Finally—the word “sociopath” is being applied to a high-profile case that doesn't involve a serial killer. Mary Jo Buttafuoco, wife of Joey Buttafuoco, shot in the head back in 1992 by Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita,” is telling her story. And the first words of the introduction are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.” Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know, has just been released. Why did it take Mary Jo 17 years to write the book? Because it was only in 2007 that she realized the truth about Joey Buttafuoco. Perhaps you remember the case. Mary Jo got shot. The police said her husband was having …
Please do not engage abusers
Yesterday, Lovefraud had an intruder. I saw this guy's first couple of posts, which struck me as odd, but not necessarily offensive. I decided to keep an eye on him. Before long, however, several longtime Lovefraud contributors began attacking this individual. I thought the attacks were unwarranted. We have had occasions in the past when people started accusing newcomers of being sociopaths. I think this is a very dangerous thing to do based on a few posts that may sound different from what we generally see here. Meaning is missing Experts have found that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication comes from nonverbal cues—tone of voice, gestures, posture. That means …
BOOK REVIEW: Trading Places, a true story of overcoming abuse
People who have not been entangled in abusive relationships often ask, “Why doesn't she just leave?” By reading Trading Places, by Natalie Hutchison and Mary Turner Thomson, you begin to understand. Natalie Hutchison was reproached as a child, ignored by her first husband, then physically abused by her second husband. Finally, she decided enough was enough. Natalie escaped the abuse, went back to work, started a business, and in 2006 won the Barclays Bank Trading Places award, given to individuals who overcome tremendous personal adversity to turn their lives around. Natalie had health problems as an adolescent, and she tells how her parents reacted to her medical issues.You see the see …
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Outrageous: Judge gives ex-Senator Vincent J. Fumo light sentence
Vincent J. Fumo, a former Pennsylvania senator found guilty by a jury of all 137 counts against him, could have been sentenced to 21 to 27 years. Yesterday, the federal judge in the case, Ronald L. Buckwalter, gave him four years and seven months. Fumo defrauded the Pennsylvania State Senate of more than $1 million. He defrauded the charity he founded, Citizens Alliance for Better Neighborhoods, of more than $1 million. He defrauded the Independent Seaport Museum of more than $100,000. He used Senate employees to clean his house and manage home improvements in his 33-room mansion. Then, when the authorities started sniffing around, he obstructed justice by destroying records and e-mail. I …
Outrageous: Judge gives ex-Senator Vincent J. Fumo light sentenceRead More
When the pain caused by a sociopath doesn’t stop
Almost three years ago, Lovefraud published the story of a man from the UK whom I called Tom. Tom's wife left him for another man, took their children, had him arrested on false charges nine times and wiped him out financially. Here is the original story: UK man says sociopath stole his life Now, three years later, Tom still hasn't seen his children. His ex-wife and her new husband, who also sounds like a sociopath, have removed the children from the UK. They live in France, at a small town near the Swiss border. “My heart bleeds every minute for the loss,” he writes. “It is a living bereavement and a nightmare from which I may never awake.” I asked Tom if he was taking care of himself. H …
BOOK REVIEW: The Betrayal Bond (redux)
In a post written more than two years ago, Dr. Liane Leedom recommended The Betrayal Bond—Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships to Lovefraud readers. In fact, quite a few of you have been discussing the book in your comments. I finally finished the book, and I strongly agree: The Betrayal Bond, by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is must reading for anyone who is having difficulty leaving, or recovering from, a relationship with a sociopath. A betrayal bond, Dr. Carnes explains, is a highly addictive attachment to people who have hurt you. He lists 14 signs that a betrayal bond may be present in your life. Some of them are issues that I've frequently seen expressed on Lovefraud: When e …
Feeling guilty about a sociopathic stepson
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader who we'll call Martha. I have a 33-year old adult stepson who I believe is sociopathic — he fits all the criteria. He has been a problem to the family ever since his mother threw him out to our house at the age of 13. By that time he was so oppositional there was no dealing with him in any reasonable way. We went through all the “standard” teenage issues with him — petty crime, running away, repeating years in school, counseling, adolescent psych facility, military school till we ran out of money, etc. What is different about our situation from everything I read is that my husband has stood by him for so many years, giving him …
New research says sharks hunt like serial killers
A paper recently published in the Journal of Zoology says that great white sharks hunt in a highly focused fashion, just like serial killers. According to a report on ScienceDaily.com, the researchers used geographic profiling—a criminal investigation tool used to find serial killers based on the locations of their crimes—to examine how the hunting patters of great white sharks off the coast of South Africa. Sharks establish well-defined hunting bases in strategic locations. The researchers noticed that smaller sharks searched further, and had less success, than larger sharks. They surmised that great white sharks refined their search patterns with experience, and concentrated their hun …
Two summer books about sociopaths
Two books about sociopaths could be on your reading list this summer. One of them, already out, is by the “Queen of the Best Sellers,” Danielle Steel. In her 108th book, Matters of the Heart, the main character, an accomplished female photographer named Hope Dunne, meets a man who seems to be too good to be true. He is. The guy is a sociopath. Read an excerpt of Matters of the Heart here. The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I've never read any of Danielle Steel's books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right. “Sociopaths are interesting because one of the things they do is something called mirr …
Co-parenting with a sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader who we'll call Carla: Can you help me with co-parenting with a sociopath? Divorced three months ago, after a two-year fight for my rights. He is not complying as you know. I am going crazy with the way he only shows his wonderful, smooth qualities to the children. I have three boys. I can't stand sending them on weekends to a man who never calls them for two weeks and then lavishes them with charm and gifts. It makes me sick that I am struggling because he has not released even one of 26 accounts to me as decreed in the divorce settlement. He pays my bills and deducts them from the alimony. He follows the agreement under his …