How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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My sociopath husband embezzled $400,000 from me, and it was legal

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  Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Miriam." I met a con man in 2002 on Match.com while I was living and teaching school in Germany. We were married one year later in Germany and moved three times during the marriage. He lied to me every day for seven years. Because of the fraud, I lost my retirement house, much of the furniture and furnishings I had collected over 20 years, my car, my life savings, and seven years of my teaching salary. My husband only worked part time for nine months, but was managing all of our money. He made promises to me that were all broken. He had opportunities to work but always told employers "we don't need …

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Checklist: Is your partner a sociopath?

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  Almost every day, I receive email from people who have discovered Lovefraud and have a burning question to ask me: "Am I involved with a sociopath?" I've heard this question so many times that I've finally created a quick and easy way to help answer it Lovefraud's "Is your partner a sociopath?" checklist. The 29 items on the checklist are drawn from the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, which was completed by more than 1,300 respondents in 2012. It identifies the behaviors that people who were in relationships with sociopaths experienced and witnessed, time and time again. These are the same behaviors I continue to hear about from hundreds of readers. So if you are wondering …

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Silly science: Researchers say liking bitter foods is linked to antisocial personality traits

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Every day, my breakfast is topped with curry powder, which contains turmeric, which is bitter. I must have my coffee in the morning. For lunch I usually eat a salad containing arugula and radishes. I love using fresh herbs from my garden, such as parsley, basil and cilantro. And I'd love to eat dark chocolate every day, but I resist that. All of the foods I mentioned are bitter, so I must be a sociopath. Researchers from the University of Innsbruck in Austria say that they've found an association between people who say they like bitter foods and antisocial personality traits. According to reports on Science Direct and Medical Daily, almost 1,000 people all Americans were handed long lists …

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7 reasons loving a cheater can be a gift

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Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …

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Therapy Satisfaction Survey: Did you seek counseling because of a difficult relationship? How did it go?

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If you've found your way to Lovefraud, most likely it's because you experienced an abusive or destructive relationship. Did you also seek professional counseling? If so, Lovefraud wants to know about your experience. We are collecting data for a scientific research paper about the experiences of people who seek therapy in the context of an abusive relationship. Your relationship could have been with anybody: Partner Parent Sibling Boss Other The survey will ask you questions like: What aspects of the therapy were helpful or not helpful? Did you engage in couples or joint counseling? How satisfied were you with the services you received? It has multiple-choice questions and some questions …

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Q&A with Carol Mooney, a wellness counselor

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  What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? I worked for many years as a counselor in the criminal justice system with high-risk individuals involved in criminal offending, drugs and alcohol, volatile behaviors, chronic unemployment, very low education levels, mental health disorders and personality disorders (predominantly antisocial personality disorder), as well as a crisis counselor through the Mental Health Mental Retardation Department. In addition, I speak from the inside out from personal experience with a relationship with a dangerous, toxic lethal individual. I know the pain, betrayal a …

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Overt and covert narcissists

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According to an article by Scott Barry Kaufman on the Scientific American Blog, there are two types of narcissists: "While the 'overt' narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention," he writes, "'covert' narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution." Researchers have developed the Maladaptive Covert Narcissism Scale. It has 23 statements, and people are supposed to rate the degree to which the statements describe them. Kaufman includes the scale in this article does it apply to anyone you know? 23 signs you're secretly a …

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The sociopath would always make me think I did something wrong

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Felicia." I was separated from husband and joined a personal training center. The trainer through months of me training with him convinced me to help him open a restaurant. I worked long hours for no pay. He would tell me, I'll make you a partner, just prove to me you can run the restaurant. This went on for a year. I divorced and after the divorce he started to tell me I was the best thing that happened to the restaureant, that I would start to make a lot of money. He then started to ask me to go places with him that pertained to the business. Then he would tell me I was beautiful and we eventually started …

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How your brain enables you to be deceived

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When we finally catch on that everything a sociopath told us was a lie, most of us are furious with ourselves for not seeing the deception. We should cut ourselves some slack. A documentary that aired on the History channel explains why our brains misinterprets what we observe, and/or totally misses what is going on around us. "We believe first, and ask questions later," says science writer Jeff Wise in the show. Your Bleeped Up Brain: Deception, on History.com. Link provided by a Lovefraud reader. …

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How did you get caught by a sociopath? Find answers in the new Red Flags of Love Fraud Workbook ebook

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As I learned more and more about the depths of my one-time husband's deception and betrayal, one of the things I kept asking myself was this: How did I get myself into this mess? I was a college-educated journalist and business owner. I'd been dating for more than 20 years. Yet nothing this man promised me was real, and I couldn't see it until it was far too late. How did this happen? Since my personal experience, and hearing from thousands of Lovefraud readers, I've discovered that we all have vulnerabilities, and sociopaths are experts at finding them. Recognizing our own vulnerabilities will help us understand why we were targeted, and what we have to do to recover. More importantly, …

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