A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following question: I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this? This reader posts as "Sam." Last year I published her story as a "Letter to Lovefraud." The explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of Sam's story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her: She witnessed domestic violence from a very young age. She left home before she turned 15. She suffered from depression. Her …
Failed Attempts at Marriage Counseling with a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce I sat in the small, tastefully furnished room and listened to the tick”¦tick”¦tick of the clock. I had long since stopped listening to the conversation going on around me. This was not the way it was supposed to be. I stepped into the psychologist's office less than a half hour earlier full of optimism and hope. Unfortunately, I was, once again, realizing how naive I had been. An Insincere Effort For nearly a year, I had been begging and pleading with my (then) husband to come to marriage counseling. Our relationship was deteriorating a a rate that was destined for destruction. He always supported me and the children going to counseling, so I was amazed when he a …
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Young woman whose mother kidnapped her as a child speaks out
Back in 1994, Dorothy Barnett lost custody of her still-nursing 9 1/2-month-old daughter to her ex-husband, Benjamin Harris Todd. According to news reports, when Barnett became pregnant, Todd originally wanted her to terminate it. Then, as they split up, Todd painted her as mentally deficient, and convinced the court in Charleston, South Carolina, to award him custody. Fearing for her daughter's safety, Barnett took her and disappeared for almost 20 years. In November, she was located in Australia and arrested for parental kidnapping. The child, now called Samantha Geldenhuys, 20, never knew of her history. For the first time, she tells her story on Australian TV. Woman kidnapped …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She played the hot and cold game
Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader "truelove." Wow where to start. I am in my 40s and started dating a girl in her late 20s back in April 2013. I had met her a couple years ago and thought she was a nice, caring person. We started dating and things got hot and heavy really fast. It was like a fun roller coaster ride, but little did I realize she had plans to purposely make it jump the tracks once I was most vulnerable and hooked. Taking control She played the hot and cold game with me from the beginning. I was hurt by it but always went back to her when she wanted to see me. She was taking control of the relationship at this point through manipulating my …
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BOOK REVIEW: Living and Loving After Betrayal
I've been looking for a book to help you heal from the devastating betrayal of a sociopath. I finally found it. Living and Loving After Betrayal How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment, by Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the best explanation I've ever read of how betrayal affects you emotionally and psychologically, and how to recover from it. In fact, I am so impressed with this book that we are now carrying it in the Lovefraud bookstore. Why it hurts Stosny starts the book by explaining why intimate betrayal hurts so much. Love bonds developed because they were crucial to the survival of the human race. Back in caveman days, we needed to look out for …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How to discourage the psychopath in your life
Editor's note: The following was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "LouAnn." She had no choice but to deal with a psychopath. 1. Psychopaths need stimulation. They like “fireworks.” Don't give it to them. Either do not respond to them at all, or give them very calm, professional responses. This is called “non-reward” and it will become much less fun to bully you. 2. When you do respond, respond slowly. Psychopaths need instant gratification. Making them wait for your response is not fun or stimulating for them. 3. Consider not telling them about the damage they have done. They may be secretly finding glee from hurting you if they are in revenge mode, or may find satisf …
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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: The modus operandi of disordered partners
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey [I will use masculine pronouns for the destructive partner for the sake of simplicity, though destructive partners are often female.] There are a number of modus operandi a narcissistic or socio / psychopathic partner employs in a destructive relationship, as a response to your needs, complaints, or issues in the relationship. One is that you are kept off balance. You may be feeling desperate and alone a lot in the relationship because your partner has become more distant, disengaged, angry, and rejecting (sexually and/or emotionally). Perhaps he has even become abusive. But, if you complain too much or bring up suspicious …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable
Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …
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Documents reveal Chicago Catholic Church sex abuse cover-up
The Chicago Diocese of the Roman Catholic Church moved priests accused of child molestation from parish to parish, hiding their histories from the community, according to lawyers for the victims. The Diocese says allegations against 65 priests were substantiated. Documents related to 30 of them were posted on the Internet yesterday. Archdiocese of Chicago fought to conceal abuse claims: report, on NYDailyNews.com. Website with the actual documents: Archdiocese of Chicago Documents, on AndersonAdvocates.com More on the crisis: U.N. committee criticizes Vatican for allegedly enabling child sex abuse, on NYDailyNews.com. …
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Divorcing A Sociopath: Getting Away, Staying Away
by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity. These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs. Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain. Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband, or pretending he was a …