I was with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, for two and a half years. During this time, I knew he was costing me money, but he attributed his lack of business success to “being ahead of his time.” I eventually discovered that he was lying and cheating on me. But although I saw eruptions of anger, my ex was never abusive towards me—nothing like the abuse many of you have endured. Some sociopaths can treat people reasonably well for an extended period of time, if it suits their purpose. For example, Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader: I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two, when …
LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Relationship survey for Lovefraud readers
Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I'll be doing my first three classes next month. Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you're dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control. We've discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identif …
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Heal your heart for Valentine’s Day
For people who feel like their love lives are lacking, Valentine's Day can be really miserable. I know. I spent far more years of my adult life alone than I spent attached. Pining for romance makes us vulnerable to the sweet nothings of the sociopath. Of course, we don't realize when we hear those smooth, silky words that they literally are nothings—empty promises. We think they're the answers to our prayers. Our dreams come true. Then, at some point, we shockingly discover that our “relationship” with Prince or Princess Charming is nothing but a cruel mirage. We've been tricked. We find ourselves once again single, but now we're also carrying whatever additional devastation the socio …
Sitting with the sociopathic client
Sitting with an antisocial or sociopathic client is an interesting experience—for a while, anyway, until it grows tedious”¦almost boring. There is the initial curiosity about, and fascination with, the client's antisocial behaviors”¦their nature”¦breadth. Perhaps there's even a certain rubbernecking interest in the train-wreck of moral turpitude these clients present—with their staggering patterns of ethical and moral debaseness. Admittedly, it can be breathtaking, on certain levels, to behold the magnitude of their abuse of others' boundaries and dignity, accompanied by missing feelings of accountability and remorse. And the interest in the experience with such clients persists a bit l …
Donna Andersen on Upfront & Straightforward radio show Feb. 10
I'll be a guest on the Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie radio show tomorrow night. The topic: Romantic Sociopaths, Con Artists and Psychopaths. I will discuss "10 Signs that you're dating a sociopath," along with other issues related to these social predators. The show is on Blog Talk Radio, so you can listen to it on your computer. It starts at 10 p.m. EST I'll be on from 10:15 p.m. EST to 11:25 p.m. EST. Here's a link: Romantic Sociopaths, Con Artists and Psychopaths This is a call-in show, so if you have a question, feel free to join the conversation. The phone number is 646-478-5710. UPDATE: The show is archived on Blog Talk Radio—to listen, just click the …
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LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Here’s why we need to educate high school students
I'll be presenting information about sociopaths to students in two New Jersey high schools next month. A blog posted recently on Women Explode reminds me why I am doing this. Although the author referred to the callous boy she was with as a "Psychotic Frog," he doesn't sound delusional. He sounds like a classic sociopath. At least she escaped, and the story has a happy ending. Read Psychotic Frog on WomenExplode.com. …
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Find meaning in the betrayal
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “lostgirl.” I fell hopelessly in love with (read as I would have given him my real heart and died for him) a sociopath/psychopath. Skip the details. I am four years divorced. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't grieve the loss of the relationship I thought I had. I cognitively know that the person I married was not who I thought he was and I even believe I know how he came to be. Unfortunately, I have never felt anger, only sadness for what I viewed as the person he could hav …
BOOK REVIEW: A Mind of Its Own
By Ox Drover I recently read A Mind of Its Own—How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives, by Cordelia Fine, Ph.D. Dr. Fine was awarded a degree in experimental psychology from Oxford University, an M.Phil. in criminology from Cambridge University, and a Ph.D. in psychology from University College in London. She is currently a research associate at the Centre for Applied Philosophy and Public Ethics at the University of Melbourne in Australia. This book is very entertaining and as the book jacket says, In recent years, we've heard a lot about the extraordinary workings of our hundred-billion-celled brain: its amazing capacities to regulate sensation, perception, thinking, and feeling, its a …
Almost drowning with the con man Andrew J. Harper
Editor's note: Andrew J. Harper, who conned multiple women in Australia, was sentenced yesterday to nine months in jail. Here's what we hear from one of his victims, Rochelle Fisher. "Rebecca Bell was there, she said the magistrate gave him an absolute drilling, and was not falling for any of his crap. She said the fact that the victims had children made him very angry. "Also, his lawyer said that he didn't get any financial gain from his victims, that they were along for the ride and enjoyed it, like staying in hotels etc. And the magistrate said 'Yes, but, they would not have paid it if he had told the truth.' "He has been ordered to pay back 22k to victims and hotels, but there …
The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships
Here at Lovefraud, we've heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are: 1. Calculated exploitation The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet …
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