How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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6 reasons why sociopaths seem so romantic – but they’re all fake

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UPDATED FOR 2023. People who have been in a relationship with a sociopath frequently say that they were swept off their feet in a whirlwind romance. But what, exactly, does that mean? Here are six strategies that sociopaths employ to make you fall for them hard and fast — and why the romance is not at all what it seems to be. 1. Sociopaths want to be with you, or in contact with you, all the time They call for dates. They want to hang out. They book your calendar weeks in advance. They may go to great lengths to see you — driving long distances or booking a flight. You may feel overwhelmed with the attention, and believe that your new romantic interest is just so smitten with you …

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Hamas terrorists: Psychopaths or brainwashed

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I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. I feel a general sense of horror and fear after the Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel. The stories and images are heinous beyond words. Hamas terrorists have killed more than 1,200 Israelis — men, women and children — and kidnapped more than a hundred civilians and soldiers.  The level of brutality is truly shocking. Atrocities include: This isn’t “resistance.” It isn’t even war. It’s barbarism. Psychopathic killers What kind of person can chop off a baby’s head? The first answer is a psychopath. Robert Hare said that psychopaths kill with about the same level of stress that we might have when carving a Thanksgiving tur …

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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired. Well, there are reasons for this. First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice. Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheating So sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious …

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Join Lovefraud’s informal support group

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Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us! Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary. Format Here’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general que …

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Psychopaths as puppet masters

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UPDATED FOR 2023. You and I feel personal satisfaction through accomplishment, or warm human relationships, or being of service to others. Psychopaths feel personal satisfaction through pulling the so-called strings and making people jump. They do something that they know will upset you just to see you cry. They trap you into no-win situations to watch you squirm. They devalue and discard you, so they can watch you fall apart. Why do they do this? Social motivations The answer lies at the heart of the personality disorder. According to Dr. Liane Leedom, psychopaths have an out-of-control power motivation. Researchers have identified four social motivations. These are …

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To recover from the sociopath, be selfish

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Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish. It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern. Problems that are not yours to solve Typically, whe …

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If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?

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UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries. Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath. There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist. Donna Andersen responds Before I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork. We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears. This applies to disordered people as well. Even when …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary. I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year. While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August. One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns o …

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To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud published a Spath Tale in which a reader, "simpleme56," describes her terrible experience of multiple betrayals. Here's how she begins her story: I came from an abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, and worked hard for over thirty years to heal, to educate myself to be able to understand the dynamics of my abuser and move forward in my life. Believing she finally found an incredible man, she left the abusive marriage, but quickly learned, to her horror, that the new man was another abuser. Here's her story: Back and forth, from the abusive husband to the sociopathic boyfriend It seems so disheartening. Simpleme56 worked hard to understand what had ha …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Not one thing about him was real

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Editor's Note: In this post, another Lovefraud reader tells her story of being deceived by a sociopath. He was an attractive, well built-man for his 47 years. When we met three years ago, I thought he was extremely handsome and charming. He was fun to be around, and seemed to crave the same physical and emotional contact as I did. He said he was not married and that he had just ended a relationship with a woman he had been dating because she was pressuring him to meet his daughters and he was not ready for that kind of intimacy. Over a short period of time, about four weeks, he talked about his abusive mother, his time in the Navy as a SEAL and a reservist. He suffered from the same kind …

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