Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a soon to be released book, “Carnal Abusive Deceit When a Predator's Lies Become Rape.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. Joyce lives in New York City, where she's a real estate broker, professional tennis instructor and a strong advocate for her community. The Betrayal Bond — an oxytocin craving By Joyce M. Short We often see stories in the news about people who meet tragic ends by remaining in a relationship with someone whose behavior should have si …
Married To A Sociopath: Effects of Abuse on Children
When my husband and I separated after fifteen years of marriage, I felt as though all I did was answer question after question from everyone I encountered. But, there was one question that stood out among all the others, and it continues to replay in my head, even today. “Did you know your son was being emotionally and verbally abused by his father?” A Mother Seeking Help This was asked by a health care professional in the psychology department of the children's emergency hospital. My son had been in a severe depression for months, and I felt as though he was entering crisis mode. So, at the suggestion of our pediatrician, I drove my son to the hospital. I didn't tell anyone I was goin …
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Saving the world from sociopaths
Last week, three teens from Oklahoma were charged with killing an Australian student athlete "for fun." Christopher Lane, 22, was visiting Duncan, Oklahoma, where his girlfriend lived. While he was jogging down the road, a car drove by him and Lane was shot in the back. Charged in the crime are Chancey Allen Luna, 16; James Francis Edwards Jr., 15; and Michael Dewayne Jones, 17. According to CBS News: "They saw Christopher go by, and one of them said: 'There's our target,'" said Police Chief Dan Ford. "The boy who has talked to us said, 'We were bored and didn't have anything to do, so we decided to kill somebody.'" Back in June, there was a similarly shocking case in Indiana. …
BOOK REVIEW: Escaping the Boy – My Life with a Sociopath
Many, many people tell me that they should write a book about their experiences with a sociopath. Paula Carrasquillo is one of those who have done it. Her novella, Escaping the boy: My life with a sociopath, is not long. The actual story is only about 50 pages, with plenty of white space. But in those few pages, Paula tells a powerful narrative of her disordered ex and the insanity she endured living with him. The way she does it is through carefully selected vignettes. She refers to her ex as "the boy," and to herself as "the woman." Some of the anecdotes portray the boy's life before the woman entered the picture. But most of them provide glimpses of his unreasonable demands, her …
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Divorcing A Sociopath: Finding Strength, Acceptance, and Healing
by Quinn Pierce Today, after a trip to the psychologist with my children, I watched my ex-husband run to open the door for a very pregnant woman who looked extremely tired in the day's intense heat. She immediately broke out into a grateful smile, her whole body relaxed, and I could see the combination of the cool air conditioning and the sweet gesture of this gentleman turned her whole day around. But for me, it was like watching a car accident in slow motion. I was all at once sick and mesmerized by what I saw. I know it doesn't sound like much of an incident to cause such a reaction, but it was so typical, and predictable, and”¦calculated. And that's when I realized why it …
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Dating again after the sociopath
Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …
How psychopathic parents affect children
A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can see how manipulative he was
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we'll call "Clarissa." She dated a man whom we'll call "Bradford." Clarissa is sharing a letter he sent her, which is posted with all its original misspellings. I met Bradford nearly three years ago. I had never heard of a sociopath and I fell for his charm and good looks. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. One year after our relationship ended and now knowing I loved a sociopath, I am starting to put my life back on track, I am paying back the debt he left me in and even looking to meet someone new. I will not let him ruin anymore of my life. I am lucky to have got away from him, but I wanted to share a …
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BOOK REVIEW: Just Like His Father?
Many of you who have been with a sociopath have had children with him/her. I've heard a lot of sad and horrible stories from partners who are left with the fall-out of the damage done to the children. The sociopath can be abusive, parentify the child into meeting his/her needs, or ally the child against the other parent, all of which are extremely damaging. The child may also be exposed to chaos in the home, addiction, or divorce. If this weren't bad enough, the child of a sociopath will have half of his/her genes, making the child vulnerable to developing sociopath traits. That is why Dr. Liane J. Leedom's book, Just Like His Father? is timely and of crucial …
The Sociopath, Divorce and Small Steps to Recovery
By Quinn Pierce I have always been the type of writer who prefers notebooks and pencils to computer screens and keyboards. As someone who writes daily, I have quite a collection of notebooks, and my pencils can be found in every room of the house. Sometimes, I go through old notebooks in an attempt to recycle unused pages, and inadvertently, I end up recycling old memories, as well. Revisiting the Past Often, it's the emotional equivalent of cleaning out my closet. It's an opportunity to see how far I've come in the aftermath of my marriage and divorce, and it gives me a chance to let go of some misconceptions about myself and my ex-husband that I have since outgrown. But, once in a …