UPDATED FOR 2023. If you’re struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers.
They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here’s 10 reasons why:
1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you do
The root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or psychopaths are not capable of love at all.
2. Sociopaths cannot be trusted
What do sociopaths really want in life? Power and control. Their objective is always to win — whatever that may look like at the moment. So they always have an ulterior motive, and for that reason, can never be trusted.
3. Sociopaths are empty inside
They have no real passion. Oh, they may have temporary obsessions, but they do not care deeply about any person, thing, place or ideal. Without any real depth, they are caricatures of human beings, cardboard cut-outs, creatures without substance.
Read more: 5 reasons why we fall for a con artist
4. Sociopaths have no real friends
They have minions. They have co-conspirators. They have dupes. But because of items 1, 2 and 3 above, sociopaths do not have friends. They really are alone in the world. It’s sad.
5. Sociopaths have no real family
Yes, they have parents, spouses, children and relatives (possibly including you), but no one involved will feel a sense of family. The sociopath will just take advantage of relatives, and any relatives who are not themselves disordered will feel abused.
6. Sociopaths’ schemes fall apart
They’re always coming up with get-rich-quick schemes, grandiose plans that depend on other people’s money. Sometimes the plans never get off the ground. Sometimes they get started, and then sputter to a halt. Sooner or later, sociopathic schemes usually fail.
7. Sociopaths have financial problems
Even when they have a job or profession, they often have financial problems. They get fired. They lose contracts. They get sued. But often when there’s a money crisis, other people pay, not them.
8. Sociopaths have legal problems
Many sociopaths are criminals. In fact the definitions of antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy refer to criminal behavior. But even those who aren’t arrested for crimes are frequently involved lawsuits, divorces and child custody battles. None of this really bothers the sociopaths, but it will bother you.
9. Sociopaths crash and burn
Sociopaths may race along for awhile, living on the edge — maybe even for years. But at some point, their unconscionable behavior tends to catch up with them. Their financial empires collapse. They end up estranged from everyone in their lives. They may finally be arrested. Sooner or later, for many sociopaths, it all falls apart.
10. Sociopaths tend to die earlier
Promiscuous sex, drugs, crime, violence — this is how many sociopaths live. Whether it’s health problems, accidents from risky behavior or angering the wrong person, many sociopaths end up dead. And those who don’t may suffer a lonely old age. If anyone takes care of them, it’s because of a sense of duty, although I don’t think it’s warranted.
If you’re struggling to break the bonds you feel with a sociopath, refer to this list. Sociopaths really are losers and are are not worth the aggravation.
Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously
Lovefraud originally posted this article on July 25, 2016.
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed
I wish I had known 17-1/2 years ago that there was such a person as a sociopath. Oh, I had heard that word but always thought it pertained to only criminal types. I watch Dr. Phil daily and I don’t believe I’ve ever heard him use this word even when dealing with cheaters and other assorted liars on his show. I always wanted to believe the best in people and thought my “jerk radar” would catch on earlier as to what I was dealing with. But if I’m honest with myself, I really thought/believed that the guy I was involved with could never be that type of monster. But constant lies, inconsistencies, behavior contradicting his words, you name it, put me through hell. I blocked his number but the damn voicemail messages still come through, and since he’s “surprised”me at the front door in the past, I’m on edge this will occur again. But I’m determined to stick to my “guns” and avoid him no matter what. I only hope others will pay attention to their “little voice” to not get taken in by this kind of monster. He’s also nearly 68 so this crap happens at any age.
In the beginning they come across as a fake self confident, charming, even mirror us to reel us in to think they are normal like us. The truth is what we find much later on. Sadly for all of us we find the monster behind the mask when we did not expect it. They can only hold up the facade for so long until the mask drops. It’s a terrible shock when this happens. It leaves us wondering what the hell happened? We will never get closure. The hoovering happens when we shut the door finally on all the chaos and craziness. Going No Contact blocking his number etc is the only way to build a new life. Your so right their age doesn’t matter they are who they are. Immature, chaotic impulsive with no empathy and never accepts Responsibilty for their actions, projection, mind games, the list goes on…. Being Free is the only way out of the Craziness. Hugs to you xx
I would say that I have seen the crash and burn, or rather heard that it happened. I was engaged to a psychopath 11 years ago and when it ended, the discard phase was unbearable for me. My friend, a psychic, met this ex not knowing who he was, and had a flash that in ten years he would have spiraled so low in his life that he would not even be able to comprehend how he got there – no money, no family, no friends.
I was skeptical, as at the time my ex had millions, a lovely family, and decent friends (not many but educated persons around him).
10 years later I heard that he had a child with a drug addict mother who abandoned them, that he himself became a drug addict, lost his money, home, family stopped speaking with him, and the child he had was kept by the mother’s family.
He couldn’t keep up the lies and deceit so he definitely crashed! It’s a long time to wait, and I was out and over it way before it happened – and to be honest, I felt sorry for him. I wondered if it was Karma, or if it would have happened whether or not I was with him still…I’m glad I’m not with him of course, but as an empath I still feel sorry for someone else’s suffering.
Wow when you mentioned your psychic friend. My psychic friend asked to see me asap after meeting the ex and said “Maria your not being told the truth he is hiding something from you”. I always felt something wasn’t right but couldn’t put my finger on it. Little did I know he was leading a double life. It was a long distance relationship so I was non the wiser until he was hiding an STD from me on holiday! The game was up when he had to see a doctor in Malta ( he asked me to wait outside) and he prescribed him Aciclovir 800mg 5 times a day. He led me to believe it was back pain Ha! Until I discovered it for myself when I took the blanket off him and seen the sores! The Shock!! Back pain my foot! He was nothing more than a Liar and a Cheat! The distance kept him safe to do as he pleased. 119 miles distance from my home to his. Lesson learned.
