Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish. It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern. Problems that are not yours to solve Typically, …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I fell for it a million times
Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "Abigail." She relates how she fell for her so-called boyfriend's lies, over and over. I met my now ex-boyfriend June 2004. I had been divorced for 4 years; my kids were 7 and 10. He is a police officer. The night I met he seemed depressed, I asked him, "Why are you so sad?" He replied, “I got divorced this week.” By the end of the night I was really excited; I really liked him! I had been alone for four years. We started dating. Since I thought he was recently divorced, I didn't question him when he didn't call and sometimes, although I would speak to him, I wouldn't see him on the weekends. That only …
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If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?
UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries. Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath. There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist. Donna Andersen responds Before I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork. We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears. This applies to disordered people as well. Even when …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less
Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary. I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year. While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August. One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns …
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My controlling sister is a sociopath
Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader is shocked to realize that his sister is a sociopath. Here he tells his story. What I’ll be sharing here is not a good story … It is in fact a very sad and dysfunctional situation I am dealing with. I post this so that others may learn how to identify and navigate through if faced with a similar situation. Interactions with a controlling person: Have you ever dealt with a controlling person? … Someone that feels they just have to have their way no matter what. They go so far as to try to control not only every outcome, but also every action of others around them. In addition, they work to manipulate others in such a way that, …
To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain
UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud published a Spath Tale in which a reader, "simpleme56," describes her terrible experience of multiple betrayals. Here's how she begins her story: I came from an abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, and worked hard for over thirty years to heal, to educate myself to be able to understand the dynamics of my abuser and move forward in my life. Believing she finally found an incredible man, she left the abusive marriage, but quickly learned, to her horror, that the new man was another abuser. Here's her story: Back and forth, from the abusive husband to the sociopathic boyfriend It seems so disheartening. Simpleme56 worked hard to understand what had …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Not one thing about him was real
Editor's Note: In this post, another Lovefraud reader tells her story of being deceived by a sociopath. He was an attractive, well built-man for his 47 years. When we met three years ago, I thought he was extremely handsome and charming. He was fun to be around, and seemed to crave the same physical and emotional contact as I did. He said he was not married and that he had just ended a relationship with a woman he had been dating because she was pressuring him to meet his daughters and he was not ready for that kind of intimacy. Over a short period of time, about four weeks, he talked about his abusive mother, his time in the Navy as a SEAL and a reservist. He suffered from the same kind …
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Announcing the True Lovefraud Stories podcast
Did you ever try to tell someone what you went through with the sociopath, and they looked at you like you were crazy? Most people really don’t understand the extreme deception and manipulation that goes on in these relationships. Now everyone can learn what happens, up close and personal, by listening to the True Lovefraud Stories podcast. Since I launched Lovefraud.com in 2005, I’ve heard literally thousands of unbelievable stories of people’s encounters with sociopaths. They’re shocking, but true. You literally can’t make this stuff up. Now, I’m giving you and all Lovefraud readers and viewers the opportunity to tell your stories. Brave survivors have said to me, “If I can save one person …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Boundaries, zero tolerance, closure, moving on
Editor's note: This article about the importance of boundaries and belief in herself was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. It has been about a year since my story was posted on Lovefraud, Not one thing about him was real. It has been two years since I broke off the short relationship with this disordered man. It is a year and a half since he stalked me. I hope to share at least some practical points that have helped me in the healing process. It does get better. And it is a process. I wish I could say that others may be helped PRIOR to involvement with a sociopath, but as we all know, sometimes the inevitable entanglement occurs before we even realize we have been manipulated. This …
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Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally
UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …
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