How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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What if you decide to stay with your sociopathic spouse?

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You’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with your husband or wife — he or she is disordered. But life is complicated, and maybe you’re wondering if your best option, at least for the time being, is to stay with your sociopathic spouse.  Maybe you’ve been married for years. Maybe your relationship was always confusing, your partner wasn’t honest with you, or you felt like you were being used. In the meantime, you went on with life, intermingled your finances, had kids.  Now you’ve finally figured out what’s wrong — your partner is disordered. How should you deal with him or her? And how can you care for yourself? Sociopathic spouses are not created equal If you’re trying …

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9 questions from an 8th grade student about how sociopaths think

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I was recently interviewed by an 8th grade student who wanted to know how sociopaths think. She interviewed me on Zoom as part of a school project. I was very impressed with her questions. If we all educated ourselves about how sociopaths think like this student did, we would avoid a lot of pain. Here are nine of her questions — and the answers. 1. How did you first learn about sociopaths? I married a man who turned out to be a sociopath. This con man took $225,000 from me, cheated with at least six women during our 2.5-year relationship, had a child with one of the women, and then 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed b …

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7 negative symptoms of sociopaths: What they don’t do

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Checklists describing the symptoms of sociopaths highlight what they do — lie, blame others, love bomb their romantic targets, pursue sex. But you should also pay attention to negative symptoms — normal human behaviors that sociopaths don’t do. One behavior that’s a pretty good indicator that you’re dealing with a sociopath is love bombing — the person is showering you with attention and affection, wants to be with you all the time, tells you how wonderful you are.  Sociopaths often, although not always, do this when they’re trying to seduce a romantic partner. They can also use a modified version of the strategy in other types of relationships, such as flattering the boss at work. …

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7 reasons why sociopaths are hot in bed

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UPDATED FOR 2024. "Best sex ever!" that's how countless Lovefraud readers have described how sociopaths are hot in bed. People have told me that they know the sociopath is bad for them, and they need to end their involvement, but they don't want to give up the sex! Other people have told me that they're afraid they'll never find another partner who is so sexually exciting! I specifically asked about sex in three Lovefraud surveys. How do people who were in romantic relationships with people whom they now believe to be sociopaths rate the sex? In the Romantic Partner Survey (2011) 75% reported the sex was extraordinary or satisfying, at least in the beginning. In the Female …

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4 psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept your partner is a sociopath

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After much confusion, perhaps years of confusion, you finally realize why your relationship is so difficult. You’re dealing with a sociopath. This person has hurt, manipulated and exploited you — on purpose. So why won’t you believe it? Here are four psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept that your partner is a sociopath. He or she is abusive to you. It might be physical, sexual or financial abuse, but certainly emotional or psychological abuse. You know this. You’ve been disappointed time and time again. So why do you still cling on, hoping the person will change? Your inability to end the involvement isn’t necessarily a failure of willpower. I’m going to e …

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Typical sociopath manipulation strategies that I always hear about

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The sociopath may tell you that you’re mentally losing it. Or make you feel like everything is your fault. Or accuse you of cheating. Here’s what you need to know — none of it is about you. These are typical sociopath manipulation strategies that they use with everyone. I hear about them all the time. I talk to a lot of people about their experiences with sociopaths. Often, they tell me something outrageous, something unbelievable, something shocking that he or she has done, and I respond with, “Yeah, they all do that.” This causes two reactions in the person telling me the story. The first is shock — they can’t believe that so many people engage in the same behavior. And the second is …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Looking into the eyes of a con man

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “Eclipse.” She wrote about her experience with a sociopathic con man.  I met the P at the end of 2004. We both worked out at a local gym close to my home. I had been going through a divorce for about a year. I confided to him about my 19-year marriage, of abuse. We became friends for about six months. We then became involved and were falling for each other. He told me he was in a bad relationship, and that he was married, eight months into our relationship. He told me he was trapped and was trying to get a divorce. He told me how his wife was controlling and mentally abusive to him; he was denied any a …

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9 reasons why sociopaths blow your mind

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UPDATED FOR 2024. When you finally figure out that you're dealing with sociopaths, your state of mind is complete and utter shock. On the one hand, you are relieved to know that it's not you; something is definitely wrong with them. On the other hand, you still can't wrap your brain around their behavior. It's mind-boggling, and here's why: You probably caught some of the lies as you went along, but the sociopaths explained them away. Then you learned that the entire nature of the involvement, the entire reason they are in your life, is complete fabrication. It was never about romance, or shared goals, or family. It was about exploitation. Not only do the sociopaths exploit you …

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6 strategies to find the strength to choose yourself

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When you learn the truth about your relationship with a sociopath — that it was all fake, and the person never really cared about you — you’re devastated. You feel like you’ve been hit by a steamroller. It’s a searing emotional pain that goes to the core of your being. You may wonder, how can you possibly get over this? Maybe you try to power through, assuming that “Time heals all ills.” Actually, I’m not sure that’s true, at least when it comes to deep emotional pain. From what I can see, based on the thousands of stories I’ve collected, if we don’t deal with the pain, we end up with more of the same down the road.  And it’s certainly not true with addictions. Addiction is a key f …

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7 reasons why psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists will not change

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Once a psychopath, antisocial or narcissist is an adult, there is no therapy, and no medication, which will make him or her into a normal, loving person. This malignant person will not change. You may find this shocking. In these days of medical miracles, it's hard to believe that there is no treatment for someone who, on the surface, appears to be so normal. So why won't malignant people change? Here are seven reasons: For any therapy to work, you have to want to change. Malignants don't think there is anything wrong with them. Although you and other people are distressed by their behavior, they aren't. Therefore, they have absolutely no motivation to do the …

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