Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …
Alleged Long Island pedophile and his official enablers
Cesar Gonzales-Mugaburu of Ridge, in Long Island, New York, apparently made a living by caring for foster kids. He took in six to eight kids at a time, and was paid as much as $18,000 a month. Gonzales-Mugaburu was arrested on March 18 and charged with molesting seven of the foster kids, and the family dog. This is bad enough, but the story gets worse. Debbie Edwards, a school social worker filed complaints against Gonzales-Mugaburu starting back in 1998, but school administrators told her to back off. The SCO Family of Services, the agency handling the placements, told Edwards that they would stop sending children to Gonzales-Mugaburu, but they continued to do it. Then it turns out th …
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Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery
Book Review: The Body Keeps the Score Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Review by Donna Andersen Many, many Lovefraud readers say that after your experience with a sociopath, you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if you haven't been diagnosed by a professional, you're probably right. But what, exactly, does that mean? And what can you do about it? All the answers are in this book. The Body Keeps the Score Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, is the best explanation I've ever seen on the causes, effects and treatment of trauma. I strongly recommend that every mental health professional who reads Lovefraud also read this …
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March 30: Free online introduction to Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine
Recently I received an email about a free online program being presented by Donna Eden, the pioneer of energy medicine, on Wednesday, March 30, 2016. Energy medicine is a combination of Eastern healing disciplines and Western science. The basic premise is that life energy flows through our bodies called qi in Chinese medicine and prana in Sanskrit. All illness reflects a block or disturbance in the life force. Opening the block and restoring the proper energy flow can lead to healing. Simple daily practices can keep your life force flowing the way it should, to build your vitality and prevent illness. Although it is not well known in our society, energy medicine is one of five alternative …
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If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experience
Hello. My name is Courtney Humeny and I am a PhD candidate in Cognitive Science at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I am carrying out an online study on survivors of romantic relationships with psychopathic partners. If you are interested in learning more please see the details below: Who we are recruiting The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship. We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship. Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., …
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Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior
Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …
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After a superficial two-year courtship, calling it quits
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Annalise." Experts say date 2 years before you can fully know someone, so here's my story: Despite pouring over these websites and reading blog after blog to educate myself and heal myself, I've let another unsuspected sociopath into my life, or maybe I've know all along. So the first sociopath was an 8 month roller coaster with red flags everywhere, despite his coming off a 20 year marriage with a 15 year management job. He was on the higher end of the scale. And despite the stability with his first marriage and job: he truly was the Devil's child and it haunts me to this day. This other guy that I dated …
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How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everything
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever thought I could have. He is in jail and took a plea …
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He was either the most incredible person I ever met, or a deplorable monster
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Adelaide." Names are changed. I met Joe at a bar. It was the first time I ever went out alone. I was forcing myself to do new things on my own. Trying to prove to myself I did not need a man beside me to do the things I wanted to do. After I ordered my drink I started to feel uncomfortable. I noticed a jukebox and thought it would give me some comfort to hear some music I enjoy. So, I went to put in my selections. When I turned back around I noticed someone sitting in my chair. All my belongings had been pushed to the side. But my drink remained right where I left it. I immediately got angry ... wrinkled my …
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Undercover British cops deceived women they spied on into relationships
Here's a whole new twist on relationship fraud police chiefs in the U.K. have admitted that undercover cops engaged in "abusive and manipulative" relationships with women involved in political organizations that they were assigned to spy on. One of the victims, Helen Steel, told her story in detail. The behavior of the man she was involved with, John Dines, was right out of the sociopath playbook. Seven women reached an out-of-court settlement with police. An eighth woman did not agree to the settlement. Five undercover officers engaged in the fake relationships. A Lovefraud reader brought this story to our attention. She comments: How far should the police be allowed to go? Four undercover …
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