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Living in Secret with the Sociopath
Are Things Really What We Think They Are? Things aren't always what they seem, that's for sure. And sometimes things aren't always what they seem when they are right in your face. People can't really be persuaded, even if something is right in their face. For whatever their reasons are, people have to come to their own conclusions about things. And most of the time it's difficult for family and friends to watch someone they love continue in a path that is harmful to them. Living In Secret Those of us who fall into the victim category, well, we live in secret. We live in secret about what is really going on for a lot of reasons. We are in denial of our own circumstances even though we know …
Is It Really My Fault? A Victim Fights Back Against Victim-Blame
Chapter Six I Wouldn't Let That Happen It's your fault for letting yourself get hurt. Just reading that sentence probably makes you agitated. But people say that about each other all the time. We blame victims for letting themselves get hurt. Now maybe you want to say, “NO I DON'T.” It's offensive, right? We all want to be the kind of person who shows up with band-aids and soup and enough time to really listen and care about what happened. That's because we're decent people, and we do care. But think for a moment about how we respond differently to the kind of hurt that takes a band-aid and that we can see maybe happening to us and the kind of hurt that we never, ever want to touch our liv …
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Warning: Sociopath Ahead!
A friend of mine feared her daughter was involved with a sociopath who was pressuring her to have children with him. Knowing I'd had my life derailed by my own husband (now ex-husband), who I now believe is a sociopath, my friend asked me to tell her daughter some of my story. As one never knows if a seed of information will later blossom into insight, I wrote her daughter a letter. The entry below is based on that letter. Wonderful Qualities Become Profound Vulnerabilities I believe my ex-husband and the father of my children has a personality disorder—narcissistic personality disorder—some refer to such individuals as sociopaths or psychopaths. Such people are more common that most of us e …
With sociopaths, words and actions can both be lies
Lovefraud received the following observation from a reader who posts as "new_day": I just had an A-ha moment while scrolling through Facebook. I read a post that said, "Words may lie but actions always tell the truth." The problem with understanding how sociopathic behavior is so damaging to others, is that we have to realize even Actions can Lie!! Those who are hollow of any truth or love are masters of acting! They can entertain us into thinking they are the good and loving soul mate that we were blessed to meet. In reality, it was all love fraud. Somehow, I am expected to move forward with the inability to trust another person's actions again. This is a very astute observation. Anyone …
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Woman fakes cancer to raise money – is she a do-gooder, or a sociopath?
Editor's note: The following story and comment were sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Jeri-Lynn." A well-known woman from West Seattle, Tracy Dart, claimed she battled cancer three times while raising money for the disease. Allegations are that she never had cancer at all. Local woman may have faked cancer diagnosis, on King5.com. This a story from my community, which is reeling from the news. Are daily lies which do "good" things like raise $ for cancer research somehow "better" than lies perpetuated by sociopaths to actively hurt their targets? I suspect her family and friends are hurting equally - just all at once instead of slowly over time. I've been reading some of the …
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Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?
Chapter 5 Who is a potential victim? Everyone is a potential victim of a psychopath. There are two basic reasons why, and my goal in this chapter is to make them clear for you. Why? Because too many people think they can't be fooled or that they're too strong to be a victim, and those beliefs put us in danger of being swept away and devastated by a psychopath. Here are my two points, up front. First, psychopaths handle deception differently, and it catches us off guard. Almost anyone can be fooled, even professionals. Second, the most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values. We are not brought up to anticipate …
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For Sociopaths, It’s All About Them–Even When You’re Sick
Before I met “Paul,” (the man I married, who I realized about twenty years too late must be a sociopath) I had a friend who may not have known about sociopaths, but she knew to call off her engagement to “Mr. Right” because of a cold and a sandwich. Make Your Own Damn Sandwich! Carol was smart, motivated, kind, outgoing, upbeat, and gorgeous. She was clearly a “catch,” and she had come very close to marrying handsome, rich, well-connected “Mr. Right.” One day, Carol was not feeling well and was lying on the couch amidst sniffles, cough drops, and tissues. Her fiancé chose that moment to ask her to make him a sandwich. “If someone's going to expect me to make him a sandwich when I'm the one w …
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People have told the district attorney that my ex is going to kill me and my kids
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clara." 22 years of marriage, 2 kid, 1 adopted son. Boys are now 20, daughter is 17. My ex has been arrested 6 times and now been charged with stalking and harassment. I now have lifetime no contact and he has 3 years no contact with my kids. Both of us have very good jobs, beautiful home, well known in our small town. He coached baseball and football so has been looked up to. I now realize I didn't even know the man I had been with for all these years. He had a completely separate life with separate friends. I realized this after looking thru my phone bill. I didn't know anyone on it and the ones I did …
People have told the district attorney that my ex is going to kill me and my kidsRead More
Is there any way to successfully deliver a warning message that the new conquest will actually hear?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "FreedomWithNoRing." Donna Andersen responds below. I am so thankful for your website. There is so much valuable information there to help with understanding how and why one could get locked in and stay with a sociopath. I was married to an abusive sociopath for 25 years (I met him when I was 12 years old) and finally found the courage to leave 4 years ago. Divorcing and trying to co-parent with a sociopath is a complete nightmare. My ex was with another woman for 2 years. Eventually they bought a house together. As soon as they moved in together, I knew the facade would crack and true colors would show …