Lovefraud Blog

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day

April 28, 2010 // by Lovefraud Reader// 245 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader whom we'll call “Lara.” About three months ago, I met a 34-year-old German banker from Munich online (he added me on Facebook), after being very hesitant to speak to him, I gave into his persistence and we started a whirlwind romance over the phone for two months. He asked me to meet him in Paris and I did a few weeks ago, only to be dumped the day after we had sex together. I have been asking myself for answers but it was only recently that my friend brought to my attention that Y (German banker) exhibited the key traits of a sociopath. Y added me randomly on Facebook and we had one mutual friend (A fellow Korean Uni student a …

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Respite for adopted Russian children and their parents

April 27, 2010 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Many Russian children adopted by Americans suffer from the legacy of fetal alcohol syndrome, institutionalization, poverty and socially corrosive survival skills. A ranch in Montana gives them—and their parents—a break. Read Russian adoptees get a respite on the range, on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Psychopathic parents and the disappearance of baby Gabriel Johnson

April 23, 2010 // by Lovefraud Reader// 77 Comments

By Ox Drover In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found. Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo's three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visi …

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The importance of teaching empathy to children

April 22, 2010 // by Donna Andersen// 27 Comments

Neuroscientists, psychologists and educators believe that bullying in schools and other kinds of violence can be reduced by encouraging empathy at an early age. Read How not to raise a bully: The early roots of empathy on Time.com. Link submitted by a reader via the Lovefraud Facebook fan page. …

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Idealism and sociopaths

April 19, 2010 // by Donna Andersen// 188 Comments

Last year, Slate published an article called My mother married her prison pen pal. A synopsis of the story is this: After 22 years of marriage, the author's parents divorced. One day her mother receives a collect phone call from Joe, who was incarcerated. He dialed her phone number at random; thinking it was someone she knew who had the same name, the woman accepted the call. The prisoner asked the woman to write to him. She thought it was a good mentorship opportunity, so she did. Eventually, the woman married the guy. Please pause now and read the story: My mother married her prison pen pal By Anna Balkrishna The biggest myth Mom knew that Joe was in jail—she started w …

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Families of sociopaths need help when incarceration is over

April 17, 2010 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 34 Comments

Shortly after I met serial killer Rodney Alcala, he invited me over to see his photography. At the time he was living with his parents even though he was 35. Upon entering the home, he introduced me to his mother who was visibly angry with him for inviting me over. Looking back now I can guess this was because he had been convicted twice of violent crimes against young girls. I do not blame the Alcala family for the behavior of Rodney or for not telling me to get away from him. I only bring up this story to highlight the fact that when offenders are released from prison they become a problem for their families. A person getting out of prison has no place to go, no home, no money and no …

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Lovefraud’s comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5

April 16, 2010 // by Donna Andersen// 175 Comments

Editor's note: The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is the main reference book used by mental health professionals. Back in February, Lovefraud invited you, our readers, to complete a survey on issues related to the new DSM-5. We will be preparing a full scientific paper on the results of the survey. In the meantime, following is Lovefraud's comment to the DSM-5 committee, which includes the basic survey results. To read the revised definition of antisocial personality disorder in the draft of the DSM-5, click the following link. (The working group has recommended …

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How To Avoid Exploitative Partners

April 15, 2010 // by Steve Becker, LCSW// 373 Comments

While there are no sure-proof ways to avoid exploitive partners (short of entering the monastery), we can reduce our risk of getting too deeply involved with them. Why do I say too deeply? Because if getting involved with an exploiter at all isn't bad enough, getting in too deeply is the disaster we hope to avoid. One of the best (and most under-utilized) strategies to protect yourself is to properly“vet” your prospective (or new) partner. What I have to say ahead is especially applicable if you've been burned by a sociopath previously, and even moreso if you suspect in yourself a tendency to enter relationships with bad-news characters. What do I mean by “vetting” your partner? I mean, …

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A Witness to Healing

April 14, 2010 // by Lovefraud Reader// 59 Comments

Editor's Note: The author of this piece, Travis Vining, told his story to Lovefraud readers back in 2008. He is the son of a psychopath, and wrote about how confusing it was to know that the man was his father, and also a murderer. Travis' previous blog articles are listed under “True Lovefraud Stories.”Travis helped get his father, John Vining, convicted of three murders. The Orlando Sentinel recently published a three-part series of articles about Travis and the murders. You can read the articles here:Part 1 of 3: In ”˜o4, killer's son recalled dad admitted to 2 killingsPart 2 of 3: Plan by killer John Vining's son involves betrayal, lies, audiotapePart 3 of 3: Search for killer John Vining …

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10 Signs that you’re dating a sociopath

April 12, 2010 // by Donna Andersen// 1,523 Comments

If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath. 1. Charisma and charm. They're smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. 2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that. 3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends. 4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch. 5. Blame …

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Donna Andersen on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “Truthmatters – excellent, excellent points. Even when we notice our instincts warning us, the sociopaths often try to convince us…”
truthmatters on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “I would like to add a caution to all that ample disordered personalities know that your intuition will kick off…”
Donna Andersen on After the sociopath, proud of my healing: “Eleanor – Congratulations to you and all survivors. And thank you so much for your kind words. You, too, have…”
sept4 on Am I a sociopath magnet?: “Not me, I am one and done! My sociopath ex husband wrecked my life and I have never wanted to…”
sept4 on My psychopathic ex-husband is dead, and his pedophile brother is in prison: “Thank you Donna for sharing. My sociopath ex husband is a convicted criminal and continued his criminal activity after a…”