How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Love Fraud book excerpt: Because of my husband, I was about to lose everything

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Finally, my husband, James Montgomery, found a project that might actually become reality — a Titanic Exhibition. He and a partner had secured investors, we'd assembled a collection of artifacts, I was planning the show — and then it all fell apart. By Donna Andersen On Thanksgiving morning, as usual, James got up long before me and went down to his office in the basement, even though he just flew in from Las Vegas the day before. I was in the kitchen, getting ready to prepare my contribution to the day’s feast—a casserole of carrots and apples—when he came upstairs, wearing his bathrobe. “We should leave around one o’clock for my uncle’s house,” I said. “All right,” James replied …

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3 Tips for polite conversation about relationship abuse

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I recently attended a small party — about 15 people — at a friend's home. I got into a conversation with two women, neither of whom I knew before. They both revealed that, like me, they had endured relationship abuse. We started swapping stories. The first woman worked hard all her life, built a successful career, and then married the guy who, over about seven years, took advantage of her assets. She described his lies, mostly about money, as "gaslighting." The second woman had three children with a man who turned out to be a controller, moving her away from family and friends. She spent 20 years trying to shield the children from his destructive ways, then finally divorced him. I wa …

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Wednesday Webinar: Why it’s hard to get over a sociopath and how to recover

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I hear from many people who have escaped from involvements with sociopaths — either because they've finally found the courage to leave, or were unceremoniously dumped. They are often in a lot of emotional pain, and, knowing how badly they were treated, they can't understand why it is so hard to get over loving a sociopath. If you're in this situation, you know what I'm talking about. Why does this happen? When you're involved with a sociopath, the thrill at the beginning of the relationship is so intense, that the crash when the relationship ends is worse than anything you've ever experienced. And why does this happen? Because the sociopath hijacks the human bonding system. I e …

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FTC: Americans lose $143 million in romance scams last year

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 Editor's note: Here's a press release from the Federal Trade Commission, February 12, 2019: New FTC Data Spotlight details big jump in losses, complaints about romance scams Scammers who use love to target consumers not only take an emotional toll on their victims, but can also take a financial one as well. New complaint data released today by the Federal Trade Commission shows romance scams generated more reported losses than any other consumer fraud type reported to the agency in 2018. In the last three years, many more consumers have reported romance scams to the FTC’s Consumer Sentinel database, with much higher total reported losses from those scams, according to the Comm …

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Love Fraud book excerpt: What I did about my husband’s cheating

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I had been married to James Montgomery for about a year and a half, and he went on overnight and weekend "business trips" the entire time. I didn't want to think about what he was doing — until I had to. By Donna Andersen My husband was cheating on me. The letter from the Bank of Boston credit card department confirmed it. This was the credit card I had given to James. He spent the money; I paid the bills. On the March statement was a charge for the Berlin Motor Lodge. I knew exactly where this place was and what it looked like. It was a small highway motel on Route 73 in Berlin, New Jersey, 35 minutes from where we lived in Atlantic City. There was absolutely no reason for James to …

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Wednesday webinar: Escaping the Sociopath and Rebuilding Your Life

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You finally realize that there is something dramatically wrong with your partner. What you really want is to feel better. But how do you go about escaping the sociopath? That's what I address in the next webinar of the Lovefraud Understanding and Recovery 5-part Masterclass. The first three programs in the series explained how you got into the situation — the bottom line is that sociopaths are very, very good at what they do, and you were targeted. Now, in the webinar Escaping the Sociopath and Rebuilding Your Life, we'll be talking about how to move forward. And that's what you really want. There are two parts to your recovery — dealing with the practical issues of life, and emo …

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Video: After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?

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The sociopath is gone. Either you were dumped, or you finally threw him or her out. Now what? After they're gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return? You may feel like you're in shock, especially if your sociopathic partner abruptly discarded you, after days, months, or perhaps even years of saying that you were meant for each other. Or perhaps you finally got up the nerve to end the involvement. Your partner is gone, but your resolve is unsteady. What if he or she showed up again? Can you stand strong? I address these questions in the newest Lovefraud Lessons video: Do sociopaths return? I explain why sociopaths may return, and what you should do. To learn more about what to do …

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Love Fraud book excerpt: If my family knew what was really going on in my marriage

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By Donna Andersen We married secretly in Australia. Then six months after we met, had another wedding, complete with a reception and band, attended by family and friends. By this time I had already spent more than $53,000 on my husband's projects, much of it on my credit cards. My brother's birthday was in March, and on a Sunday afternoon his wife planned a small celebration in their home. James said he had to work, as usual, so I went alone. Toward the end of the party, my brother cornered me in the family room. “You know, Donna, Dad is concerned about James,” he began. “What’s he concerned about?” “He thinks James doesn’t have any money and you paid for the entire wedding.” …

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Issues you should consider before taking a sociopath to court

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Lovefraud received the following email: I was previously married to a sociopath, and we have a 4-year-old son together.  I have sole legal and physical custody of our son, but have been fighting to reduce the amount of visitation for quite some time.  I recently read that having a forensic psychological analysis done on the entire family would reveal that my ex is a sociopath and possibly prevent him from having ANY visitation going forward.  Is this true, in your experience?  Do you have any advice for me as I embark on this process? Many, many Lovefraud readers have realized — to their horror — that they've had a child or children with a sociopath (someone with antisocial, narcissistic, b …

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Wednesday webinar: What do psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists want?

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I'm prepping for my webinar on Wednesday — What did they want? Psychopaths, antisocial and other exploiters in romantic relationships — and I'm very excited about the material. If you're trying to understand why sociopaths, narcissists and the rest of these toxic manipulators do what they do, this webinar is where you can get clarity. I explain the clunky terminology of psychology researchers and mental health professionals (and why I refer to human predators collectively as "sociopaths"). I'll show you Lovefraud's research on when most people see the warning signs of exploitative behavior — if it took you awhile, you're certainly not alone. And I explain how sociopaths become disordered — …

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