How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Lovefraud Blog

The serial killer and the scam telemarketer? Cousins? Or brothers of a different species?

//  by //  29 Comments

Let's compare sociopathic types and ask ourselves what, if anything, they share in common? How deeply related, deeply connected, is their sociopathy? Are they close cousins, blood brothers or, perhaps, brothers altogether of a different species? Let's compare the classic, mythical sociopath, the serial killer—whose violent predations have been widely documented, if not sensationalized, in the media—with the arguably less glamorous, more insidious sociopathic type, the scamming telemarketing sociopath who fleeces senior citizens of their assets? What do these personalities have in common and where, perhaps, do we find divergences between them? Let's begin with what we might argue the …

The serial killer and the scam telemarketer? Cousins? Or brothers of a different species?Read More

How the pain of abuse lasts a lifetime

//  by //  180 Comments

A few days ago, Bill Zeller, a 27-year-old graduate student at Princeton University, died. The cause: suicide. The reason: He was tormented due to being repeatedly raped as a child. Zeller left a 4,000-word suicide note that eloquently explained the effect that the devastation had on his life. There is a link to it in this article: Princeton student kills self over rape as child, on CBSNews.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

How the pain of abuse lasts a lifetimeRead More

LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: If you have read my book, please post a review

//  by //  10 Comments

A sociopath ripped through my life, taking my money, cheating on me, shaking my soul to its core. It was a terrible, painful, humiliating experience. But it has also given me a new mission in life—spreading the word about these human predators, helping others to heal, or better yet, avoid them. That's why I launched Lovefraud.com. And that's why I wrote my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. My husband, Terry Kelly, believes in this mission. Together, we formed a publishing company, called Anderly Publishing, to get the message out. Love Fraud is our first book, and based on what I hear from all of you, I have a list of about 20 more titles that n …

LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: If you have read my book, please post a reviewRead More

Getting over that amazing ‘chemistry’

//  by 

Sooner or later, those of us who are romantically involved, or have been romantically involved, with sociopaths and other exploiters recognize that the relationship is bad for us and must end. Although we know this intellectually, often we still feel incredible attraction, even love, for the individual. How do we break the emotional attachment? For example, Lovefraud recently received the following letter: I am single, and I think I was with someone very narcissistic, if not outright sociopathic. The thing is, even though I am no longer with him (and he did not get to my finances), he broke my heart. My question is, how do you get over him? I have tried to date others, but no man has …

Getting over that amazing ‘chemistry’Read More

Sex in the Love Fraud book

//  by //  3 Comments

Yes, I will admit, my book, Love Fraud, does include some sex scenes. A few readers have expressed surprise that I am willing to share that aspect of my story. But the book is about my search for love and marriage, and sex is a natural part of love and marriage. The scenes are handled tastefully. They're not as racy as erotica—heck, they're not even as racy as romance novels, with those silly little euphemisms, always preceded by three long, hot, trembling adjectives. But sex did happen, and I did include it, for two important reasons. Unhealthy sex The first reason is to illustrate unhealthy sex—the kind of sex engaged in by sociopaths. I was clueless about sociopaths when I first met my …

Sex in the Love Fraud bookRead More

BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect Redux

//  by //  364 Comments

It's amazing how people can have differing opinions of the same book. Last May, the Lovefraud Reader Ox Drover wrote a review of The Gaslight Effect, by Dr. Robin Stern. I am always on the lookout for books that will help readers understand, and recover from, a traumatic entanglement with a sociopath. Because Oxy was so complimentary about The Gaslight Effect, I was anxious to read it, and possibly recommend it to others. Well, I read the book, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. Oxy did point out that Dr. Stern never mentions the word, “sociopath,” referring to the perpetrator as the “gaslighter,” and the victim as the “gaslightee.” Although Oxy was willing to look past this omission, …

BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect ReduxRead More

BOOK REVIEW: The 48 Laws of Power

//  by //  215 Comments

  By Ox Drover Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath's play book,'“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays. I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it! Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction. Here's what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content: The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch P …

BOOK REVIEW: The 48 Laws of PowerRead More

Private behavior and the public good

//  by //  694 Comments

The connection between love and politics—that was the topic of commentary in yesterday's paper written by Gregory Rodriguez, a columnist for the Los Angeles Times. The article, Love and politics in a cynical age, got me thinking about the consistency of behavior. Rodriguez summarized how Americans have come to view the private lives and public lives of the people we elect to represent us. He wrote: The truth is that we don't generally associate politics or politicians with happy marriages and deep romance, let alone fidelity. The constant revelation of scandals and peccadilloes in the halls of power have trained us to expect the worst of those—particularly the men—we elect to shepherd and …

Private behavior and the public goodRead More