This request always left me at a loss for words. It made me really uncomfortable. Most of the time I would just state basic facts: the city I grew up in, where I went to school, what my profession is. I wasn't trying to be unfriendly.......I honestly had no idea how to answer this. I only recently realized why this was so difficult for me. When you are raised by psychopaths, or in a relationship with a psychopath, the lines between their life and yours get blurred. They swallow you up like a sinkhole. Your desires, feelings, goals and interests no longer matter. If the psychopath likes something, you'd better find a way to like it too. If they think something is ridiculous, you'd …
The Sociopath as Coach
So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we're connected at the hip for life because we share three children. (It's been sixteen years so far.) And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We're still in court today, trying to work out the details of that. Because despite all the issues I've experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the professionals involved did (finally) manage to ask why we're back in court and why I should lose custody. My ex had his full list of reasons, but man, I've been fighting back. Which means defending myself as a parent. Sending photographs to the guardian of the kids and I—since birth. Reminding them …
Trauma can be passed on in molecules of DNA
Research has shown that a traumatic experience can cause changes in a person's mental health, and can also change their DNA. This means trauma may get passed to future generations. At the University of Zurich and ETH Zurich (Swiss Federal Institute of Technology), researchers have discovered that the short RNA molecules that perform a wide range of vital roles in the body were altered in mice when exposed to trauma. "We were able to demonstrate for the first time that traumatic experiences affect metabolism in the long-term and that these changes are hereditary," said Professor Isabelle Mansuy, as quoted by the Daily Mail. "With the imbalance in microRNAs in sperm, we have discovered a …
Dancing to death: Katsura Kan, butoh dance master, drives his student, Sharon Stern, to suicide, family alleges
'The dance of darkness,' for the beautiful, happy and vibrant Sharon Stern, became the dance of death. Sharon Stern, 32, of Hollywood, Florida, aspired to perfect her performance of butoh, a Japanese style of contemporary dance. Instead, she lost her sanity and committed suicide, allegedly driven to despair by her butoh master, Katsura Kan, according to a lawsuit filed by her family. "Katsura Kan brainwashed her against her family and her life," said her heartbroken father, Tibor Stern, 65, of Hollywood, Florida. "He made her forget everything that was happy about life, and told her she needed to experience pain and suffering, until he had full control over her." I just wrote this …
Father allegedly kept teen stowaway from his mother for eight years
Yahya Abdi, the teen who survived the 5 ½ hour flight in a jet wheel well, despite extreme cold and low oxygen levels, has left Hawaii and returned to California. A relative said the boy's father was denied access. Abdi, a 15-year-old boy originally from Somalia, has not seen his mother in eight years. Abdilahi Yusuf, Abdi's father, allegedly took Abdi and his brother and sister to the United States without his mother's permission. The boy had been told by his father that his mother was dead. Abdi recently found out that his mother was not dead; she was living in a remote refugee camp in eastern Ethiopia. With this news he hopped a fence at San Jose International Airport and climbed in …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The only hope I have is that Karma exists
Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefaud reader whom we'll call “Bessy.” A "relationship" that spanned one year will take me a lifetime, no doubt, to even try to comprehend. From my readings, which have been countless, I know there will never be "closure." This person I didn't even "invite" into my life, effortlessly wormed his way in very quickly and drove me to lose 80 pounds and become suicidal. In the blink of an eye. I would not even normally associate with this type of person he would never be in my circle of friends. Right off the bat, I had glaring red flags and ignored or explained every single one of them away Be more adventurous, I told myself. Give t …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Reader needs advice to protect her kids
Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader who goes by the name of “NomorePTSD” has a request. Can any Lovefraud readers offer her any advice or suggestions? This is “NomorePTSD.” My blog post, LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath, appeared on Lovefraud in June of 2013. I talked about my healing from flashbacks that were a result of my childhood and beginning adulthood relationship with my mother, a sociopath who stalked me for 18 years, motivated largely by envy. We are doing total No Contact, and have essentially erased ourselves from the map of her world. Now I have a bit of a dilemma with privacy. My husband and I moved to a new place, bought our home in a LLC and our ca …
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Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent
After being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by sociopathic parents, I often wondered when the trauma would stop. Would it get better as they aged? Or would I be relentlessly tormented until they passed away? The answer: neither. After their passing, their legacy continued to haunt me. My father was the violent, malevolent sociopath. Yet, my mother caused by far more pain. You see, my mother was a master of deceit. If you offended her (or worse, threatened to expose her), she would effortlessly spin webs of lies around you. Incite her anger, and suddenly you are Alice in Wonderland - sucked into her rabbit hole where nothing is at it seems, wondering what just happe …
Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?
Last week in Hard to See a Psychopath, I dedicated my post to seeing psychopaths/sociopaths more clearly. I talked about the need for assessments—meaning more training for more clinicians—as a place to start in our quest to "make things better." But what's next? Let's say you're in the family court system. Does an assessment make a difference? Why start there? I thought hard about this all week. Because for the past decade or two, I've lived in a space where I know that my ex is hurting people, but I've been silenced or belittled or ignored in most arenas when I try to talk about it. And I've imagined, many times, that if people just knew the truth, it would make a difference. This wee …
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Why I wrote ‘The Devil’s Opus’
By Margaux Mannion Brown Editor's note: Margaux Mannion Brown is the pen name for a Lovefraud reader. Ideas for The Devil's Opus began to emerge when I became fascinated with sociopathic personalities. This occurred when I discovered that one of my close friends had married one. Everyone liked Joe. He was charming, flattering, and helpful. So helpful, that through his career as an investment broker, he was able to scam hundreds of thousands of dollars out of his clients, friends and family. Most of the money was lost on gambling. The rest of it went on big houses, fancy cars, and expensive vacations he pretended to afford. Things fell apart for Joe when people began to demand their i …