How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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With a sociopath, the “good times” are bait to keep you in a losing game

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44A: A Second Honeymoon As the next school year unfolded, it was as if Paul and I were on a second honeymoon. He started seeing a therapist weekly, and his dedication to change was apparent immediately. When an old college friend contacted me to let me know she would be in the area and wanted to know if I wanted to get away for a girl’s weekend together, Paul assured me he would loo …

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To parents who have children with a sociopathic partner: There is hope

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Editor's note: This story was contributed by the Lovefraud reader who posts under the name "Getting There." I am guessing my story has many similarities to other victims of a sociopath. I fell in love with a façade. Charming, witty, so attentive, madly in love, a whirlwind intense romance followed by a long slow cruel erosion of my personality. By the time I plucked up the courage to finish the relationship some 13 years later, we had 2 children, a daughter and a son. I was convinced that everything was my fault, I was mad and a terrible human being. For months and months, I chanted a mantra, ' This is not all my fault. There were 2 people in our relationship. Life will get better!' This hel …

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No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sex

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Two Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped. Read the letters here: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all …

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Getting over the relationship that didn’t exist

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Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don't know really with whom I was involved? I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now. How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time acting out the "I love you's", the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act? Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived i …

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When your instincts scream, “RUN!,” please listen

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 43B: No Way Out I realize now that this was all an act. If Paul sensed I was going to leave him (and our marriage was going to dissolve on my terms, not his), he needed to do something drastic—appear to care, to accept some responsibility for our relationship, and to be committed to change. He needed to tap my empathy. Paul’s request felt surreal, partly because it was so out of …

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How do I recover from a manipulative friendship?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Lois." I have no one to turn to, as I have never spoken to anyone regarding my friendship with the narcissist apart from the narc, which suited him perfectly. This friendship was in person but I live in a different city so it was mostly on the phone and a few face to face meetings during the year. However, I was also dropped and put in the box as needed, and picked up as soon as he would leave his families' or friends' home and work. And I had to be there when he was ready to make contact. However, the same did not apply to him. Many times when I needed to lean on him he was not contactable. I have gone …

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With a sociopath, the promise “I’ll change” is just another con

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 43A: No Way Out At the end of the summer, before Jessica’s first year of high school and Daniel’s first year of middle school, I took them with me to spend four days in Vermont with my parents. I needed the weekend away from Paul to try to know my own mind. I did not tell Paul this, only that I wanted to take the kids to see my parents. When I had done this in the past, there was a …

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Wall Street Journal explains that anyone can be conned

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Sophisticated readers of the Wall Street Journal beware: You can be conned, just like the rest of us. The following article, by Susan Pinker, appeared in last weekend's edition: You can't be fooled by a con? Don't count on it, on WSJ.com. The Journal doesn't provide articles for free, so I'll provide a summary of key points: 35 million Americans fall for scams each year, according to the Federal Trade Commission. One reason we fall for scams is because we are biologically programmed to trust and cooperate. Research shows that we can detect a lie only about 50 percent of the time. The unconscious mind may be better at detecting lies than rational focus. So if you've been conned …

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Before I felt angry, now I feel sad – I need advice

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Editor's notes: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Kaki Pants." I just came out of a relationship, a year long relationship, which I think the guy might be a psychopath after telling the whole story to my male friends, female friends never would have thought he could be a psycho btw. Men and women think very differently. So I met this guy a year ago, last April through an online dating app. We met for several times, dinners, lunches, coffees, I took it slow, cuz I didn't want to get myself attached too soon before knowing who this guy really is. Obviously, I didn't take it slow enough in the end. We got together; everything seems well. He runs a startup …

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Why her happy marriage did not exist

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader: I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two when he openly cheated and decided to leave me, then played games of false reconciliation, which in hindsight were so he could have two sex partners. The short end of my question is ”¦ How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage, the illusion of a man you married with the horrible monster he has become in trying to create turmoil in your life and use your greatest love (your child) to hurt you? Range of behavior One reason why it's so difficult to spot sociopaths is because they are not all the same. So …

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