Todd Christopher Kohlhepp, 45, of Moore, South Carolina was denied bail yesterday after being charged with kidnapping and murder. Last week, news broke that a woman had been found alive in a metal storage container on a rural property in Woodruff, South Carolina. According to the Spartanburg sheriff, she'd been in the container for two months, chained by her neck "like a dog." Kala Brown, 30, along with her boyfriend, Charles Carver, 32, had been missing since late August. Brown and Carver went to the 95-acre property, owned by Kohlhepp, to do work for him, and when they arrived, Brown said, Kohlhepp shot Carver. His body was just found. Brown told authorities that four more people …
He asked me for money – then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for money
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." I started to talk to a male friend I was connected to on Facebook after I had a tough break up. He said he reached out to me because he had just gone through similar and thought he could help. After a few weeks we started to flirt with each other. I did at first, then he went full blown. Within a week of this talk, he admitted he loved me. I did think it was soon but I felt the same. Then he said he wanted to marry me, possibly have a child, grow old together. Said we were life partners. I went to visit him and spent a three-day weekend with him, and he had his two young sons for the days of …
He asked me for money – then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for moneyRead More
A Relationship With A Sociopath Makes You Question What’s “Normal”
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 30: Down The Rabbit Hole Paul had agreed to therapy under the condition that I would not tell anyone we were going. With the expectation of keeping my word, I promised. Normally, I honor my commitments, and secrets are safe with me. But I broke my promise to Paul after two months. I did it, because I felt like I was going crazy. I needed a reality check from an outside s …
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The ABC’s of choosing a non-toxic mate
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW Partner choice is important to all of us. Toxic relationship survivors often avoid opening themselves to new relationships because of their fear of choosing a partner who will bring more devastation and drama into their lives. Many of us learn to watch for the warning signs that a person is a psychopath, narcissist, or other toxic type, but we aren't certain about the positive characteristics that indicate someone is good partner material. In addition to screening out difficult people, we need to learn how to screen in good matches. To help with this, I've come up with an easy-to-remember screening tool. It summarizes insights from years of academic research and …
The narcissists in my life – the screamer and the deceiver
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Hilda." I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc. The screamer my female boss I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy. It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to …
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Some Sociopath Tools–Word Salad, Diversion, And Evasion
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 29: It Depends Upon What The Meaning Of The Word “Is” Is Paul manipulated the well-intentioned therapist into becoming complicit in Paul's self-serving altered version of reality—to view Paul as the perfect, calm, devoted, caring father and husband, while I was clearly on edge emotionally due to my declining mental health and jealousy over Paul and Anne-Marie's business partner …
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Groups – a key to healing from a sociopath
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT Most of you who have been involved with a sociopath have been to therapists either with your partner or individually. Therapy is critical to healing from the PTSD of these relationships from control, abuse, manipulation and deceit, and hopefully you have found a therapist who knows techniques for helping PTSD. There is also the rebuilding of self and the grief of loss that therapy can help with, not to mention the potential stressful impact of divorce on yourself and any children. It would be fortunate if your therapist understands the type of relationship you've been in and the person you were with. This is all necessary and important, but there's a critical …
New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big lies
An article in the New York Times reviews new research on how the brain reacts to lies. Essentially, when someone continues to lie, "the negative emotional signals initially associated with lying decrease as the brain becomes desensitized." Why big liars often start out as small ones, on NYTimes.com. The story did not say that the research had anything to do with personality disorders. But it certainly makes sense with sociopaths — the more they lie, the easier it becomes, and they tell more lies. And then there's this sociopaths like the sense of power and control that they experience when people believe their lies. So not only does the negative reinforcement fade, but the positive rein …
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Donald Trump’s abusive behavior triggers PTSD – and so does Hillary Clinton’s
Presidential nominee Donald Trump went to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on Saturday, the site of one of the bloodiest battles of America's Civil War, supposedly to outline his plans for his first 100 days in office. But first, he said he'd sue the women who accused him of groping or kissing them without their consent. Typical abusive behavior Trump denied and threatened. That's the typical behavior of an abuser and it's triggering symptoms of PTSD in women who have endured sexual assault and/or relationships with sociopaths. A Lovefraud reader wrote: I wanted to bring up something that has been happening and it's alarming. While Trump has been campaigning for president, it has caused …
Donald Trump’s abusive behavior triggers PTSD – and so does Hillary Clinton’sRead More
I almost left my husband for a narcissist
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Marguerite." Hi Donna. I have recently read your book Love Fraud and am now reading Red Flags of Love Fraud, both of which I found were excellent. I feel I am recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist, although I feel blessed that things did not progress from the love bombing stage, which was exactly as you describe in your second book. Showering me with attention It was a very intense period of showering me with a huge amount of attention, adoration and admiration, and I now believe telling me the things I wanted to hear. I'm ashamed to say I was already married when I met him, and at …