, James Montgomery, is on About My Age in Australia, “The online community for over 50s.” Montgomery claims to be a “retired academic and screenwriter.” Yeah, right. This woman got suspicious about his Ph.D., Googled him, found Lovefraud and dumped him.
I checked out my ex-husband’s listing on AboutMyAge.com. He’s posted a photo that was taken in 1997, when he was married to me and was a guest on a local radio station, which is reproduced below.
When I first met Montgomery he lied to me about his age, claiming he was “a genuine baby boomer”—49 years old—when he was really 55. I wonder what he’s claiming now. Here is a current photo, taken in March, 2008. It is not posted on AboutMyAge.com.
I agree Oxy… I was the perfect “victim” of a sociopath after my wife died.. I was lonely and vulnerable and wanted so very much to repair my broken family.. giving my son another mother figure and myself another wife….. I moved him and me out of the house we shared with his mother and bought a new house.. it was our new begining… After the sociopath, this new house feels tainted.. She spent much of her time here with us.. so there are so many memories of her here… that part really makes me angry because we moved out of the old house because it was too painful to live there because of all the memories of my life with my late wife….
Over the past year, it’s gotten better, and I am starting to regain a joy about this house, but still… it’s still here… the weird memories of life with the socio… even though she (socio) left over 2 1/2 years ago, it seems like it was all a bad dream…. like it happened a long time ago …..same goes for my wife.. this January she’ll be gone 6 years… but it feels like a 100 years…….I don’t know…. seems to take a long time to heal from things….sometimes it feels like i’m stuck living with one foot in the past and the other in the now…..I know that isn’t good, but it’s memories and things in my mind that seem to come up…. and even though I’ve grown so much since my wife and the socio, I sometimes don’t recognize me anymore… it’s like I feel lost sometimes… not really knowing where and what to do….sort of like just floating with the current… although, that’s not such a bad thing to do…living a simplified life with as little struggle as possible… could be a self-preservation thing…..it’s a little unnerving though.. before the socio, I was driven.. with a strong purpose.. clear goals…. focusing on what’s ahead…. Oxy, do you think it’s normal and healthy to sort of fall back and just drift for a while because of the losses and their toll upon my psyche?…. I hate that I didn’t take my wifes illness and death very well, but I hate it even more that I took the fallout from the socio even worse….
To love another takes courage,
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
But always remember,
you never lose by loving,
You lose by holding back.
Dear Southernman,
“Healthy to just drift?” No, quite the contrary, I think it IS HEALTHY to just “drift”—to come to a place that is calm, no expectations, no stress. We need that “down time” in order to heal.
If you had pneumonia and went to the hospital and got treated when you got home you would still not be “well” you would be weak from the inactivity while you were sick, your lungs would not be up to where they were before the injury of the illness, so would you go right out and start digging ditches the first day out of the hospital? Of course not! Your body and mind need REST–pampering as Wini would say. Do as little of the “have tos” as you can get by with, and as many of the “want tos” as you can and let the rest go until you want to do it. Til you have the strength to do it. Keep your life as stress free and change free as possible. Celebrate the moments, the little things. See the joy in your son’s eyes when he sees a butterfly, or learns to ride a ten speed, or whatever progress is there. Spend time with the boy and enjoy him, bond closer to him and him to you.
Forget the dishes and the unswept floors (as much as is reasonable) and go for an icecream cone instead. Or go pitch a ball to him, visit a friend, etc.
Take joy in the small every day blessings that sometimes we are too “busy” to see, spend more time in prayer, in rejoicing and thanking God for your blessings. Celebrate the moments every single one! Build your strength, you’ve had the double, triple WHAMMY, losing your wife, then losing your “fantasy” of another “great love”—so you need time to heal. My husband has been going nearly 4 1/2 years and I am come to peace with that, he is “here in this house” where ever I look, but it is not an unhappy memory. I can see the place his plane crashed from the hangar door, but it doesn’ give me pain. I feel the GOOD and HAPPY times with him here, and I am at peace and closure with his death. Sure I still miss him but there are no tears of sadness any more.
Ditto with my step father.
The P X-BF is a distant memory now who brings no pain with it. The feeling of peace has again returned to my house and I am able to live here now quite happily and am redecorating and rearranging, making minor repairs that have been neglected, cleaning out the old offices and making an art studio, cleaning out the 2 story barn and setting up my wood working shop with a home of its own…prior to now my tools were scattered wherever someone could find a spot to stack them, now with the “clean out campaign” just about done, they will have a HOME OF THEIR OWN and I can find them anytime because I will know where they live. LOL
I mop the floors now when they need it, but it is not the priority of my life any more and if they need it and the weather is nice and it is beautiful outside and I would rather go outside, I don’t feel guilty about leaving them til a rainy day! LOL I work when I feel like it, do the most pressing thing that has to be done, and when I don’t feel like it, I let the rest slide. I AM PAMPERING MYSELF, PUTTING MY NEEDS FIRST.
