Perhaps you’ve had the following experience: Your new beau showered you with so much attention and affection that you fell in love. Then, slowly or quickly, your partner became deceitful, mean, disparaging and maybe even violent. You were shocked, angry and heartbroken, so you distanced yourself. But after a while, your memory of the bad behavior faded, and you just thought of the good times. You still love the abuser and want to reunite. How is this possible? When your romantic partner lies, cheats, betrays, exploits or abuses you, how can you ever forget that, and why would you return for more? The explanation is rooted in biology. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor …
When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws
By Eleanor Cowan This is how the bad behavior looked then: The first time Leah didn’t show up for dinner, I was a little hurt. When I called, she offered profuse, sincere apologies — she’d forgotten to check her agenda book, she said. “Okay,” I said, “Grab a cab. I’ll keep our meal warm.” No, that couldn’t happen either because she was just about to see a client. Again, sincere apologies. The second time, grateful to Leah for lending her car to my daughter for a driving lesson, I prepared her favourite, an eggplant stir fry on Jasmine rice. Again, she didn’t come. “Leah! Your delicious meal is on the table. Where are you?” Again, genuine apologies. She was maxed “beyond hu …
More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’
For years, the conventional wisdom in the mental health field was that psychopaths “burn out,” or engage in less antisocial behavior, after age 40. This is stated as fact in multiple psychiatry textbooks. But my research, published in a peer-reviewed journal in 2022, indicates psychopaths do not burn out. A new scientific paper validates my conclusions. Why should you care? Because if you’re dealing with someone who has psychopathic traits, chances are slim to none that this person will change for the better. If you’re seeing lies, manipulation, cruelty and abuse, it will continue. If he or she is taking advantage of you or others, that will also continue. Now, maybe you think tha …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Losing the fear of What Ifs
Editor's Note: This is another email from the Lovefraud reader whom we're calling “Adelle.” She previously contributed, Are you seeing someone else? This time she relates the freedom that comes with losing the fear of What Ifs. I finally left my SP and like the alka-seltzer commercial used to say, “Oh what a relief it is.” My decision to leave was made a long time ago. Today I thought to myself, “Why didn't I do this sooner?” I didn't do it sooner because of fear, of course. I had so many “What Ifs?” I never questioned whether it was in my best interest, I knew it was. The “What Ifs?” were in reference to him. What if he contacts my friends and tries to make me look bad? What if he …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #3: Sexual magnetism
Great sex. Many people who have slept with a sociopath say it was the best sex they ever had. I surveyed Lovefraud readers for my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and 78 percent said "sexual magnetism" was characteristic of their relationship. Why is that? First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. Secondly, sociopaths are frequently good lovers. Rating sex with sociopaths People who have had sex with sociopaths almost always rave about it. "Swept off my feet by the most intense sexual experience," wrote one respondent to the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. The sentiment was echoed over and over again. I asked, "If you had sex wi …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I provided her a road map to my life
Editor's Note: The following post was written by a Lovefraud reader who comments as RobertinSeattle. He realized that in providing detailed answers in an online profile, he provided a female predator with a road map to his life. Boy, I've started and re-started this post several times. Each time, a new idea or thought comes up that changes what I want to convey in my first open post about a recent breakup that started from a popular online dating site. But let me start off with some general observations: I've noted on many websites and blogs that sociopaths make up anywhere from 1% - 4% of our society. And that male sociopaths outnumber females by as many as 8-to-1. While I might agree …
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The hard truth: Evil sociopaths exist
Our society rarely talks about evil. There’s little discussion of morality, and even less of its opposite — wickedness. As a result, we don’t know that evil sociopaths exist, so we don’t know to protect ourselves from them. I can’t tell you how many times people told me, while relating their awful stories of being deceived and betrayed, “I didn’t know people like this existed.” They do. So why is there no discussion? Why don’t we know about evil sociopaths? I can think of two reasons, one related to cultural change, and the other to confusion about terminology. Cultural change When I first started my career in the early 1980s, the term “politically correct” came into vogue. The …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What would you do and what would you think?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Maryjane." She describes a lifetime of abuse from her family members, and asks 'what would you do?' If your husband, whom you found out had affairs all during your marriage, had a child with his secretary, paid her hush money, came on to your mother, grandmother, and another sister, told you that he had an affair with your sister during the time frame that you were readying for divorce, would you believe him? Also, this man gambled away most all the money in the marriage on football and golf betting (at a country club that you were the member of, not him, as he ran up bills) and was an alcoholic. And …
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Discernment of sociopaths as preventive naturopathic medicine
By Dr. Laura Rubiales Today I want to talk to you about a concept most people don’t want to breach. Evil exists. Most health coaches and naturopathic doctors talk about healthy lifestyle choices to create health. I am here to educate you on a major one to prevent major health issues: Discerning and setting boundaries with sociopaths… In her book, The Sociopath Next Door by Harvard trained psychologist Dr. Martha Stout, she discusses the Law of 3’s: If you catch a person in three lies, don’t trust them with your heart or your money. The premise of it is that if they are caught in three lies, odds are they have no conscience and are likely a sociopa …
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3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in life
Perhaps you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s — and you have just come to the shocking realization that you have a sociopath in your life. Maybe even multiple sociopaths. So you wonder — why did you encounter a sociopath later in life? I have three answers for this question. One is about awareness, another is about life stages and the last is about healing purpose. Awareness of sociopaths I am willing to bet that sociopaths were always in your life — you just didn’t know it. By sociopaths, I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder. (The original definition of “sociopath” was “anything deviated or …
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