How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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I thought I was the 3rd wife, but I was more like No. 8

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Gale." I was a widow for 5 years. After being married for 43 years, my husband died of cancer. I did not like being alone and therefore I was vulnerable, to say the least. I enjoyed being a wife & mother, and sharing, loving & caring for my family. I met my psycho on the internet, thru a dating web site. Had I trusted my intuition, I would have run. There were many red flags. I did not ignore, but was charmingly convinced I was not being fair, but judgmental. I considered myself to be the 3rd wife, but after several years of marriage, one of his daughters convinced me I was more like number …

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Sociopaths and Parental Alienation

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He trained our children with Skittles. Sometimes he used little wads of paper. Any time we were in public places together, like watching a game or something, my ex would take a napkin or a popcorn bag and tear it up and throw little pieces of it at them if they were sitting with me. Or he'd buy a bag of Skittles and throw them, one at a time, giggling and smiling as he bounced them off the backs of their heads until they got up from their place beside me and moved over to sit with him. Then he would let them relax. It sounds miniscule. But that's where parental alienation lives—in every miniscule detail. It's not just in court—it's also in the granular. In the point where a child fin …

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For Valentine’s Day: The difference between sociopathic “love” and real love

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Yes, there is love after the sociopath. I divorced my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, in 2000. A little more than a year later, I met Terry Kelly. We dated for a few years, got to know each other, and then married. Terry and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary. I can honestly say that I am as happy and in love as I was on our wedding day. What's different about love with a normal, caring person, and "love" with a sociopath? Just about everything. Real love is peaceful I don't have the stress, drama and doubt that I felt while married to the sociopath. Instead, with Terry, I feel calm and content. Real love is supportive My sociopathic ex-husband was demanding and …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I will not let another person control my heart and my brain

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Editor's note: The following email was received from a reader whom we'll call "Clara." I am so glad that I decided to look into narcissism and psychological problems. I have found my answers and feel better already. I now have an answer to what happened to my whirlwind romance. Thankfully I was a lot luckier than the other women that have posted. My guy was perfect for 4 months. Then it went into hyperdrive and he told me he was in love with me. I was feeling it also. He emotionally got me into that position for the 4 months. He was beautiful and loving and thoughtful. I couldn't believe my luck! Exactly 9 days after he told me he was in love with me, our relationship was over. He said …

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Brain Science Part 3: Psychopathic brains and punishment

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Editor's note: Third in a series of three articles appearing in other publications on what scientists are learning about the brain and behavior through MRI imaging. A new study finds that psychopaths have abnormalities in the parts of their brains related to learning from punishment. MRI studies were conducted on violent offenders 12 with psychopathy and 20 with antisocial personality disorder but not psychopathy along with 18 healthy non-offenders. Those with psychopathy showed differences in the brain regions associated with empathy, processing of pro-social emotions such as guilt and embarrassment, and moral reasoning. The research showed that the psychopathic offenders failed to l …

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Brain Science Part 2: Brains of homicidal juveniles appear to be different

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Editor's note: Second in a series of three articles appearing in other publications on what scientists are learning about the brain and behavior through MRI imaging. Brain scans of 12-18 year old juvenile offenders who have committed homicides look different than the scans of juvenile offenders who have not committed homicides, according to a study published in the journal NeuroImage: Clinical. Dr. Kent Kiehl, of the Mind Research Network in Albuquerque, New Mexico, says the differences have serious implications for understanding some of the root brain problems that could lead youths to cross a line and commit violent crime. Dr. Kiehl hopes that through neuroscience, at-risk kids may be …

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Brain Science Part 1: Teenage brains vulnerable to poor judgment

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Editor's note: First in a series of three articles appearing in other publications on what scientists are learning about the brain and behavior through MRI imaging. Teenage brains are still under construction. MRI imaging has found that while the areas of the brain associated with motor control and hand/eye coordination are fully developed, the parts associated with rational thinking and evaluating future consequences are half-baked. The result: Even smart, well-behaved teenagers are motivated by emotion and pleasure, which can lead them to take dangerous risks. Teens' immature brains pose all sorts of dangers, on Philly.com. Tomorrow: Brains of homicidal juveniles appear to be …

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Co-parenting and Interactions with the Sociopath After the Divorce

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by Quinn Pierce I sat on the edge of the stage watching the teams race up and down the court. It was the first game of my son's basketball tournament. I knew my ex-husband was there, because I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot.  I wasn't surprised that he was there, even though he said he wasn't going.  He often changed his plans last minute, or lied entirely just to avoid giving a difinitive answer and to keep others off balance. When I saw him standing by the players, I felt a mix of annoyance and disgust that he continues to play the 'Father of the Year' role, despite the cruel and un-fatherly behavior he practices behind closed doors.  At least I knew he would not try to …

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Marissa Alexander out of jail after being sentenced to 20 years for a warning shot

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In August 2010, nine days she gave birth, Marissa Alexander fired a warning shot to keep her abusive estranged husband, Rico Gray, from attacking her. The bullet hit a wall. Nobody was hurt. Rico Gray admitted that he threatened to kill Marissa Alexander. But she was prosecuted for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, convicted, and sentenced to 20 years in prison. Alexander was awarded a new trial because of a procedural error. In the retrial, the prosecutor a woman wanted to go for a sentence of 60 years. So Alexander took the plea deal of two years of house arrest, wearing a GPS ankle bracelet. She got out of jail last week. The outrageous case sparked widespread protests, …

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The Cost of a Sociopath

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I've been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is: All my life, I've been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques. “For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.” Something like that. But I don't think anyone knows how many years you lose to a psychopath. Not even counting the years you spend going crazy before you finally figure out wha …

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