I am setting boundaries for those people in my life who would, if I let them, walk on me to one degree or another, and I am not feeling guilty about setting those boundaries and defending them.
It seems in some ways like my husband died last week, and at other times like 100 years ago. Time is not just by the “clock” but time is fluid and sometimes things seem to take forever when they are actually quick, and other times seem quick when they take weeks to do. Just let time flow, and don’t worry about “how long” it takes by the calendar, just as long as it takes.
You also might consider a hospice grief counseling group, they usually last about 5 weeks one night a week, and I highly recommend them.
Most of all, Southernman, take care of yourself and your son, pamper yourselves, how “well you took your wife’s death” is individual, and however it was is how it was. Period. It is YOU, it is your individual feeling, it is not “well or good, or poor” it just IS. (((BIG HUGS))))) AND ALWAYS PRAYER! Oxy
Hi Everyone,
I can’t tell you all how happy I am to have found this site. I wish I had found it a little sooner because I was so depressed for weeks trying to figure out WTF happened and why I was dumped. It is such a sad relief to realize there are others out there who have experienced this similar situation. I’m so sorry for all the suffering you’ve all had to go through. When I read all the posts so many of them make me cry because I can relate so well to the pain and quite a few I could have written myself. So many stories seem similar to mine; being sucked in so quickly and then hung out to dry.
All I can say is he saw me coming and took full advantage. I met him when I was at my lowest. My marriage was on the rocks and my career faltering. There were so many warning signs, many from his own mouth. I keep asking myself why was I so blind and why did I allow it to continue? He rushed in and swept me off my feet, it all seemed so romantic. He is a true charmer, not much to look at and honestly at first I wasn’t interested but he was persistent, so I gave him a chance. I regret giving him that chance, a part of me was always wary of him from the start and I wish I had listened.
Now looking back I can see what his MO is; he finds women who are unhappy in their marriage because they’re in a vulnerable position. He even told me about a woman he had been involved with before me, that actually left her marriage for him. That he had ruined her life because he wasn’t ready to get committed again. The real truth is I think he abandoned her when she left her husband. I’m sure he never intended to be with her. He probably promised her as he promised me. He would speak often of marriage and a life together but as time went on it became obvious it was just a lie. He was very charming and generous in the beginning just long enough to hook me but then the disappearances began. They would happen without warning or mostly now I see at times when I was the happiest or around holidays, birthdays, special events… Life would seem wonderful and then without warning he’d be gone, it became a horrible rollercoaster. It would leave me wondering for days what did I do or what was wrong with me. Or he would talk about these wonderful trips we could take or surprises he had for me but nothing ever materialized. When I could no longer take the disappearances and broken promises, I would confront him. It was always all in my head, everything was always in my head as if I was the one with the problem. He was very good at getting out of the worst situations until March.
In March after another withdrawal I discovered his away message one night said “please contact me LILY.” The first initial was that of the other woman he had abandoned, ILY=I love you. He was trying to win this other lady back, so I broke it off but stupidly allowed him to weasel his way back in. Then I found another woman’s name on his online bud list, she’s just a friend I was told and she’s married. I added her to my bud list to find they are always on together 10 min of each other signing on and that would be when his messages to me would slow or he’d suddenly be tired. I’ve been itching to email her some of his missives to me but I’m sure she’s been informed of me already. After all he told me about his “crazy” ex wife who I’ve met and seems pleasant enough. In the same time this woman’s name appeared on his list, a friend from his past suddenly popped back into his life. Seems his marriage is an unhappy one. Can you see where this is going? Sure enough my S began spending lots of time at their house and guess what they are now divorcing. He of course claims to be staying out of the whole mess; uh huh I’m sure. Over the summer I had rescued some kittens and the woman’s daughter wanted one. I asked to go with him to drop it off so I could see for myself. When she opened the door it was like looking in a mirror, she could even be my sister! When we were ready to leave, she asked him if he’d be stopping by later. The look on her face when she asked was all I needed, it was the glow of being under his charm. That week I was away and discovered he was at her house every night. He would never give me a direct answer as to how often he would be at the house alone with her. That was it for me. We were supposed to spend time together when I got back from vacation but as usual he was MIA. A job opportunity came up and I took it. He was furious because now he had no more control over me. He could neither be with me when he wanted or depress me by ignoring me (something I’ve learned he loves to do to hurt me). I took the job purposely to start breaking things off with him. I had promised myself his next disappearance would be his last that it would be over. I was sick of all the “married” women in his life, the lies, the broken promises, the disappointments.