And to add another story to the previous one – I fell victim again to a sociopath more recently. Met him as a dreamy charmer a few months ago and he quickly got me to get him a credit card on my account. His promises to pay never happened, and in fact he gave me a false bank account number to try and pay it – which had the card cancel the entire account due to the fraud (which luckily was in his name, but still, I lost a credit card account that I had held for 30 years).
This sociopath feeds money off his victim, using fake financial schemes that collect in the millions. Private jets, expensive hotels, designer clothes and jewelry – I lost around $100K to this man in just two short months, not realising until it was too late that he had no intention to ever pay me anything.
I threatened a lawsuit and he started to threaten the lawyer and myself directly.
So…will this sociopath crash and burn? Probably. He leads a risky life, works with law enforcement with false badges, pilot and such – the financial fraud alone will catch up and he’ll have to move again to find another location to source for income. Maybe it will be another 10 years, doesn’t really help with my situation right now, but I suppose to know he won’t make it very far does help.
That’s terrible! This monster left you in so much debt and having to recover your own financial worthiness to your bank. I can’t imagine how this must of felt for you. All your hard earned money gone through a con man! My heart goes out to you it really does. My story is nothing compared to yours I was able to walk away free from any further chaos. How you must be feeling right now is indescribable. To be left with so much financial loss must be awful. Love and Hugs to you xx
I had a narcissistic drug addict neighbor who was disturbing others and he was evicted. I have another narcissistic neighbor who is O.K. for awhile then becomes offensive again. I would like to see her evicted.
I briefly saw the psychopath I had No Contact with for 18 months. He works in the area. I felt repulsed as usual. Good to be free of him.
I like this blog.
I came here looking for some advice about my physically abusive and very likely sociopath ex gf. There’s a lot of horror stories on here. But one thing strikes me, and there doesn’t appear to be an iota of empathy or compassion for these people. And yes they are people. It’s probably not possible, but if there was a way I’d love for my ex to be able to get better, although I wouldn’t go within a mile of her after the things she’s done. Nobody would willingly choose to be like that. Well, Hitler maybe. It’s not her fault her wiring is all fucked up. Your particular sociopaths had a reason for being bastards, what’s your excuse for being shitty people?
evilwayz – sociopaths are not slaves to their biology. They can control their behavior when it suits their purpose. They simply choose to exploit and manipulate others. They know they are hurting people; they just don’t care.
Many of us did feel empathy for the socicopaths – until we discovered that all the stories they were telling us were lies.
Thank you, kind of odd, she is attacking the victims, either she doesnt fully understand this or may be miswired herself? I refuse to believe I am a shitty person, I prayed and loved obsessively for 5 years for my ex to be healed…… I guess God knew there was no help for him on this planet. I pretty much think he is burning in hell right now for all the pain he caused SO MANY PEOPLE and I really dont care what anyone thinks about that!!!
I’m super confused by your misguided take on this, evilwayz. If you are using this site to educate and empower yourself regarding your entanglement with a sociopath, then it is bizarre (to me) that you are insulting those who have reached out and shared their experiences. Re-read the stories. Each and every person who has shared with you and countless others have endured extensive abuse and exploitation which is consistently underpinned and perpetuated by the victim’s love and empathy for the sociopath. The fact that we are not shitty people is their hook.
evilwayz People are targets for psychopaths because they have hyperempathy. Therapist Sandra Brown explains this in her book ‘Women Who Love Psychopaths- Inside the Relationship of Inevitable Harm’. People who are involved with psychopaths are advised to go No Contact.
This post by this ‘evilwayz’ does not sound real nor plausible. At all.
This person is merely trolling and projecting.
This does not work here.
(Don’t dignify this crap with any more responses. That is what this person wants).
Bev, I agree with you 100%.
I like number 9.
I have to disagree with Orion,
(oops his comment was 3 months ago, sorry I’m new to blogging I should’ve replied directly to his comment)
But, how I feel also applies to evilwayz.
I was constantly experiencing number 6 with my N.
We had a successful business that was making more than we needed to run it, we could have set ourselves up for the rest of our lives, but there was never enough for him. He used it as his own personal bank account, spent each months income before it came in, borrowed to cover debts then blamed the business for not making enough. He’d come up with schemes behind my back to make more money and borrow that money from less than reputable people at rediculous interest rates to set those schemes up (7). In fact the twisted mess he created, and still does, also incorporates 8. Just because he’s never been caught means nothing, he’s still a criminal (8). He’s had to start again so many times, establishing new dupes to strip of their money (me being one, and I’d been with him for 17 years, and that was 17 years too long! I only just finally broke free of the addiction, fear and manipulation). I’m currently taking him to court. I have walked away discarded & devastated so many times, having to start from scratch, finding a job & somewhere to live, only to be hoovered back. This time I refuse to walk away. I’m the only one in his entire life that’s fought back. I may end up with nothing, I accept that. He’s arrogance has left too many trails, he can’t escape the inevitable, & when we go to trial the minimum result for him will be that he ends up stripped of all his precious possessions, along with being banned from ever running a business again, or his worst nightmare will come true, he’ll end up in jail. Either way, this time it will be his life that falls apart (9).
PS
I wanted to add this & thought I shouldn’t. I changed my mind, it’s what my guts telling me.
What I’ve experienced won’t matter to you Orion, I know that, you are obvious. It’s obvious that you aren’t here to share, care or heal.
It’s obvious what you are.
I like ‘Sociopaths crash and burn’.
mine died of a heroine overdose, pretty sure he’s burning in hell now