How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: The modus operandi of disordered partners

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey [I will use masculine pronouns for the destructive partner for the sake of simplicity, though destructive partners are often female.] There are a number of modus operandi a narcissistic or socio / psychopathic partner employs in a destructive relationship, as a response to your needs, complaints, or issues in the relationship. One is that you are kept off balance. You may be feeling desperate and alone a lot in the relationship because your partner has become more distant, disengaged, angry, and rejecting (sexually and/or emotionally). Perhaps he has even become abusive. But, if you complain too much or bring up suspicious …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …

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Documents reveal Chicago Catholic Church sex abuse cover-up

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The Chicago Diocese of the Roman Catholic Church moved priests accused of child molestation from parish to parish, hiding their histories from the community, according to lawyers for the victims. The Diocese says allegations against 65 priests were substantiated. Documents related to 30 of them were posted on the Internet yesterday. Archdiocese of Chicago fought to conceal abuse claims: report, on NYDailyNews.com. Website with the actual documents: Archdiocese of Chicago Documents, on AndersonAdvocates.com More on the crisis: U.N. committee criticizes Vatican for allegedly enabling child sex abuse, on NYDailyNews.com.   …

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Divorcing A Sociopath: Getting Away, Staying Away

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 by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity.  These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs.  Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even  possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain.  Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband,  or pretending he was a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How do you learn to trust again?

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in from Lovefraud reader wandergirl7. While reading through a magazine on "how to write" I came upon a phrase that completely caught my interest. "If it didn't have to be pretty, what would you write?" Life isn't all peaches and cream and your writing shouldn't be either. It is often quoted that what happens in your life, especially the incidents that cause you hurt, loss and pain, are lessons. Do things really happen for a reason? What is the reason and who is arranging the scenes? Yes, you could be in the wrong place at the wrong time or the other way around, the right place. Luck could fall upon you. Disaster strikes! There are no simplified answers. …

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Domestic abuse victim predicted her death with restraining orders

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Amy Hargrove, a 28 year-old resident of Washington State was found strangled in her parent's home on January 6, 2014. Since 2012, Hargrove got two restraining orders against her abusive ex-boyfriend Michael Crowly because she feared for her life. 'A piece of paper isn't going to save my life when he finally gets me, but at least you will know who killed me,' said Hargrove in one of the petitions to King County Court. Crowly, who abused Hargrove for years is considered a person of interest  and is cooperating with authorities but has not yet been charged with her death. 'A bit of paper isn't going to save me, but at least you'll know who killed me': Woman's pleas months before ex …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Document. Document. Document.

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Gianna.” When I left my ex he always promised me he would never let me have the kids. I have custody of our children, but he has not left me alone. Contempt motions Recently, we were back in court for a contempt motion he had filed against me. The magistrate stated I was not in contempt, but proceeded to set a date for a full day hearing anyway. My ex played the missing-the-kids-wanting-more-time-with-them card, so even though I didn't violate anything we are supposed to work out a better visitation schedule for him — one that gives him more time than Local Rules outline. Now, even though I am not …

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Man in Turkey sentenced to rape by fraud

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Editor's note: Here's more news from "Mavi" in Turkey. She has translated a news article for Lovefraud. Some more accurate English translations are suggested in italics. Women rights are miserable in my country. We have the so-called rights, but socially we don't have them. I should probably separate myself from the majority because I live in an intellectual circle, so I don't suffer from social pressure like the others do. Anyway, the rapists, pedophiles, murderers don't get what they deserve legally most of the time. But yesterday I read this news: A psychopath defrauded many women; many of them have been scared and avoided giving testimony but two women did and he has been condemned …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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‘Divorce Corp’ documentary exposes corrupt and collusive divorce industry – even before the sociopaths show up

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Divorce Corp, a documentary playing in selected theaters through Jan. 16, 2014, takes direct aim at unscrupulous judges, lawyers and family court professionals, and the incestuous system that enables them to feed each other business and get rich. Some women's organizations consider the film to be dangerously one-sided. But I think it at least begins a discussion about what is really going on in family courts. Here's how the Divorce Corp documentary producers describe their movie: More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined — over $50 billion a year and growing. Through extensive r …

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