How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Donna Andersen

Please share my talk about sociopaths — TED censored it

//  by //  6 Comments

Millions of sociopaths live among us. They do not have the ability to authentically love. They view people as objects to be used. This was the topic of my TEDx called, How to protect yourself from sociopaths. TED censored my speech. After waiting for two years for TED to include my video on its website, I decided enough was enough. I just re-recorded my speech and posted it on Youtube, Rumble and Lovefraud. I invite you to watch it. My speech in June 2022 TED, which is headquartered in New York and Vancouver, says its mission is to research and discover “ideas worth spreading.” TEDx speaking events are run by local organizations under licenses issued by TED.  I spoke at TEDx …

Please share my talk about sociopaths — TED censored itRead More

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

//  by //  1 Comment

UPDATED FOR 2024. I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit. Now, however, I've recovered, and my Christmases are happy and loving. You, too, can recover. I promise. Here are my stories of Christmas Past: Christmas 1996 We had known each other for five months. We'd already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, …

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memoriesRead More

3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilities

//  by //  11 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. "Is it really a vulnerability to respond to somebody (apparently) liking and desiring you? Is that not just a basic human need that we all want to have fulfilled?" The Lovefraud reader Dorabella asked these questions on a story that I posted previously, The sociopath as your soul mate. They are great questions. The answers are: Yes, it's a vulnerability to respond to someone desiring you, and yes, it's a basic human need. So although these are vulnerabilities, they are also normal human qualities. To be human is to have vulnerabilities. A vulnerability is a weak point, and whenever we want something, that creates a weak point. Most of us want a romantic relationships, so if …

3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilitiesRead More

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths

//  by //  14 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in …

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopathsRead More

A sociopath explains how she loves

//  by //  4 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you're here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you. You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly? A letter Lovefraud received from a self-identified sociopath explains how she loves. It might help you understand why that person's love was so shallow: I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with …

A sociopath explains how she lovesRead More

15 valuable lessons from ‘The Sociopath Next Door’

//  by //  2 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., is a classic for describing sociopathic behavior. I read the book when it was first published in early 2005, shortly before Lovefraud launched. Thirteen years later, I read read it again. I've learned a lot about sociopaths during those 13 years, so the second read was certainly a different experience. The first time I read the book, much of what Stout wrote was a revelation. Here are my observations from the second time around: Stout does a good job of describing sociopathic motivation, but her book fails to capture how dangerous and destructive these people are. The reason, I believe, is that this was never a book …

15 valuable lessons from ‘The Sociopath Next Door’Read More

When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopath

//  by //  7 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. You've felt like something was off about your romantic partner for a long time, but you could never quite figure out what it was. Then, suddenly and harshly, you learn the truth. You discover that this person is cheating on you. Or forged your signature to open up credit cards. Or has kids you never knew about. Or is only pretending to go to work every day. Or is married to someone else. However it happened, you learn that your partner is betraying you. Your first instinct is to confront your partner and demand answers. DON'T DO IT. When you learn what is really going on, the best thing you can do is nothing, at least temporarily. Do not lash out. Instead, no matter how …

When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopathRead More

5 tips for dealing with a sociopath

//  by //  1 Comment

Lovefraud's standard advice for interacting with a sociopath is not to interact at all, to implement a strict policy of No Contact. Unfortunately, this isn't always possible. Perhaps you share children with a sociopathic ex-partner. Or perhaps you have a disordered boss or co-worker, and aren't yet able to find new employment. Or perhaps some member of your family is disordered. If you have no choice but to interact with a problem person, here are some tips that may help you. Do not react emotionally. Sociopaths will often do or say unpleasant things just to provoke a reaction out of you. Do not take the bait. Remember, all sociopaths really want is to win. If they get an emotional …

5 tips for dealing with a sociopathRead More

10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath

//  by //  4 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don't know they exist. We don't know they live among us, so we don't watch out for them, so we get in trouble. Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we're talking about — because they don't know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed. If you're trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context: 1 . Approximately 40 million people in the United States — 12% of the …

10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopathRead More

Am I a sociopath magnet?

//  by //  30 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Kristinan32." Donna Andersen responds at the end of it. I've had a long history with NPDs and Sociopaths. Am I some sort of magnet? I am a caring individual, rescue animals, take care of people. Go figure. My daughter's father was one, the last guy I was with was one, up until he died. Two years later, I decided I've 'healed' somewhat after everything, and I see my old friend's brother on a social media site. I never really knew him, so I contacted him, out of the blue. So, we hit it off fast. This is unlike me, I don't take things fast. We talk, we get along, everything's fun and good. He tells …

Am I a sociopath magnet?Read More