How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Domestic violence is not a battle of the sexes, it’s a battle against sociopaths

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Back in June, a New Jersey judge declared the state's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act to be unconstitutional. Judge Francis B. Schultz, of the Superior Court in Hudson County, determined that it was too easy for someone who claimed domestic violence to get a restraining order. The ruling was controversial. When I first read about the case, I was astounded that a court would take such a stand against domestic violence victims. Sandy Clark, associate director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, considers New Jersey's law to be among the best in the country, according to NJ.com. New Jersey's law The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act is strict. Some of its provisions …

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Speaking up after the sociopath is gone.

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It was just a name in the subject line of an email. I knew the name. How could I forget it? It was the name of the man who had betrayed my trust and my love for the four years nine months of our relationship. Curious, I opened the email and read the words of a woman whose daughter's girlfriend is engaged to a man named ”˜Jack' (not his real name). I think he's the same man you knew, she wrote. I read your website and the article from when your book was published. Do you have a picture? I wrote back and told her I had burnt every picture I had of him. She sent me one by return email. Is this the same man? I'm really scared for my daughter's safety. Conrad and my daughter's friend h …

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Are all psychopaths/sociopaths criminals and are all criminals sociopaths?

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When Donna and I talked with Dr. Hare last week, he addressed the question of whether or not all psychopaths are criminals. He also sent us a paper he wrote on this topic. He said that it is possible for a person to score high on the PCL-R and not have an arrest record and not to have committed felonious crimes. He insisted, though, that “antisocial behavior” is central to the disorder and is found in all people who score highly on the PCL-R. The paper he wrote has the following quote regarding Dr. Hervey Cleckley, the psychiatrist who wrote the first book describing psychopathy. Cleckley (1976) noted that he was “in complete accord” with the description of the psychopath as “simply a(n) a …

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Forgiveness and the psychopath

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Ox Drover For my whole life I felt that I could never measure up because I was expected to “pretend it never happened” in order to meet my mother's definition of the word “forgive.” I was expected to trust the person who had hurt me in the past, and who I knew would hurt me again in the future. I was told by religious leaders, whom I trusted, that if I did not “pretend it didn't happen” and “truly forgive,” I was bound for an eternal residence in hellfire and brimstone. Many of us who are Christians know the various Bible passages that say, in essence, we m …

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McGreevey divorce reveals court’s approach to high-conflict cases

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At some point, anyone married to a sociopath is—or should be—headed for divorce. Once the legal proceedings start, they will be brutal, bloody and expensive. The New Jersey Superior Court just released the verdict in the divorce of James E. McGreevey, former governor, and his wife, Dina Matos McGreevey. You may remember this case. On August 12, 2004, Governor James McGreevey held a press conference and announced to the world that he was a "gay American," and he would resign from office because of an alleged affair with a male aide. He hadn't bothered to tell his wife about his sexual orientation until about three days before the press conference. At his insistence, Matos stood beside him a …

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Why don’t people get it about sociopaths/psychopaths?

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Two weeks ago I started a series on the treatment of sociopathy/psychopathy. That series was interrupted by the need to discuss the case of the con man who kidnapped his daughter. Now it looks like he also may be implicated in the disappearance of a California couple. The con man, like many in his profession has had a number of different identities. Before I go back to talking about treatment, I want to discuss con artists and the nature of sociopathy/psychopathy again. Donna and I had the good fortune to speak with Dr. Robert Hare this week. I wanted to talk with him about the fact that there is not much in the scientific literature linking psychopathy to con artistry. In that …

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Kidnapping case exposes need for society to learn about psychopaths

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Reigh Storrow Mills Boss, the 7-year-old girl allegedly kidnapped by her father, Clark Rockefeller, has been safely reunited with her mother, Sandra Boss. Last Thursday, I received a phone call from an ABC News reporter who wanted information about women who marry con men. At that point, I knew nothing about the case. The girl's mother had just released a video appeal to the father of the child, pleading for her safe return. But I did know about marrying a con man. After speaking to the reporter for about 30 minutes, I put her in touch with Dr. Liane Leedom and two Lovefraud readers who were willing to be interviewed. Here's the story: How do smart women get taken by con men? The …

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Con man kidnaps daughter from supervised visitation

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It is already Friday and the daughter of Sandra L. Boss has been missing since Sunday when she was abducted from supervised visitation by her father a con artist. On behalf of other victims of love fraud, I want to tell Sandra that we are praying for her and her daughter. We also understand how an intelligent, loving, successful person can be duped. Sandra L. Boss asks for return of daughter Last night Sandra appeared before the cameras to ask that her former husband return the child, age 7. To see the video visit ABC News. She gave the following message: "Clark, although many things have changed, you will always be Reigh's father and I will always be Reigh's mother,We both love her …

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Welcome Steve Becker, LCSW, as a regular Lovefraud author

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Since January, Steve Becker, a licensed clinical social worker and certified hypnotherapist, has been submitting guest columns to Lovefraud. His articles have been insightful looks at pathological personalities. I'm sure you remember them: Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths Psychopaths' cat and mouse game (my personal favorite) The borderline personality as transient sociopath Heeding the exploiter's earliest warnings It's not weakness, but lack of clarity, that exposes us to an exploiter Getting inside the head of the abusive mentality Steve has a private therapy practice based in Westfield, New Jersey, USA. He works with adults, couples, adolescents and …

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After the sociopath, hard-learned truths

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Before I became entangled with the sociopath, I was an avid consumer of self-help books and programs. Although I was successful in my career, I could not get the relationship thing to work. This, of course, was the vulnerability exploited by the sociopath I married, but I get ahead of myself. In my quest for answers—Why was I alone? Why couldn't I find love?—I once participated in a weekend seminar called "Understanding Yourself and Others." After some initial skepticism, I found the program to be helpful. One of the things I remember from the weekend is a pithy little motto: "The truth will set you free—but first it will piss you off." In reference to sociopaths, truer words were never sp …

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