How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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13 very early warning signs that your new partner may be a controller

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UPDATED FOR 2023. The best way to escape a controlling or abusive relationship is to get out before you are emotionally hooked. But how can you tell when a new romantic interest may turn into a problem partner? Here are 13 very early warning signs that may precede later abusive behavior. You are spending all your free time with your partner — perhaps even seeing him or her every day. If you spend any time with someone else, your partner seems hurt, annoyed or even angry. You may get calls and texts 24/7 — even if you are also spending a lot of time with this person. If you don't respond immediately and your partner demands to know why — well, consider this a serious warni …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The long grift

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Editor's note: The following story was received from a reader whom we'll call “Violet” about her experience with a long grift, not of money, but of intimacy. I knew L when we worked together at a call centre as customer service representatives. He seemed nice, and he had lovely, expressive brown eyes and a gentle nature. I was losing weight at the time, and he asked for my help, so of course I gave him advice and tips. He began to lose weight, and he invited me over to his and his girlfriend, M's, apartment for dinner and to show him some 'exercise moves' (now I think it was mostly an excuse to ogle me). He looked at me very intently, it wasn't menacing, but I definitely felt like he wan …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lost and really need help

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as BentNotBroken. She is having difficulty breaking off an involvement with a sociopath and really needs help. My head is so full that I don't really know where to start. I dated a man (off and on) for 2-1/2 years, and recently found out that he was having several long-term relationships at the same time. I had never been in an abusive relationship, so I didn't know what the gut-wrenching feeling meant. I didn't know to trust it. My mind is playing tricks on me at this point. Is he or isn't he? The signs are so obvious, but then I think of his face, his touch, his words, and I melt. How can this man — t …

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5 reasons why you can hook up with multiple sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following inquiry from a reader whom we'll call "Leslie-Marie," who believes that she was involved with multiple sociopaths. She writes: Is it not uncommon for people to have several relationships with sociopaths and/or narcissists throughout their life? I am wondering if you would do a write up on this topic as I find it so difficult to explain to others. They look at me in such disbelief, as if I'm making it up. It would be nice to have something to back me up. I can count 7 at least that I am certain of and have been closely involved with... Would you also consider explaining how this cycle can continue on what is it about us that …

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10 Reasons why sociopaths really are losers

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UPDATED FOR 2023. If you're struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers. They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here's 10 reasons why:  1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you do The root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or  psychopaths are not capable of love at all. 2 …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This was all about him and all about what he needed

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who we'll call “Kay.” She discovered that her magic relationship was all about him. Kay and the Loser in Aluminum Foil He was prince charming, at least to me he was. We liked the same music, the same food, we spoke about the same topics, liked frequenting the same places, everything was so right. My friends, however, had a complete aversion to his instant overbearing interest in all things Kay. He completely immersed himself in my life and was constantly "making sure" I was okay. He made sure he monopolized all my time. He would call me approximately 20-25 times a day. During working hours he made sure he& …

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When the parents of your sociopathic ex want to see their grandchildren

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received an email from a reader who has a daughter with a sociopath and wants to know what she should do about the sociopath's parents, her daughter's paternal grandparents. She wrote: My issue with my daughter's paternal grandparents is that I don't trust them with my daughter. It's not because they are bad people, but because my sociopathic ex has victimized his parents over and over and over again and has no respect for what they say. His mother is his biggest enabler and both of his parents want him to be involved with our daughter (he has abandoned her) in the worst way. They pressure him about it nonstop. I fear that if I allow my daughter to be without …

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