How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Red Flags of Love Fraud: Not just another book on sociopaths

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 By Sarah Strudwick Editor's note: Sarah Strudwick is author of "Dark Souls," and has created numerous cartoons describing the behavior of sociopaths. When I first got a copy of Donna Andersen's Red Flags of Love Fraud, my immediate reaction was, “Oh yet another book on sociopaths.” Having been a victim myself, and a fellow author who has read almost every book on the subject, I was half expecting to find a book that was regurgitating old ideas with nothing new to say. Well how wrong I was, because this is not one of those books. Apart from one other book I have read recently on Character Disturbance, this has to be the best book I have read so far on sociopaths. Donna Andersen comb …

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Taking care of our own needs first

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP, (retired) There have been some discussions on Lovefraud lately about people not taking care of themselves, “until X happens, then I'm going to go to the doctor.” This got me to thinking about how important it is for us to put ourselves first. The very person who has always “put others first” (me) because that is what a “good person does” would feel very guilty if I spent money on myself, even for things I needed. I would send money to my son Patrick in prison for commissary money when I had to do without things I needed or wanted, because I felt guilty if I didn't send him money. Eating to feed his children You may have heard me tell this story before and I'm …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call Hilary. Names are changed. The night before I met Nick, I had a vivid nightmare. I lost sight of a caring man in a chaotic crowd, a baby was murdered, and I was poisoned. I awoke and heard, "Wait for the right one. Don't try to save him. You'll ruin yourself and your future." The thought was so pervasive that, although I was perplexed, I wrote it down. The following afternoon, I met Nick (with whom I'd connected on a dating site) on his boat at the local marina, and an afternoon sail turned into an “accidental” dinner with his parents and sister, drinks afterward, and hours of conversation late into the n …

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Will you participate in research about psychopaths in the workplace?

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Do you suspect that someone you work with is a psychopath? Do they act superficially charming, lack remorse, lie to you, cheat, or attempt to manipulate you? Read more to find out about our study.   Dear Members of the Lovefraud Blog, My name is Janelle and I am a Master's student at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I'm currently working on my Master's thesis in Forensic Psychology under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth. The topic of my research is psychopathy in the workplace and the effects this has on victims. Psychopathy in the workplace is a relatively new area of study in psychology. Most of the research to date focuses on the psychopathic individuals while neglecting to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voice

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Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader. When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I. After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into marriage again after being married for 12 years. However, he never let up. He kept …

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Study: Psychopaths have less grey matter for understanding emotions

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Researchers based at the King's College of London Institute of Psychiatry used MRIs to scan the brains of 44 violent adult male criminals who had already been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Of the total, 17 also were diagnosed as psychopathic. The study found that the psychopaths' brains had signifcantly less grey matter in the part of the brain that understands other people's emotions and intentions. Read Study finds psychopaths have distinct brain structure, on Foxnews.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Being, Accepting and Letting Go

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  After much contemplation, I decided I'd like to continue along the theme of last week's post since the sense of ”˜thoughts becoming things' seems to be becoming even more important to me at the moment. And from the energetic conversation threads from last week it appears to be quite an emotive subject for people here as well! The picture I've chosen this week is the classic “Hag or Beautiful Young Woman” illustration that shows there can be two very different sides to the same situation, depending on our perception. I often use it to remind myself, when I'm having a “Hag” of a day, to change my perspective and seek out the “Beautiful Young Woman—¦. She's always there somewhere”¦ ;- …

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Why laws don’t work with sociopaths

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The federal Violence Against Women Act is up for renewal. This law, originally passed in 1994, provides the following programs and services: Community violence prevention programs Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women and women of different races or ethnicities Programs and services for victims with disabilities Legal aid for survivors of violence The law has already been renewed twice, in 2000 and 2005, always without fanfare. This year, however, opponents object to expanding …

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Just what we need – justification for fraud

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Researchers say that many people commit fraud unintentionally. And, they commit fraud not because they're greedy, but because they're nice! Great now sociopaths will say they're only being nice! Read Psychology of fraud: Why good people do bad things, on NPR.org. So how will the researchers explain this? Three Shoreline women charged with defrauding victims of more than $1 million in exclusive 'Gifting Club' pyramid scheme, on Courant.com. Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Comparing our losses to the losses of others

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of the things I have heard from victims of psychopaths here at Lovefraud, seemingly over and over, is that people compare their losses to my losses and Donna's losses and Dr. Liane Leedom's losses, etc. and think that their losses don't “count” because they haven't lost X, Y, or Z and we did. They seem to think that because I lost a child, or Liane lost her medical practice, or Donna lost a quarter of a million dollars, that they are not entitled to feel as injured as we were/are. The people expressing this somehow seem to have “survivor's guilt” about feeling so devastated when their losses were somehow “less.” Or they feel that we are somehow “sup …

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