Many who have been hurt by sociopaths develop a general distrust of others. This distrust is understandable given how difficult it often is to tell if another person is a sociopath. However, going through life with distrust is not a pleasant way to live. Victims naturally then want to know in detail what sociopaths are about so they can identify the untrustables, and go back to trusting everyone else. One of the purposes of this website is to describe sociopaths and teach people to identify them. Sociopaths are pathological liars who like to talk as experts on many topics. They manipulate others and generally have a high opinion of themselves. They also lack remorse for their actions and …
A Call for Help Denied
The Call - December 12, 1987 I came home in the late afternoon one day and put the news on before going to work. We had a sunken living room and I was standing in the middle of the room when I saw the report. I had been watching the news very closely lately (with good reason). I was looking for news about a recent murder”¦but I wasn't ready for this. It was one of the local news stations. I immediately recognized the artist sketch of the suspected murderer. It was my father. They had just identified the body of a missing woman and they described the suspect. They had found her body three days earlier, in the same field where two bodies were found just days before. My father was re …
The New Yorker writes about researchers’ struggle to study psychopaths
Two Lovefraud readers brought an article in the latest issue of The New Yorker magazine to my attention. It's entitled Suffering Souls—the search for the roots of psychopathy, by John Seabrook. The article starts off describing the work of a researcher, Dr. Kent Kiehl, who is using an fMRI machine to study the brains of prisoners in the Western New Mexico Correctional Facility, searching for physical indications of psychopathy. The author provides a brief history of the evolution of scientific understanding about this personality disorder, and describes today's conflicting opinions about it. Seabrook reviewed the literature and interviewed experts, including Dr. Robert Hare. All in all, t …
The New Yorker writes about researchers’ struggle to study psychopathsRead More
When Mom or her partner is a sociopath
It seems obvious that sociopaths make lousy parents and step parents. But the courts have not always seen it that way. One father trying to protect his daughter from a sociopathic mother was asked by a mental health professional, "So she's a liar does that make her a bad mother?" Furthermore, the texbook I use to teach forensic psychology says that professionals who evaluate parents in custody disputes "should avoid diagnostic labels" and "accentate the postitives." There seems to be a lack of clarity as to what makes an adequate parent, a good parent and a bad parent. The court also does not recognize that the biologic children of sociopaths may have special developmental needs if they …
The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?
If it's easy getting into a relationship with an exploiter, getting out isn't always so simple. What makes the getting out so difficult? In retrospect (if we're lucky enough to say “in retrospect”) it seems like it should have been a no-brainer. In truth there are many reasons it can be hard to leave a destructive relationship and destructive person. I've addressed several of them in previous posts, and the LoveFraud community in general has addressed this theme comprehensively. But here I'd like to consider a less-appreciated factor. I regard it as the factor of habituation. Optimally the best time to end a relationship with an exploiter is the very first signal you get that something i …
The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?Read More
Captive Audience for a Murderer
When my father was released from prison in 1987 I had no idea what he was about to do. Not even close. I wanted to believe that he might be successful again, but deep down I knew the truth. My father had never really been successful, it was all a lie. He had always been a conman. But the truth can be a tricky thing in certain circumstances and my denial of that simple fact was about to lead me into 17 months as a witness to my father's killing spree that would leave four people dead. For years I had been riddled with guilt, shame, physical illnesses and repressed memories as a result of what I witnessed and learned during those 17 months. Funny thing about it today is I'm still not sure …
Welcome to Lovefraud Land
By Peggywhoever Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile). This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here. Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck. See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here? You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though yo …
Researchers want to know about your experience with a psychopath
Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through. Perhaps that is beginning to change. Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare. The purpose of the study is "to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness …
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Psychopaths in Hollywood
[Hello all. I haven't contributed to lovefraud.com/blog for about six months now. That's not to say that I haven't been keeping up with things here - I have. It's just that I found that I'd got to a dead-end in my thinking on the problem of the psychopath and his prey. After some reflection I believe that I've better handle on the issues and am ready to start participating again. It may be that a book comes out of all this - who know? Thanks to Donna for her patience and encouragement.] Steve Becker raised the issue of psychopaths in movies a few months ago - I'd like to raise it again. I've been watching the second series of the TV show 'Dexter'. For those who don't know it, Dexter is a …
Overcoming barriers to moving on with adult development
A relationship with a sociopath occurs within the context of a person's life. People do not stop growing and developing after adolescence. In fact, adult development is lifelong. Developmental psychologists say that early adulthood is the time that people come to grips with their needs for intimacy, love and friendship. Once this developmental dilemma of “intimacy versus isolation” is addressed, mid life adults move on to the “generativity versus stagnation” phase. Mid life is the time when people build their lives and contribute meaningfully to society. In this phase, adults seek satisfaction through productivity in career, family, and civic interests. Generative adults create a path to …
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