How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships

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Here at Lovefraud, we've heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are: 1. Calculated exploitation The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet …

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The tangents and the point

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is a long, expansive story, and there's a reason for its complexity. The reason is in the book's subtitle. Love Fraud tells the story of my marriage to a sociopathic con artist. It's a juicy, outrageous tale, full jaw-dropping lies and manipulation. The book focuses a harsh light on the despicable behavior of my ex-husband, James Montgomery. My goal is to give people an up close and personal look at what it's really like to be targeted by a sociopath. But that isn't my only goal. I believe the …

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Locking up bad fathers is good for kids

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A new study by Economist David Neumark at the University of California - Irvine found that married, two-person households are not always best for children. The study found that the increased incarceration of minority men contributed to fewer minority high school dropouts. Read Kids are all right with just mom, on the University of California - Irvine website. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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When to trust your man (or woman)

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The question was, “When can you trust your man?” A reporter who was writing an article on the topic for a major women's magazine asked the question. It showed up in my e-mail because I subscribe to a service that distributes questions from reporters to experts all around the world who may be able to answer them. I knew what the reporter was looking for. She wanted succinct little tips like: “You can trust your man if he always shows up when he says he will, or at least calls to tell you he'll be late.” “You can trust your man if he introduces you to his mother.” “You can trust your man if he shows you his income tax return.” But, after being married to a sociopath, and hearin …

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Sociopaths and credit cards

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Sociopaths love credit cards—especially when they are in someone else's name. Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a woman whose daughter is married to a sociopath. “How do they do it?” she asked. “How do they get you to put credit cards in your name that they will use?” Our daughter has now procured a card, ugh, (only found out since the billing came here) and I know this is for HIS use and he will be the one using it, burying her in debt that she will never get out of and do you think for a minute HE will pay this debt?? Ha!  He does NOT have credit cards (I often wonder why)? Refuses to get one, why? But it's okay to use hers?? I can relate to this experience, because it happened t …

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How the pain of abuse lasts a lifetime

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A few days ago, Bill Zeller, a 27-year-old graduate student at Princeton University, died. The cause: suicide. The reason: He was tormented due to being repeatedly raped as a child. Zeller left a 4,000-word suicide note that eloquently explained the effect that the devastation had on his life. There is a link to it in this article: Princeton student kills self over rape as child, on CBSNews.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: If you have read my book, please post a review

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A sociopath ripped through my life, taking my money, cheating on me, shaking my soul to its core. It was a terrible, painful, humiliating experience. But it has also given me a new mission in life—spreading the word about these human predators, helping others to heal, or better yet, avoid them. That's why I launched Lovefraud.com. And that's why I wrote my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. My husband, Terry Kelly, believes in this mission. Together, we formed a publishing company, called Anderly Publishing, to get the message out. Love Fraud is our first book, and based on what I hear from all of you, I have a list of about 20 more titles that n …

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Getting over that amazing ‘chemistry’

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Sooner or later, those of us who are romantically involved, or have been romantically involved, with sociopaths and other exploiters recognize that the relationship is bad for us and must end. Although we know this intellectually, often we still feel incredible attraction, even love, for the individual. How do we break the emotional attachment? For example, Lovefraud recently received the following letter: I am single, and I think I was with someone very narcissistic, if not outright sociopathic. The thing is, even though I am no longer with him (and he did not get to my finances), he broke my heart. My question is, how do you get over him? I have tried to date others, but no man has …

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Sex in the Love Fraud book

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Yes, I will admit, my book, Love Fraud, does include some sex scenes. A few readers have expressed surprise that I am willing to share that aspect of my story. But the book is about my search for love and marriage, and sex is a natural part of love and marriage. The scenes are handled tastefully. They're not as racy as erotica—heck, they're not even as racy as romance novels, with those silly little euphemisms, always preceded by three long, hot, trembling adjectives. But sex did happen, and I did include it, for two important reasons. Unhealthy sex The first reason is to illustrate unhealthy sex—the kind of sex engaged in by sociopaths. I was clueless about sociopaths when I first met my …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect Redux

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It's amazing how people can have differing opinions of the same book. Last May, the Lovefraud Reader Ox Drover wrote a review of The Gaslight Effect, by Dr. Robin Stern. I am always on the lookout for books that will help readers understand, and recover from, a traumatic entanglement with a sociopath. Because Oxy was so complimentary about The Gaslight Effect, I was anxious to read it, and possibly recommend it to others. Well, I read the book, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. Oxy did point out that Dr. Stern never mentions the word, “sociopath,” referring to the perpetrator as the “gaslighter,” and the victim as the “gaslightee.” Although Oxy was willing to look past this omission, …

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