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Archive for May, 2009

PTSD, defeat and the victim identity

When I was a med student, I studied animal models for human stress and depression. The best animal model of what a psychopath does to others is that of the rodent resident-intruder paradigm. In this model, males are introduced into the home territory of other males, they experience social defeat and are removed before they are injured. Repeated exposure to this situation produces a defeated animal who is chronically submissive and gives up without a fight whenever he encounters other males. Below is the posture of a defeated mouse.

defeated mouse

Defeated mouse. (Photo copyright Stefan Reber. Used by permission.)

How parasites–like ticks and psychopaths–work

By Ox Drover

As an advanced practice nurse, one of the things I did here in the rural area where parasites are common was warn people about the many diseases, several of them potentially fatal, caused by a common parasite, the tick.

Here on LoveFraud we often refer to psychopaths as “parasites” because, like a common blood-sucking tick, they feed off of a host, without giving any benefit to the host, or giving any more thought to the damage they do to the host than a common tick does as he burrows into your flesh.

Marriage to a sociopath ends in murder

Kelsi Miller

The beautiful young woman in the photo above is dead. On October 7, 2008, in Odessa, Texas, Kelsi Miller was murdered by her husband, Jarrett Weaver, a young man who fit the profile of a sociopath. He, too, is dead. Lovefraud just published their tragic story: Jarrett Weaver shoots his wife, then he shoots himself.

It’s heart-wrenching, worst-case scenario of what happens when people don’t understand the evil of a sociopath.

Kelsi Miller had everything going for her. Besides her obvious beauty, she was accomplished and caring. She was studying to be a nurse. Jarrett Weaver, however, was a manipulative drug addict who couldn’t hold a job. He was violent on the eve of their wedding, and the violence escalated to the unthinkable.

Posted in: Cases, Donna Andersen

Sociopathic priests and abuse of the spirit

The Reverend Charles Newman, former president of Archbishop Ryan High School in Philadelphia, was sentenced on Friday to three to six years in prison for stealing almost $1 million from the school, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer.

As if that isn’t bad enough, prosecutors say that Newman gave about $54,000 to Arthur Baselice III, once a student at the school, as “hush money” so he would keep quiet about their sexual relationship. Authorities contend that the abuse began when Baselice III was 16-year-old junior at the school. He graduated in 1996. Ten years later, on November 30, 2006, Baselice III died of an overdose in a drug house.

The “immunity mindset” and the sociopath

Imagine you can make yourself invisible (at will) and, thereby, effectively innoculate yourself against the consequences of your violating behaviors.

This playful scenario posits a power bordering on omnipotent. You can do what you want, when you want, to whom you want, secure in the knowledge that you can get away with it.

Your invisibility effectively liberates you from the normal rules and boundaries that regulate interpersonal conduct.

Now let’s be honest”¦with this power, how many of us would use it for our own amusement, and to our own advantage?

The true answer: most of us?

The Fantasy of Unconditional Love

By Ox Drover

I was led to believe as a child that we should “love unconditionally” and that we should “forgive unconditionally.” This was the rule around our house. I did start to notice, though, that while I was to apply this “unconditional forgiveness and love” to others, those same people did not always apply it to me.

When my children were born, I felt the first real and true “unconditional” love I had ever felt for anyone. I would gaze into the crib and watch my child sleep, little fists curled up, ten perfect little fingers with ten perfect little finger nails. The warmth of this truly “unconditional” love swept through my heart and made my eyes tear up with joy.

Brian Ellington arrested in New York City

One of Lovefraud’s con artist poster boys, James Brian Ellington, was arrested in New York City on May 15, 2009 at nearly 1 a.m. for trespass, forced entry and assault. According to the New York Post, where the case was cited in yesterday’s police blotter, Ellington “was arrested for assaulting a female friend when she demanded that he leave her Upper East Side apartment.”

Lovefraud was advised of the arrest by a reader that afternoon, who said Ellington “is scheduled to be arraigned tonight, and due to his criminal past, is unlikely to make bail. Furthermore, he has no money for bail and no one left to lend it to him, having even called the woman he assaulted from the courthouse to beg for her help.”

BOOK REVIEW: The Gift of Betrayal

Dr. Eve Wood is a practicing psychiatrist and an author of motivational books such as There’s Always Help; There’s Always Hope and 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life. Her motto is, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Now she’s written a new book that she wished was available when her own life fell apart: The Gift of Betrayal—How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes, available in the Lovefraud Store.

Dr. Wood’s husband of 27 years betrayed her. For legal reasons, she doesn’t tell exactly what he did, except to say the magnitude of the betrayal was truly shocking and she could have died. Reading through the lines, it sounds like she was involved with a sociopath, and we all know what that’s like.

PTSD: That was then, this is now

According to the National Institutes of Health website “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.”

Signs and Symptoms of PTSD are grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my children not suffer?


Editor’s note: Lovefraud has received another question from Andrea, who wrote in a month ago. If you have any suggestions for her, please share them.

I am looking for some strong advice on how to help my children deal with their father ”¦ my ex ”¦ who is a sociopath. We have been divorced for 4 years and I have been terrified of this man. Not so much physically, but more just afraid of his bullying and threats. Even though people have told me that his threats are just words and he cannot follow through on them, it is still hard when he is so confident that he is so right and I am so wrong. I have tried very hard to take the high road through all of this and he falls in this gray area between legal and illegal, but suffers no consequences. I have been told that once I stop letting him get to me, he will get bored and move on to someone else.

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