During my first day at work I called him to tell him how great my day was going. He seemed really put off that I was so happy and commented several times at how happy I sounded. This man I’ve discovered hasn’t worked in 7 years. Always has some sob story about why he can’t work, is always coming up with some hair brain scheme or scam. When I first met him, he supposedly had lots of money but is now being chased by bill collectors. I’m so glad the few times he asked if he could use my credit card because he had misplaced his that I said no. What a mess that would have been!
Last year I was almost in financial ruin because of my relationship with him. He was just all consuming and I lost a lot of business because I was unable to handle the deadlines and was making a lot of mistakes. It was all caused by him. Either he would stop by at times when I told him I was really busy or call me on the phone. When I would try to explain that it wasn’t a good time, he would make me feel guilty for not wanting to be with him and punish me by not answering the phone or email for days. I would then fall into a depression and wouldn’t be able to keep up with my work. During this time he also helped to further alienate me from my husband. I know I can’t entirely blame him for all the heartache I brought on myself. I am after all a grown woman and made my own choices. In the very beginning I did tell him I wanted to work on my marriage that I wasn’t interested but he was like I said persistent. My marriage deteriorated further and we separated. He of course came on so strong it was so hard not to fall for him. I went from being worshipped to totally discarded. After my happy phone call from work to him, he completely disappeared offline, stopped answering the phone or email. It’s just a shock that something could come to an end so abruptly. It was so hurtful but I expected it and blamed myself for taking the job because I believe it pushed him away. Deep down I knew it was what I wanted, to be free of him, to go back to my husband, to get my life back but it still hurt. I remember the fun times we had, his voice, his scent, how he pursued me, how romantic it was at one time…but I know it was all fake now. It’s so hard to realize all you shared or thought you shared was all just a lie. Even now I wonder if he ever loved me at any point and it hurts to think he never did.
Currently I’m working on my marriage, my career has picked up and has helped keep my mind busy from dwelling. I’ve been trying to maintain NC with my S but he’s either called, emailed, stopped by the house. What’s difficult is he lives a few houses down from me and I do try and avoid being outside if I see him out as much as possible. The bad thing is he has always kept close tabs on my schedule (he obviously watched my comings and goings) so knows how to run into me when he wants to. I have tried to mix up my schedule when possible but sometimes it’s too much of an inconvenience. I have talked to him about it but of course he claims the runins are a coincidence or it’s to give me some magazine or my favorite chocolate.
I have been struggling with myself. Day to day it’s a different mood, anger, weepy, apathy. Sometimes I hate myself for being such a fool, for hurting my husband, for being so weak… I also feel at a loss because I know of this other woman but know I can’t warn her it makes me feel helpless that he may ruin her life. One day life will be normal again and hopefully I’ll be wiser.
Thanks for reading!
Welcome ANewDay: Yes, all our stories are the same … my Ex doesn’t work and lives off the women he sees, pretending to get a phony business off the ground. Why he doesn’t work … can’t show an income cause he owes his EX wife back child support payments. Yes, yes, yes, this guy invented a new mouse trap.
Peace.
I am going to type this and see what you think
It seems to me that the Female/mind is likly to be more DAMAGED by( it) than my smaller less active male pea! Ooops !Brian :)~
thanks for all your advice and i think we ll feel the same in this situation. i was just thinking about it all and a thought came to my mind and i thought i think he wishes he could love me but he doesnt know how and he thinks i betrayed him so he feels coming back or admitting he feels anything for me is giving in and he wont do that. i dont knowwhat hee thinks anymore really and i shouldnt care but a tiny bit of me does. anyway thanks for all your advice. he will find someone else, did seem strange he has started to hide his number first time has done that. will latch onto someone else he is working a a gym so he will probably find someone there, and then he wont call me again. anotheer funny thing he said was itold him i had gone off the pill as i had a tummy ache when he called i thought this could be why, he said why have you gone off the pill all curious, like its any of his bussiness anyway.i just said i want to llook after my body.
We heard that Ed Hicks has changed his name a couple times, tells new victims he’s “writing a book about the TRUTH”, that he plans to sue ‘Dr. Phil’, ‘Very Bad Men’ and has wives for telling LIES about him and it’s “false all false.” He’s back online trolling the online dating sites… goodness knows what names he’s using now.
Skylar
I brought this up for you!
thanks easy, You knew I needed this reminder.
As I was reading the comments, I remembered the time I was willing to stand up to a man who was abusing his wife while my P-brother-in-law, the cop with a gun, was going to just walk away until I made him look like a scared little girl.
Later, I told my P about it. Now I realize that he just used the information to assess me better. He realized that when confronted with violence, I don’t back down, so instead he used a different tactic: the appeal to my good nature with his pity ploy. Every time I turned around, he or my P-neighbors and my P-bil, (all of whom he had trained and was manipulating) would call “needing” something. They were having such a good time yanking my strings and watching me dance.
That’s ok, they never realized I only dance when it serves my purposes as well.