How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / 2016 / Archives for March 2016

On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad

//  by //  47 Comments

A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?”   Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the …

On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word SaladRead More

It’s like the authorities are all assisting my sociopathic ex in the fraud

//  by //  23 Comments

Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mother.Love." Married him and had 2 children. After the second child we decided I could stay home as his construction business was doing well. During that time, we remodeled a home, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and survived twice and raised 2 children with learning disabilities. He wanted to build a new home and he became involved with a "spec" house. Unbeknownst to me he took out all the equity in the first house, lied to me about paying our taxes for 5 years, refused to set me up with a retirement account but he had one, didn't pay bills for 3 years, emptied all his accounts, was cheating on me while I was …

It’s like the authorities are all assisting my sociopathic ex in the fraudRead More

To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions

//  by //  42 Comments

Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her recent post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing these red flags are not always going to be there right away. The key is the …

To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptionsRead More

Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

//  by //  12 Comments

Chapter 8 Gut Instinct Isn't Enough Everyone talks about "gut instinct," but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut? I've never talked to anyone who doesn't believe that's the case. People seem to believe that we all have a "gut instinct" about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it than others. When we were dating, Wyatt and I used to walk along the railroad tracks next to his house for hours. They were abandoned tracks, but they still smelled of creosote and oil and tar. The gravel was pierced by only a few weeds with the strongest tap roots, …

Gut Instinct Isn’t EnoughRead More

How do you explain why you stayed with a sociopath?

//  by //  16 Comments

Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Seekeroflight." How do you explain why you stayed To someone who saw how badly she treated you How exhausted you were Stressed How do you admit that you saw the monster early on And yet you stayed Because the monster was willing to lie To save face To threaten, intimidate How do you explain that you chose to stay With a monster who shouted, as she kicked your friend out, Shouted to the cops and half the neighborhood That he was a "faggot and has AIDS" He doesn't...but it doesn't matter You aren't that kind of person How do you admit that you stayed With a monster who said At the dining room table That she had …

How do you explain why you stayed with a sociopath?Read More

Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A Sociopath

//  by //  9 Comments

Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate.  Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …

Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A SociopathRead More

In sex and other matters, when does “yes” mean “no”?

//  by //  3 Comments

Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of “Carnal Abuse by Deceit How a Predator's Lies Became Rape.” By Joyce M. Short Susy's Story A woman we'll call Susy met a man, Ruben, through the internet. His profile stated he was single and thirty-nine years old. He was an Army Colonel and newly back from his second tour of duty in Afghanistan. His experience had taught him how valuable family and loving relationships were, and he was determined to find the love of his life. After six months of dating, he asked for her hand in marriage. Ruben was great with her kids. She had a nine year old boy and twelve year old girl. Their birth father was on and off drugs and in and out of employment. …

In sex and other matters, when does “yes” mean “no”?Read More

After the trauma, emotional exhaustion

//  by //  26 Comments

Last week I wrote that my husband and Lovefraud co-founder, Terry Kelly, suffered a heart attack. I am very happy to report that Terry is doing really, really well, all things considered. After being unconscious for a week, he finally woke up. The next day, the doctors took him off of the breathing machine. He's now in a regular hospital room, rather than intensive care. He's eating, drinking fluids and sleeping when he's not coughing himself awake. Terry has started taking walks down the hospital corridor, assisted by a walker. His feet don't quite move the way they should, and he has some balance issues, although each day gets better. We hope he'll soon be moving to a rehabilitation …

After the trauma, emotional exhaustionRead More

Grand jury finds Catholic clergy in Pennsylvania, shielded by bishops, abused hundreds of children

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Last week a Pennsylvania grand jury released a 147-page report documenting hundreds of cases of sexual molestation perpetrated by priests and other religious leaders in the Diocese of Altoona-Johnstown. No prosecutions were recommended, because the cases were too old mostly from the 1940s through the 1980s, the perpetrators had died, or the victims were too traumatized to testify. The report accused two bishops James Hogan and Joseph Adamec of covering up the crimes. Investigators raided church offices and found boxes and filing cabinets filled with details of children being abused, according to Philly.com. According to the grand jury report, Bishop Joseph Adamec kept a payout chart for how …

Grand jury finds Catholic clergy in Pennsylvania, shielded by bishops, abused hundreds of childrenRead More

Sociopath preys on widows and women whose husbands are dying

//  by //  3 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Olive." The names in this story have been changed. I met Burt in July of 2013. My husband had passed away six months earlier. I was looking for company to go out to dinner, a movie, etc. He is a retired elementary schoolteacher who seemed very nice and caring. He works part time now as a substitute teacher. He had a great smile and a kind face. I am an RN who has been on long term disability since my husband became ill back in 2011. I have a son with autism who lived with me and an adopted daughter. I hoped to return to work after he passed away but was rear ended by a truck in March 2013 sustaining a …

Sociopath preys on widows and women whose husbands are dyingRead More