UPDATED FOR 2023. I was standing in line, horrified at how a man in front of me was treating his two little girls. The girls looked to be about two and four years old. One of them was in a stroller. He yelled at the older girl — I don't know why. When she started crying, he yelled at her again, threatening to hit her if she didn't stop crying. No matter what the kids did — dropped a blanket on the floor, touched the stanchion rope — the guy yelled. If this father was treating his kids this way in public — what in the world was he doing at home? Make no mistake — the guy was engaging in child abuse, and the kids will likely suffer from it for the rest of their lives. I'm not exa …
Is there any way to successfully deliver a warning message that the new conquest will actually hear?
UPDATED FOR 2023. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "FreedomWithNoRing," who asks about delivering a warning message to the sociopath's newest target. Donna Andersen responds below. I am so thankful for your website. There is so much valuable information there to help with understanding how and why one could get locked in and stay with a sociopath. I was married to an abusive sociopath for 25 years (I met him when I was 12 years old) and finally found the courage to leave 4 years ago. Divorcing and trying to co-parent with a sociopath is a complete nightmare. My ex was with another woman for 2 years. Eventually they bought a house …
With sociopaths, words and actions can both be lies
UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following observation from a reader who posts as "new_day." She notes that with a sociopath, words and actions can both be lies. I just had an A-ha moment while scrolling through Facebook. I read a post that said, "Words may lie but actions always tell the truth." The problem with understanding how sociopathic behavior is so damaging to others, is that we have to realize even Actions can Lie!! Those who are hollow of any truth or love are masters of acting! They can entertain us into thinking they are the good and loving soul mate that we were blessed to meet. In reality, it was all love fraud. Somehow, I am expected to move forward with the …
With sociopaths, words and actions can both be liesRead More
What happens to your brain with PTSD, and a promising technique to fix it
UPDATED FOR 2023. Many, many people involved with sociopaths end up with post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of PTSD include: Flashbacks Bad dreams Frightening thoughts Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the traumatic experience Feeling emotionally numb Feeling strong guilt, depression or worry Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past Having trouble remembering the dangerous event Being easily startled Feeling tense or "on edge" Having difficulty sleeping Having angry outbursts Negative thoughts about oneself or the world …
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Classic sociopathic control strategy: Accusing you of cheating
UPDATED FOR 2023. I was sitting at my kitchen table one day during my marriage to the sociopath, James Montgomery. We were arguing — I don't remember what about; we argued a lot. All of a sudden, Montgomery accused me of sleeping with another man. I was shocked. I had been friends with the man for about 15 years before I even met Montgomery. We were good friends. But that's all — friends. Still, Montgomery raged at me, "I know you had sex with him." I denied this, vociferously. Montgomery kept accusing — but eventually backed down. The accusation came out of thin air. I hadn't even seen my friend in months. So why did Montgomery do this? Sociopaths assume everyone cheats First o …
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The top 5 brazen lies your psychopathic partner tells you
UPDATED FOR 2023. When you become romantically involved with a psychopath, he or she will be lying to you from the very beginning or your involvement, although you won't realize it right away. Eventually, you may start catching inconsistencies, like he said he was here, and now he's saying he was there. Or she said she did this, and now she says she did that. You'll shrug your shoulders, assuming that you misunderstood. Or, you'll ask for clarification — which your partner will answer with more lies, although you won't realize that either. So you may recognize that your partner exaggerates, or likes to spin stories, or even offers contradictory explanations. But you probably won't s …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Psychopathic boss —pure malignant evil
Editor’s note: The following letter was sent by a reader to Lovefraud about his psychopathic boss. It is published with the permission of the author. I was foolish enough to work as a commission salesperson for a psychopath business owner. One difficult lesson I learned was that once a psychopathic boss has your pay — watch out! Especially for commission sales. Since they just might — just want — to keep your money for themselves. Or milk out the deal. Then show you who's boss. This particular psychopath hooked me by holding onto my pay. Claiming cash-flow problems. Then he said I had to keep working for him. Or else he would keep my back-pay for himself. Then finally... he paid me a …
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Why betrayal by a sociopath hurts so much
This post refers to spiritual concepts. Please see Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. UPDATED FOR 2023. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you may find it difficult to put into words the depth of the pain romantic betrayal causes. Discovering that your romantic partner, the person who claimed to be your soul mate, proclaimed unending love and promised a future of golden togetherness, was lying all along and totally deceived you, causes indescribable agony. Sandra Lee Dennis, Ph.D., has put your suffering into words. I read her book, Love and the Mystery of Betrayal — Recovering your trust and faith after trauma, deception and loss of love. It is the best description I' …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Sociopaths can fool anyone
Editor's note: Sociopaths can fool anyone — even former fraud investigators. Here's what a Lovefraud reader says about his experience. I am a banking attorney, now in the private sector, but formerly conducting criminal bank fraud investigations when I worked for the government. A friend of mine who is a psychiatrist says I am one of the few people he's ever met who can size up a person accurately within 10 seconds. However, I am here to tell you from an experience I've been going through the last week or so that no matter how intuitive or streetsmart a person is, sociopaths can fool anyone. They are a breed unto themselves. I am a gay man and was introduced to my sociopath back in F …
Why falling for a sociopath doesn’t mean you’re stupid
UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." She wonders, does falling for a sociopath mean you're stupid? Since I found your website I have been doing a lot of reading, learning, and understanding. I made my break from my spath about three years ago. I keep reading how a spath knows who and how to catch a person in their web. Seemingly being very intelligent as to getting exactly what they want from us. In my case, my spath doesn't seem to be all that intelligent. Does this mean that I was taken in by a man of low intellect, and what does that say about me? I'm having trouble understanding how a man who seems to have no common s …
Why falling for a sociopath doesn’t mean you’re stupidRead More