How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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A cautionary tale: Rock star psychologist gets it wrong

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“When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.” Abraham Maslow I have a book in my library by J. Reid Meloy, Ph.D., called The Psychopathic Mind—Origins, Dynamics, and Treatment. I struggled through about half of it, and finally gave up. Meloy is a forensic psychologist, and the book appears to be for professionals in the field—he's written 10 books and authored or co-authored 180 peer-reviewed papers. Meloy's specialties include stalking, violence, threat assessment, mass murder, serial killing and sexual homicide. When mass murders go on a rampage, the media often turn to Meloy for commentary. After the Fort Hood shootings in 2009, for example, ABC …

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Life support

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By Ox Drover A thought struck me the other day as I was musing ”¦ many people today have at least thought about how they want things to proceed when they come toward the end of their lives. Do they want to be “kept on life support” with feeding tubes and ventilators and lying unconscious in an intensive care nursing unit? Is that kind of “life” really anything but prolonging drying? Or, is it possible that if you stayed there with mechanical life support, that you might actually wake up and heal, and go on and enjoy more time in a healthy life? Many of us have made decisions which we have placed into “Living Wills” and have appointed someone to be our decision maker if we can't make our …

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Donna Andersen’s video for Love Fraud book

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“Most of us want to believe that there's good in everyone. Unfortunately, it isn't true. There are people in the world who are rotten to the core, and they're called sociopaths.” That's how I begin my video interview about my new book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. I answer questions about what happened to me, and why I wrote the book. The six-minute video is posted on my blog for the book, and I invite you to watch it. Pre-order special ends July 31 Right now, we're offering a pre-order special for the book. If you place your order now, we'll send you an autographed and numbered first edition, shipped free to U.S. destinations, and 40 percent of …

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Professor talks about psychopathy

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In a television show produced by the University of Wisconsin, Professor Joseph Newman talks about psychopaths. He says that a basic problem with psychopaths is attention deficit—they may see cues or threats that they should stop a certain behavior, but they don't pay attention to them. Watch Office Hours: Psychopathy, on youtube.com. Read a scientific paper about Newman's research, Attention moderates the fearlessness of psychopathic offenders. Links provided by a Lovefraud reader. …

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When good parenting isn’t enough

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There was a time when mental health professionals were trained to see children as intrinsically good until influenced otherwise. If kids came out bad, the parents were to blame. That attitude is changing, writes Dr. Richard A. Friedman, a professor of psychiatry in Manhattan. In reality, parents have limited power to influence their children. Read Accepting that good parents may plant bad seeds, on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Stolen Valor Act ruled unconstitutional

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All those impostors who lied about being in the military when they weren't, lied about earning medals of valor when they didn't, have just gotten a get-out-of-jail-free card. A federal judge in Denver has ruled that the Stolen Valor Act, which made it illegal to falsely claim any military decoration or medal, is "facially unconstitutional." The law violates the First Amendment right of free speech. Great. Now military impostors like my ex-husband, who told me that he won Australia's equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, so that I would believe he was a responsible and trustworthy man, are free to lie all they want. Lying about military service is protected speech. This is …

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Why you still want your sociopathic partner

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Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they're in love with them, and can't get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions. Now, there's proof. A recent study found that "the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings," according to Science Daily. Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Dear Abby and the narcissist

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Last week I happened to read a Dear Abby column in the newspaper. A woman wrote to Abby that she had been married to a man for 15 years who was controlling and manipulative, along with being emotionally, economically and sexually abusive. The letter-writer termed her husband narcissistic and passive-aggressive, but in my view he may be a sociopath. The woman is filing for divorce. Her dilemma is that her husband projects a “good guy” image, and she fears that if she accuses him of abuse, no one will believe her. Abby's advice was to tell a few close girlfriends what really happened. “The truth will spread like wildfire,” Abby wrote. I wonder if Abby gave good advice for this situati …

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Quarterback Michael Vick possibly in trouble again

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Almost a year ago, Lovefraud wrote about Michael Vick, the NFL quarterback who was convicted of running a dog fighting ring, released from jail and hired by the Philadelphia Eagles. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) objected to Vick's reinstatement in the NFL. They wrote to Roger Goodell, league commissioner, stating that the quarterback fit the profile for antisocial personality disorder. Last year's Lovefraud article asked the question, Can Michael Vick change his behavior? The answer, unsurprisingly, may be no. Unlike most sociopaths, Michael Vick is subject to a very public probation. Everyone knows he did time. Everyone knows that for him to keep his job, …

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Coming soon: Love Fraud, the book!

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On and off for the past four years, I've been mentioning my upcoming book about my experience with a sociopath, James Montgomery, and my recovery from the ordeal. Well, the book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is at the printer, and will be available in about a month. In writing the book, I had five goals: Drawing attention to the problem of sociopaths. Showing how sociopaths weave their web of lies to trap people. Exposing the impotence of social institutions in dealing with these predators. Explaining why, from a spiritual perspective, we fall into these relationships. Offering hope that we can, even after these devastating encounters, r …

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