How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Love Fraud book excerpt: Meeting my future husband (the sociopath)

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Next month brings Valentine’s Day, when the whole world focuses on love. But for many of us who have had our hearts broken by sociopaths, Valentine’s Day may bring more pain than pleasure. I want you to know that there can be love after the sociopath, and I am living proof. My story, which I wrote in my first book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is ultimately a story of triumph — heartbreak, then recovery, then the wonderful happy ending. I previously published excerpts describing the betrayal by my ex-husband. The first installment is below — follow the links to read all of them. Next, I'll publish excerpts of my healing journey. In a Valentine’s Day …

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Letting go of the mistake with the sociopath

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When I finally realized that the person who promised to love me forever, James Montgomery, was a lying, manipulative cheater, I was angry with him — and just as angry with myself. Why did I believe his lies and empty promises? I knew he was taking my money; why did I stay? I beat myself up. I couldn’t let go of my mistake with the sociopath. The realization that I’d made a massive error in marrying this man was, of course, just one aspect of my emotional turmoil. I was betrayed — Montgomery cheated on me with multiple women. In fact, he had a child with another woman during our marriage. He also convinced me to finance his business plans, which were really just get-rich-quick schemes, until a …

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Who is Bryan Kohberger, accused in Idaho murders?

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Wow — a suspect has been arrested in the gruesome murders of four Idaho college students — and he has a master’s degree in criminal justice! Bryan Kohberger, 28, was pursuing a Ph.D. in criminology at Washington State University in Pullman, which is only a 15-minute drive from Moscow, Idaho, where the murders occurred. First of all, Kohberger claims he is innocent, and under U.S. law he is innocent until proven guilty. Secondly, I have no information about the case beyond what is reported in the media, which may or may not be accurate. And finally, I have not seen any references to any psychological evaluations. Still, reporters are scrambling to answer the question, “Who is Bryan Kohberg …

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19 New Year’s resolutions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse

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UPDATED FOR 2023. The New Year is always a good time for new beginnings. If your wish for 2023 is to heal from a destructive relationship with a sociopath and recover from the narcissistic abuse that you endured, here are 19 New Year's resolutions to help you. 1 . I will have No Contact with the sociopath — I will not call, text or send email, and I certainly won't meet him/her in person. 2. If the sociopath contacts me, I will not respond. 3. I will not try to get information about the sociopath from others. 4. I will not follow or stalk the sociopath on social media. 5. I will remember that anything the sociopath says could be a lie. 6. I will not try to prove myself to the sociopath …

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83-year-old serial killer proves that sociopaths don’t change

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Twice, Harvey Marcelin, 83, was convicted of murdering and dismembering girlfriends. Marcelin spent more than 50 years in prison for the gruesome crimes, and was paroled in 2019. After his release, he started identifying as a woman. Marcelin was placed at the George Daly House, a short-term housing alternative for seniors in New York City. Marcelin’s behavior frightened Monica Archer, a case worker there, and she repeatedly warned her superiors about the threats he made. Archer’s concerns were ignored, and Marcelin was moved into an individual apartment. A week later, Marcelin allegedly murdered and dismembered another woman, 68-year-old Susan Leyden. Leyden’s leg was found on a street in B …

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Sociopaths use our self-image against us

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UPDATED FOR 2022: The goal of exploiters and manipulators is to bring us under their control. Here's one of their key strategies: Sociopaths use our self-image against us. We all have a mental picture of ourselves. We may think of ourselves as smart, kind, creative, professional, competent or loving. We may also have negative views of ourselves, such as disorganized, overweight, temperamental, fearful or lazy. Generally, our overall self-image is a collection of what we consider to be our assets and liabilities. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this mental picture is learned. They write: Self-image is a product of learning. Early childhood influences, such as parents and caregivers, …

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Gaslighting — 5 key points you need to understand

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Awareness of phenomenon that all of us at Lovefraud and throughout the survivor community have been talking about for years has gone mainstream — gaslighting. In fact, the Merriam Webster Dictionary named “gaslighting” as the word of the year for 2022. Gaslight was the title of a play written in 1938, which was made into a movie in 1944 starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. The story is about a con man who marries a young heiress. As he searches for jewels that he believes are hidden in her home, he tries to make his wife believe she is going crazy. He hides things and then asks her what she did with them. He causes the gaslights to dim and brighten, and when his young wife notices, tel …

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Ex-cop killed his former girlfriend and then himself, prosecutor says

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A terrible story was on the front page of my newspaper this morning: Yesterday, a local ex-cop killed his former girlfriend and then himself. William W. Beattie, 47, once a police officer in Atlantic City, New Jersey, forced his way into the home of Erin A. Gatier, 47, in Deptford Township, New Jersey, shot her and then shot himself, according to the Press of Atlantic City. The story had only a couple of comments about Beattie’s disposition, but they are telling. Matt Greenberg, a former co-worker of the victim, had an unfriendly email exchange with Beattie, in which the ex-cop told him to stay away from Erin. He said, according to the news account, “She did admit to me that he was pro …

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Should I expose the sociopath for revenge?

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In a comment on my Lovefraud Live! Youtube show, a viewer asked if she should expose the sociopath for revenge. Here’s what she wrote: I've got so much dirt on this guy that I now know is a sociopath...took advantage of my emotions horribly. Should I use what I know about him to get some kind of revenge? This Lovefraud viewer brings up two issues. First, she asks about exposing the sociopath. Second, she asks about revenge. Let’s address them one at a time. Exposing the sociopath There is value in exposing the sociopath for society as a whole: warning others against his or her deceit and exploitation can prevent them from being victimized. One reason why sociopaths keep engaging i …

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12 rules for negotiating with a psychopath

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UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman who, unfortunately, must understand the rules for negotiating with a psychopath. Here's what she wrote: I have woken up to the fact that I am living among a nest of snakes. This includes my kids that I love. Can you recommend anything to read that helps with negotiating with a psychopath? They are so angry and so nasty. However, things "must" be worked out. Any suggestions on reading materials? The safest approach to take with a psychopath is not to negotiate at all, to get the person out of your life. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially when the psychopath is your spouse and you share …

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