How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships

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Here at Lovefraud, we've heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are: 1. Calculated exploitation The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man

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Editor's note: Andrew J. Harper wasn't who he said he was. He wasn't a professional drag racer and he didn't own properties in Europe. But at least 17 women in Australia, New Zealand and the United States believed him—and many lost money because they did. Two of his victims, Diana Mors, who posts on Lovefraud as “AJH_Victim1,” and Rebecca Bell, worked together to find the truth, and the con man was finally arrested in October, 2010. The women told their story in the January 2011 issue of The Australian Woman's Weekly, and then in the North West Star. Read: ”˜How I caught a con man' on NorthWestStar.com.au With the publicity, the women have been contacted by many victim …

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Lack of remorse more significant of sociopathy than lack of empathy?

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Sometimes I like to revisit, churn all over again, a prior concern around sociopathy. A number of colleagues were recently stressing the defective quality of empathy in the more sociopathic clients they work with, while I found myself stressing the quality of remorselessness in the more sociopathic clients with whom I work (and have worked). In my view, remorselessness is a much more serious indicator of sociopathy than lack of empathy per se. I know I've stated this in previous pieces, but well”¦here I go all over again. Many people lack empathy for a great many reasons, depending on how one even defines empathy. But clearly this is true—many of us have a relatively difficult time emot …

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The tangents and the point

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is a long, expansive story, and there's a reason for its complexity. The reason is in the book's subtitle. Love Fraud tells the story of my marriage to a sociopathic con artist. It's a juicy, outrageous tale, full jaw-dropping lies and manipulation. The book focuses a harsh light on the despicable behavior of my ex-husband, James Montgomery. My goal is to give people an up close and personal look at what it's really like to be targeted by a sociopath. But that isn't my only goal. I believe the …

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Locking up bad fathers is good for kids

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A new study by Economist David Neumark at the University of California - Irvine found that married, two-person households are not always best for children. The study found that the increased incarceration of minority men contributed to fewer minority high school dropouts. Read Kids are all right with just mom, on the University of California - Irvine website. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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When to trust your man (or woman)

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The question was, “When can you trust your man?” A reporter who was writing an article on the topic for a major women's magazine asked the question. It showed up in my e-mail because I subscribe to a service that distributes questions from reporters to experts all around the world who may be able to answer them. I knew what the reporter was looking for. She wanted succinct little tips like: “You can trust your man if he always shows up when he says he will, or at least calls to tell you he'll be late.” “You can trust your man if he introduces you to his mother.” “You can trust your man if he shows you his income tax return.” But, after being married to a sociopath, and hearin …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Female sociopath shares her experience of growing up with one and using what she learned

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Editor's note: Lovefraud has been contacted by a 27-year-old woman who has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and depression. Reading some of your questions about female sociopaths, this woman offered to share her experience so that you may gain insight and protect yourselves. She will not be posting comments. This woman says her mother is narcissistic and there is a history of psychopathy on her father's side, although she doesn't know her father's family because her parents divorced when she was young. Personally, I do feel sorry for this young woman—which would probably annoy her. The cards were stacked against her from the day she was born. She is in therapy and on …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The dangers of friendship with a female predator

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as “Kerisee04.” How does a person know if they have engaged in a friendship with a female sociopath? So often it is the romantic relationships that are discussed, and usually about male sociopaths. First of all, it's important to note that if you are a male, to the female sociopath, you either a sexual target or a source of financial gain. In my experience with the female sociopath, in her mind, there is no man beyond her reach. She has sexual fantasies about all men she encounters and runs scenarios in her head to accomplish her goal. In my naive state of mind, I had no idea this particular female sociopath was a …

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Sociopaths and credit cards

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Sociopaths love credit cards—especially when they are in someone else's name. Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a woman whose daughter is married to a sociopath. “How do they do it?” she asked. “How do they get you to put credit cards in your name that they will use?” Our daughter has now procured a card, ugh, (only found out since the billing came here) and I know this is for HIS use and he will be the one using it, burying her in debt that she will never get out of and do you think for a minute HE will pay this debt?? Ha!  He does NOT have credit cards (I often wonder why)? Refuses to get one, why? But it's okay to use hers?? I can relate to this experience, because it happened t …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: ‘O like Umbrella,’ and the shut down mechanism

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Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Quest.” As most of us know what its like to be a psychopath victim, I am not going to go into all the details of my relationship with a full-blown psychopathic woman that turned my life into a living hell in just 18 months. What I really want to talk about is the mental effects that this woman was able to inflict upon me without my conscious realisation, gaslighting it's called. Just so there is a little background, I am a 55-year-old male and split from my ex psychopath female mate three years ago. We were in a relationship for 18 months. At the time we split up, I knew the relationship was beyond repair, bu …

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