Lovefraud Blog

Don’t think ‘choices’ and ‘mistakes’ are the same thing

September 9, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 61 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) How we define words and concepts helps us to see human behavior in a realistic way. When people make bad choices, and do bad things, things they know are wrong, they ARE still CHOICES, not accidents or mistakes, even though the consequences were unforeseen when they are caught and punished. I've frequently heard people refer to what I consider to be deliberate and knowing “choices” as “mistakes.” In the sentence, “he made a mistake and robbed a liquor store,” my inclination is to scream, “NO, he did NOT make a ”˜mistake,' he made a deliberate choice to rob a liquor store.” The mistake was he didn't figure he would get caught, and he was wrong. He got ca …

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‘Bad mothering’ lawsuit dismissed

September 7, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 34 Comments

An Illinois appeals court recently dismissed a lawsuit filed by the two adult children of Steven A. Milner and Kimberly Garrity, who divorced in 1995. Both children, Steven II and Kathryn, lived with their father, an attorney, in a $1.5 million house. They alleged that their mother caused emotional distress by sending dumb birthday cards or failing to send care packages when they were in college. In reporting the story the Chicago Tribune portrayed Steven II and Kathryn—represented by their father and two other attorneys—as spoiled brats. Read: 'Bad mothering' lawsuit dismissed on ChicagoTribune.com. I was all set to think that the case was a frivolous lawsuit driven by Steven Min …

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Lessons From The Men I’ve Loved

September 6, 2011 // by Mel Carnegie// 2 Comments

Thank you very much for all the comments and emails I have received since my last post. I am so glad that I'm able to make a difference, and I'm deeply honoured to be part of this amazing site. This week's writing has been prompted by something in my personal life — I hope you like it. Happy Birthday It's just turned midnight on my son's sixteenth birthday as I sit down to write this week's article. I am so very proud of him, and am constantly amazed at the depth of wisdom, strength and kindness in such a young man. When I look back at the day just two and a half years earlier when I had to sit him down and tell him the truth about the man who had been his step father since just before …

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Hurricanes, terror and sociopaths

September 5, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 13 Comments

Once again, I was terrified that my life was going to collapse. Eleven years ago, my fear was caused by my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Because of him, my savings had been wiped out, I was overloaded with credit card debt and my business was decimated. I was fighting him in court, and even when I won, it didn't matter. The court ordered him to pay me, and he ignored the order. I got nothing. I had been well and truly betrayed. I berated myself for my stupidity in believing his grandiose schemes. My relations with family members were strained—they also thought I was stupid. I was 44 years old, and facing the fact that I'd never have the only thing I thought that I wanted in …

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Letters to Lovefraud: Attempting to understand what happened

September 4, 2011 // by Lovefraud Reader// 176 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as Whirlwind71. I have just finished reading Love Fraud just mere moments ago, and up until now, I really hadn't been interested in books at all. Previous to this, I read Mary Jo Buttafuoco, Getting It Through My Thick Skull as well as Snakes in Suits and Pathology of a Psychopath (a hard read) ”¦ all in an attempt to understand what the heck happened to me and my family when a guy (whom I described as the most amazing man I have ever met) came into my life ”¦ I now realize that the word "amazing" has many different levels! Once married to my kids' father, I was now a divorced ”¦ or shall I say a HAPPILY divor …

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Psychopaths in the corner suite

September 3, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 53 Comments

According to research by Dr. Paul Babiak and Dr. Robert Hare, one in 25 business leaders may be a psychopath. Their research will be presented in a BBC Horizon documentary called Are you good or evil?, Wednesday, September 7, at 9 p.m. Read One in 25 business leaders may be a psychopath, study finds, on Guardian.co.uk. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Today I told a lie, because the truth was too unbelievable

September 2, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 208 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I don't have much use for people who lie ”¦ but sometimes I have resorted to it myself, and today was one of those days. You know, sometimes psychopaths are sort of like a sexually transmitted disease, they are the “love that keeps on giving in a negative way,” it seems, forever. What brought me to telling a lie, because it was just more believable than the truth, was a convoluted story about the “Trojan Horse Psychopath” who infiltrated my family. This man is a three-time convicted child molester who had been a former cell mate and friend to my son, Patrick Alexander, who is in prison in Texas for murder. My son had sent him to infiltrate our family …

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Reaching Out And Healing

August 30, 2011 // by Mel Carnegie// 128 Comments

Today I would like to reach out to everyone here on this site. I have been deeply touched by your comments and on-going conversations, and I feel so much of the pain and confusion that many of you are still experiencing. Your stories resonate so strongly with me on numerous levels — because I've been there too. I know how it feels. I ache for each and every one of you who is currently going through the heartbreak and insanity. And I'm here to tell you, today, that it WILL get better. You WILL come through — particularly with the help and support of sites like this — and there WILL come a time when you can look back at where you are now, recognize all you have achieved and give yourself a huge …

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Letter from a sociopath

August 29, 2011 // by Donna Andersen// 220 Comments

From time to time, Lovefraud receives email from people who identify themselves as sociopaths. Here's one that came in recently: I have read your website, and i am not impressed. You give the impression that all sociopaths are murderers and haters, incapable of loving, and should be thrown away as a tragedy to the human race. You do not mention the difference between a high-functioning sociopath and a low-functioning sociopath. I happen to be a high-functioning sociopath, and your website is all lies and misguided information, and whats worse, you gain money out of creating a stigma of us, and abusing the victims of certain relationships, which although do happen, aren't generally what high …

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It Must Be Me…

August 23, 2011 // by Mel Carnegie// 27 Comments

Thank you so much for all the kind comments following my last post”¦ I'm glad that people are able to connect with what I am saying. It brings me great joy to feel part of this community — thank you for welcoming me so warmly. This week I have decided to write about something that I've been discussing over the past couple of days with my great friend Beatrix, who was also married to a charming sociopath. She is, of course, part of the sister and brotherhood who've been there seen it and got the T-shirt. We've known each other for many years, and our conversations, quite naturally, often focus on our experiences and subsequent education about personality disorders. So last night we were dis …

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Donna Andersen on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “Truthmatters – excellent, excellent points. Even when we notice our instincts warning us, the sociopaths often try to convince us…”
truthmatters on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “I would like to add a caution to all that ample disordered personalities know that your intuition will kick off…”
Donna Andersen on After the sociopath, proud of my healing: “Eleanor – Congratulations to you and all survivors. And thank you so much for your kind words. You, too, have…”
sept4 on Am I a sociopath magnet?: “Not me, I am one and done! My sociopath ex husband wrecked my life and I have never wanted to…”
sept4 on My psychopathic ex-husband is dead, and his pedophile brother is in prison: “Thank you Donna for sharing. My sociopath ex husband is a convicted criminal and continued his criminal activity after a…”