Lovefraud Blog

How Feeling Unlovable Leads to a Need for Perfection

August 9, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// 4 Comments

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains how she developed a need for perfection based in fear, and how she let it go. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest I've been a perfectionist about many things in my life and thankfully, have let go of most of that tendency. The need for perfection came from a massive fear of failure. And the massive fear of failure came from a deeply rooted belief that I was not lovable. If I could just be good enough, I would be worthy of love. Of course, that wasn't in my conscious mind but that's what was going on. Being taken from my birth mother after bonding with her, …

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Bullying and harassment in an Episcopal Church

August 8, 2021 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story of sociopathic harassment in an Episcopal Church, endured, amazingly, by one of the church’s leaders. Names are changed. My name’s Benjamin, and my same-sex spouse and I are the victims of a sociopath. Even worse, the sociopath is the priest who married us. My story begins with a well-known Episcopal church. When I arrived there in 2011, it was love at first sight. People were friendly and welcoming, and the church beautiful. Even better the rector, whom we’ll call Dave (not his real name), was personable and gave a great sermon. It wasn’t long before I was asked to run for the vestry, which is the board of directors in an Epis …

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Turn the Other Cheek? Not on Your Life.

August 2, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains why is is a bad idea to turn the other cheek, and a better idea to stand up for yourself. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest I'll tell you, straight up, I do not believe in turning the other cheek. I'm not so sure they mean it in the Bible, either, because somewhere in there it says, "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." Although to be honest, that isn't the only contradiction in the Bible. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about the Bible, as I'm not a Christian—although that's not why I don't believe in turning the other cheek. The thing is, I s …

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Sociopaths say they want love, but what they really want is supply

August 1, 2021 // by Donna Andersen// 32 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Suzette." She can't understand why sociopaths say they want love, when their behavior is not at all loving. It's strange, my brother (who I have no doubt in my mind is a sociopath), craves being loved. He bounces from relationship to relationship, using his girlfriends. Yet when he screws up, and has his girlfriend threaten to leave him, he acts so desperate! Desperate for human connection. He tells me that he can't live without love in his life, and that he NEEDS a girlfriend by his side. I don't understand this. He's a drug addict, and he uses his girlfriends for support - and before he had any …

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The Need to Lie Fallow: Taking a Healing Break

July 26, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// 2 Comments

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, reminds us that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. We need to lie fallow and recover. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest Day after day, she gives without reward. From deep within, she creates. We do not understand the miracle, yet New Life draws nourishment from her, springs forth from her, and she nourishes again. She is driven, relentless, compelled to be the Giver of Life. In silence, she persists, oblivious to her exhaustion, to the harsh storms and to those who would take advantage, ravaging, using, demanding. Still, day after day, she gives …

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After the Sociopath, It’s Good to Indulge Yourself

July 19, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, encourages you to indulge yourself. You'll feel better — especially after you've given up so much for the sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest Abstinence makes the heart grow fungus. Okay, that's not exactly how the saying goes. But it makes my point. abstinence, noun (ab-stuh-nuhns) 1. forbearance from any indulgence of appetite, especially from the use of alcoholic beverages: eg. total abstinence. 2. any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance. So...that sounds like a whole lotta fun. Not. So what's the point? Well, I suppose a little s …

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Moral dilemma: Warning the next victim

July 18, 2021 // by Donna Andersen// 59 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call Alfred. The subject line of his email was, "A moral obligation?" I'm two years removed from the brutal break-up with my ex-spath and all in all, can say I'm doing quite well and have recovered nicely! It was a LONG journey to get to the place I'm at and it's a relief to be there after two years of continual obsessing and ruminating - I've finally reached the point where I just don't care anymore. The shock of what I had in my life for 14 years has finally dissipated - the last emotion to go. That being said, I know I still have some work to do on myself as evidenced by my need to periodically check-up …

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Breaking Toxic Relationship Patterns

July 12, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, offers suggestions on breaking toxic relationship patterns by looking closely at your beliefs — especially those that do not support you. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest Have you found yourself getting into relationships with sociopaths or others who are toxic or unhealthy in some way? If so, you are so not alone. It's human nature to repeat patterns of behaviour, especially when it involves an unresolved emotional issue that's lying there for us to trip over again and again. It's not even a conscious choice. It's like we're on auto-pilot with old tapes p …

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Why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive

July 11, 2021 // by Donna Andersen// 196 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Time and time again, when I do personal consultations, people tell me how they struggle to break away from a relationship with a sociopath. It is not your imagination. It's hard to get away. Let me help you understand why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive. You know the involvement is bad for you. But even when you're not forced to interact with the sociopath — you're not married, don't have kids with the person and don't work together — you can't cut the cord. There are psychological and biological reasons for this, which I'll explain. Psychological bond Any time two human beings enter into a relationship, a psychological love bond forms. This bond b …

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In Recovery: Why It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

July 5, 2021 // by Liberty Forrest// 1 Comment

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains why it gets worse before it gets better when you start your recovery from the sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest You know how it is when you look around your house and realise it needs a good cleaning? And then you realise it needs a good clearing out, too? You start thinking of everything that's stashed away in drawers and cupboards, the basement, the attic, shelves and closets, you just know there's a ton of "stuff" that could stand a good going through. And you think, "Oh, man, what a lot of work," and it's not fun, but it really ought to be …

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eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Happy Sunday Donna, and I am not surprised based on the story of your ex that he may have been…”
Donna Andersen on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Hi Joanie — thanks for this article! My ex was a complete pack rat. I converted my basement into an…”
Donna Andersen on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “Emilie 18 posted the following comment in the Forum. Eleanor Cowen posted a beautifully said piece in the Blog about…”