How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Why falling for a sociopath doesn’t mean you’re stupid

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UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Agatha." She wonders, does falling for a sociopath mean you're stupid? Since I found your website I have been doing a lot of reading, learning, and understanding. I made my break from my spath about three years ago. I keep reading how a spath knows who and how to catch a person in their web. Seemingly being very intelligent as to getting exactly what they want from us. In my case, my spath doesn't seem to be all that intelligent. Does this mean that I was taken in by a man of low intellect, and what does that say about me? I'm having trouble understanding how a man who seems to have no common s …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My journal entry about susceptibility to the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader sent the following entry from her journal. "About 2 1/2 months since the sociopath revealed himself for what he was, I'm now assessing how I made myself so vulnerable in the first place," she wrote. "Shockingly I realize I likely still am... still am as vulnerable... until I do my next needed self-work: truly healing my relationship with myself. Deeply." The following piece represents a step in her healing. I was thinking about whether I'd ever be able to reclaim my memories, once sweet, once preciously loving, of the past two years — ever since the sociopath revealed himself for the liar and deceiver that he is via his cruel d …

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Smear campaign set me up as the abusive parent

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who describes how her husband's smear campaign set her up at the abusive parent. He accused me of cheating on him which he kept these accusations going for the last two years of our marriage never believing me. He went to my family and friends crying and carrying on that I was cheating also that I was taking household money to buy drugs off the streets (didn’t happen I didn’t do this). He stalked me at my work — used a GPS tracking device and recording device on my van. He had altercations with management and the members of the country club I worked at. He never let me sleep, always creating a fight at night so I was sleep …

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Games psychopaths play – flaunting other women (and men)

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  UPDATED FOR 2023. Before my marriage, I was absolutely clueless about the games psychopaths play. I know about them now, but I am still shocked by their audacity. Here's what I witnessed, up close and personal: At 11 p.m. on a Saturday night, wearing new lingerie from Victoria's Secret, I awaited the arrival of my fiancé, James Montgomery. He'd been out of the country on a secret military mission (so he told me). But he could escape his duties for a short time, so he was driving more than 1,000 miles, from MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, Florida, to my home in New Jersey, to meet me for a passionate rendezvous. He arrived in a vehicle I'd never seen before — a black Gr …

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Why are you distraught about the lying, cheating sociopath’s silent treatment?

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You’ve discovered that your romantic partner is lying and cheating on you. When you confront, this person turns on you and refuses to talk to you. You’re the one who has been wronged. So why are you distraught about the sociopath’s silent treatment? A Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call Lucy20, asked exactly this question. Here’s what she wrote: I have ridden the merry go round for 10 years with a guy that has cheated and not told the truth. We break up (usually me pushing him away and him acting the victim and then we never can stay away.) He begs, I reject and then he retreats and I feel overwrought. Horrible. I feel heartbroken every single time. So hard to understand and get out of t …

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A classic Lovefraud story: I married a sociopath

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Charlotte23.” She was married to a man for 19 years. She was devastated to learn that she married a sociopath. Of course, I had no idea at the time. I married Tom in 2003. I had been married previously, for 15 years, and got divorced after finding out that my then-husband was cheating on me with someone he met at work. Where did he work? The World Trade Center. He was killed on 9/11/2001. Tom came along right about that same time. I had just bought a lovely home in a beautiful neighborhood for myself and my two children. We dated for a year before getting engaged; it was another year after that before we g …

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Here’s the worst lie a partner can tell you and what to do about it

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If you’re looking for a romantic relationship and you’re also reading Lovefraud, you probably have some awareness of sociopaths and you’re trying to figure out how to not hook up with one. To help you, I will reveal the worst lie that a partner can tell you. If you encounter this lie, you absolutely should not excuse it. Lying sociopaths All sociopaths lie. This presents those of us who are honest with a huge problem. First of all, sociopaths are really good liars. They’ve been lying all their lives. They tell big lies, little lies, stupid lies. They mix lies with the truth. They lie like they breathe. Secondly, human beings are really bad lie detectors. Research shows that most people …

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After the sociopath, I still feel numb – what can I do?

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UPDATED FOR 2023. After discovering that someone close to you, someone you trusted, totally betrayed you, it would certainly be expected that you'd feel anger, outrage, or sadness. But many people who have this experience simply feel numb. For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: It has been about 3 years since I discovered what happened to me. I've had no contact with my spaths. Yet I still feel numb and broken. I feel like I have tried almost everything to get through this dark time. I feel so lost. I feel so robbed of my life and my children have been too. What can I do now? I'm running out of solutions. I don't want to feel like this anymore.... please …

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When sociopaths threaten suicide

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If you’re a sociopath, and you sense that your latest target is tiring of your antics and getting ready to leave, what do you do? Well, many sociopaths threaten suicide. What sociopaths want most is power and control, and one of the most forceful ways to achieve it is to threaten suicide. This strategy is especially effective when they’re trying to hold on to their romantic partners. Why? Romantic partners care about the sociopath. If this is you, you are emotionally attached. Even if you’ve come to the conclusion that your relationship with the sociopath is not healthy, you don’t want to be the cause of anything bad happening to him or her. So when the sociopath threatens suicide if you le …

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A doctor twice ends up in the psych ward because of her sociopathic ex

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call Allison23. She reveals how her ex-husband got her thrown into the psych ward — twice. The sociopath in my life “saved” me from my abusive mother and got me out of the trailer park. I eventually earned 4 degrees, one of which was an MD. Looking back, the relationship was always controlling, but he made me believe that he was doing what he did because he needed to “mold” me into the perfect woman because my parents “didn’t do a good job”. As soon as I started making more money than him, his violence escalated and I finally got the courage to leave him in the middle of the night. Little did I know this would be …

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