How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I wanted him to be the guy of my dreams, but he’s nothing but a fraud

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call Loralei, who wrote about meeting the “guy of her dreams.” At the end of her e-mail, I'll comment on it.When I was young, I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother. She didn't give me any black eyes, but I did get slapped, my hair pulled, and it was clear that the world revolved around my mother. I lived in fear, and when I wasn't the target of her anger, I was ignored.Fast forward 40 years. I am a successful businesswoman, I live in a nice Chicago suburb, I have friends, I like to help people, and I was tired of not having a love life. For some goofy reason, I posted an ad on Craigslist; I met …

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10 translations of ‘I love you,’ when spoken by a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words "I love you" so quickly that it surprises us — how can they already feel that way? We just met!When we question them, they respond, "You're the one I've been waiting for all my life," or, "I just know that we're perfect for each other," or something equally endearing.We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.Sociopaths are incapable of love. Even though they sound sincere and convincing, they literally do not have the internal wiring that makes it possible for them to feel …

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13 very early warning signs that your new partner may be a controller

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UPDATED FOR 2023. The best way to escape a controlling or abusive relationship is to get out before you are emotionally hooked. But how can you tell when a new romantic interest may turn into a problem partner?Here are 13 very early warning signs that may precede later abusive behavior.You are spending all your free time with your partner — perhaps even seeing him or her every day. If you spend any time with someone else, your partner seems hurt, annoyed or even angry.You may get calls and texts 24/7 — even if you are also spending a lot of time with this person. If you don't respond immediately and your partner demands to know why — well, consider this a serious warning.Your new partner may …

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5 reasons why you can hook up with multiple sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following inquiry from a reader whom we'll call "Leslie-Marie," who believes that she was involved with multiple sociopaths. She writes:Is it not uncommon for people to have several relationships with sociopaths and/or narcissists throughout their life? I am wondering if you would do a write up on this topic as I find it so difficult to explain to others. They look at me in such disbelief, as if I'm making it up. It would be nice to have something to back me up. I can count 7 at least that I am certain of and have been closely involved with... Would you also consider explaining how this cycle can continue on what is it about us that attracts them or …

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10 Reasons why sociopaths really are losers

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UPDATED FOR 2023. If you're struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers.They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here's 10 reasons why: 1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you doThe root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or  psychopaths are not capable of love at all.2. Sociopaths can …

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When the parents of your sociopathic ex want to see their grandchildren

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received an email from a reader who has a daughter with a sociopath and wants to know what she should do about the sociopath's parents, her daughter's paternal grandparents. She wrote:My issue with my daughter's paternal grandparents is that I don't trust them with my daughter. It's not because they are bad people, but because my sociopathic ex has victimized his parents over and over and over again and has no respect for what they say. His mother is his biggest enabler and both of his parents want him to be involved with our daughter (he has abandoned her) in the worst way. They pressure him about it nonstop. I fear that if I allow my daughter to be without me in …

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10 reasons why psychopaths get away with it

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Why is it that psychopaths frequently get away with cheating, abuse, backstabbing, fraud, theft, and other nefarious activities — even murder? Here are 10 strategies that these exploiters may employ to escape accountability.They lie while looking you right in they eye, without a trace of nervousness or guilt. If they're caught in a lie, they easily lie to cover the lie. It's no wonder they are believed.They say they would NEVER do such a thing, and HOW can you possibly accuse THEM of such behavior? Everyone doubts you, and you even doubt yourself.If that's you, they ruin your credibility, often starting the smear campaign long before you even realize what they've done to y …

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6 reasons why sociopaths seem so romantic – but they’re all fake

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UPDATED FOR 2023. People who have been in a relationship with a sociopath frequently say that they were swept off their feet in a whirlwind romance. But what, exactly, does that mean?Here are six strategies that sociopaths employ to make you fall for them hard and fast — and why the romance is not at all what it seems to be.1. Sociopaths want to be with you, or in contact with you, all the timeThey call for dates. They want to hang out. They book your calendar weeks in advance. They may go to great lengths to see you — driving long distances or booking a flight. You may feel overwhelmed with the attention, and believe that your new romantic interest is just so smitten with you that he or she …

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Hamas terrorists: Psychopaths or brainwashed

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I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. I feel a general sense of horror and fear after the Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel. The stories and images are heinous beyond words. Hamas terrorists have killed more than 1,200 Israelis — men, women and children — and kidnapped more than a hundred civilians and soldiers. The level of brutality is truly shocking. Atrocities include:This isn’t “resistance.” It isn’t even war. It’s barbarism.Psychopathic killersWhat kind of person can chop off a baby’s head? The first answer is a psychopath. Robert Hare said that psychopaths kill with about the same level of stress that we might have when carving a Thanksgiving turkey. In his classic book,& …

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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired.Well, there are reasons for this.First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice.Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheatingSo sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious downsides:1. Soc …

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