By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes I have felt like I was totally alone in having a son (child) who was capable of horrible things. Sometimes I have felt like I was alone in turning my son in to police for the crimes he committed. Though the crime I turned my son in for was for theft, I still felt alone in doing so, and was criticized by people, even family members, for doing it. However, two recent stories have ripped my heart out. I had been following the case of the missing 12 year old New Jersey girl, but the alleged murderers were caught and charged. Their mother turned them in to police. Here is the most recent news: Teens accused of killing Clayton 12-year-old Autumn …
Rest In Peace Baby Boy – The Courts Failed Us
On October 21, 2012 at 8:38pm my baby boy was officially pronounced dead. I sit here typing and I am still in complete shock. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to write about, but tonight as I sit here I realize that baby boy needs me to tell his story — our story. It is a tragic story. It is a story about a guardian angel and his mama. It is a story about the day I lost my little angel, my soul, and my reason to keep living. 8:30am Friday October 19th: Baby boy had been running a fever and the night before his fever had spiked again causing another seizure. I called the ambulance, per usual, and again was told that baby boy was fine and that Febrile Seizure are benign and that I shoul …
Loving the sociopath who’s spared you
(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) It can be hard to hate or despise even the most terrible human being so long as he's inflicted his cruelty on others, but spared you. Take a sociopathic relative, even a close one. If somehow he compartmentalized his life, lived a “double life—”in any case, if you learned that he treated you (retrospectively even) with an exceptional, aberrant mercy that he denied his victims, you might very possibly remain “loyal” to him. You might still even “love” him. Various defenses are pertine …
What should she do about a violent stalker?
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now. One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole. After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him. I am considering calling his probation officer to …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homework
Editor's note: The following article was received by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." It's been over a year since I discovered that the man that I married had been living a double-life before we ever even met. My vulnerabilities were the beacon that he gravitated towards: exiting an abusive marriage, loving to my children, spiritually "grounded," artistic and creative, and all of these attributes and vulnerabilities in addition to a "socially connected" family with a colorful history were exploitable and desirable. I believed his words and assertions because I wanted to. I "needed" to feel validated and valued because I couldn't provide this to myself, on my own. I've …
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I Don’t Want to Live That Life
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Recently I found a book in a “junk book store” that caught my eye. Its title was I Don't Want to Live This Life, and it was written by Deborah Spungen. The book is about her family trying to raise a “difficult child,” her first daughter, Nancy. Nancy was murdered by her boyfriend, a “rock star” named Sid Vicious, in the 1970s. Nancy's birth was problematic with the cord around her neck, and a rare blood disorder caused her to need a total blood exchange transfusion immediately after birth. From the day that she was brought home from the hospital, she screamed and fought her caregivers. By the time she was 14 she was out of control. By the time she was 1 …
The sociopath’s “loyalty” deficiency
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. The use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) “Loyalty” and “the sociopath” are incompatible terms. We've discussed many traits of the exploitive personality, but let's not minimize a very vital one: deficient loyalty. Clearly, deficient loyalty is a sociopathic characteristic. A deficiency of loyalty can be disguised very well by clever, self-serving rationalizations. But you will not find the case of a true sociopath about whom you will ever be able to say: he (or she) was really, through and through, truly loyal. L …
Just a dream: the subconscious doesn’t forget
One night last week, I awoke from a very real dream. It was not horrible or frightening. In fact, it was quite ordinary. It was a very accurate depiction of the everyday exchanges that commonly occurred in what was once my life. As dreams go, things were slightly out of place and somewhat strange, but I understood. In the dream, it was a crisp October evening. I was dressed in jeans and a sweater. He was dressed in navy blue dress pants and a white shirt. The accoutrements were missing from the shirt, as they often were in reality. Why we were together, as he came from work, I have no idea. I was younger in the dream, the age I was the day we met, but he was his current age. We …
Disarray in the DSM-5
The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the DSM-5. This is the "bible" used by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals to diagnosis psychiatric conditions, including antisocial personality disorder. Two members of the committee working on personality disorders have resigned, stating that the proposal displays a "stunning disregard for evidence." Dr. Liane Leedom and I had issues with how the first draft described antisocial personality disorder, which was why we conducted a Lovefraud survey back in 2010. Based on the survey results, we submitted Lovefraud's comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5. The d …
Society Blames the Victim Instead of the Psychopath – I’m Sick of It!
I am not sure why I am still shocked when people choose to blame the psychopath's victim. I have heard that this is normal from others who have suffered from an encounter with psychopath, but I still get a bit shocked each time it happens to me. From friends, to family, to the courts, to complete strangers — people seem to want to find something wrong with me to somehow better explain to themselves how I ended up being fooled by my psychopath ex. It has been happening so long that sometimes I find myself wondering there is something wrong with me that made me ignore the red flags and believe the completely fantastic story he was telling me. The Judgements: This week alone, I have exp …
Society Blames the Victim Instead of the Psychopath – I’m Sick of It!Read More