I just spent two and a half wonderful weeks in Italy with my husband, Terry Kelly. We gave ourselves the trip for our 20th wedding anniversary. It was the trip of a lifetime, and multiple times in the first few days I said to Terry, “I can’t believe we’re here.” The art was astonishing, the food was delicious, and the people were warm and friendly. The entire time, my heart felt full. It was a feeling that I hope all Lovefraud readers can experience, even after a run-in with a sociopath. Rome, Naples and Sicily We spent five days in Rome, five days in Naples and five days in Acireale, Sicily. In Rome we saw the major sites — the Colosseum, Vatican Museum, Sistin …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #1: Charisma and charm
Because the word "sociopath" is often used to describe criminals and murderers, you may expect these people to have angry, foul temperaments, and they often do. But that comes later, after they have their hooks in you. When you first meet them, many sociopaths have an attractive, appealing energy about them. They demonstrate their interest in you through lavish attention, flattery and kindness. That’s why the first Red Flag of Love Fraud is, “Charisma and charm.” My second book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, reveals the tactics of social predators who pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. There’s a lot more understanding of a …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Layers of shame and guilt
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional about the layers of shame and guilt that she feels. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack …
Manipulation, victim-blaming and deeper meaning
When so-called experts explain what makes people susceptible to manipulation, it often sounds like victim-blaming. But in many cases, like mine, these mainstream explanations may not completely explain what happened. Yes, the person doing the manipulating has bad intentions, but there may actually be a deeper meaning for the person who is manipulated. Wikipedia on psychological manipulation A Lovefraud reader once sent me a link from Wikipedia on the topic of psychological manipulation. The article reflected mainstream expert views on how people engage in psychological manipulation and why their targets fall for it. I’m fine with Wikipedia’s descriptions of what manipulators do. But …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mother as sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: The following email was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "OpalRose" about her sociopathic mother. I'm not a good writer, but I've learned so much the past 3 years from Love Fraud that I decided to write about my “Long Night's Journey into Day” about emerging from childhood with a sociopathic mother. My first experience of something amiss that stuck with me was probably pre-school when she had a full-blown temper tantrum that I brought her too many envelopes. She had asked for “a few envelopes” and I had brought 7 — she even counted them out and screamed that I should know that “a few” means 3. So much for my ability to read minds. She insisted t …
10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath
You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. Then it all fell apart. What does this mean? I’m going to explain 10 appalling facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want to. It started when your charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath. Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you a …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Partners in an unhealthy dance
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a woman who posts as Willow888. She wrote about her unhealthy dance with a sociopath. I recently started to work through the awful morass of feelings that follow an interaction with a disordered person. These people are such deceptive and expert manipulators they can apparently draw in even the healthiest of partners, partly because their behavior is beyond normal imagining and experience. Just as we're taught to drive a car defensively, to suppose that every other driver is asleep at the wheel, we could still get taken unawares by a driver who aims at us head on, deliberately. That we wouldn't necessarily be …
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20 Issues to consider before taking a sociopath to court
UPDATED FOR 2025. If you share children with a sociopath, you may have seen the other parent be negligent, or even abusive, toward the kids. Concerned for their wellbeing, you may be thinking about going to court to reduce his or her access. Is this a good idea? Today I’m going to explain 20 issues that you should seriously consider before taking a sociopath to court. Lovefraud once received the following email: I was previously married to a sociopath, and we have a 4-year old son together. I have sole legal and physical custody of our son, but have been fighting to reduce the amount of visitation for quite some time. I recently read that having a forensic p …
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FREE introduction to ‘Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse’
UPDATED FOR 2025 WITH NEW GROUP DISCUSSIONS. Lovefraud is pleased to announce new group discussions for our webinar series called, Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic stress, presented by Liane Leedom, M.D. How do you recover from the abuse and trauma inflicted by a narcissist, antisocial or psychopath? In this 13-session program, Dr. Leedom helps you develop the skills to clear your head, deal with stress, gain control of your emotions and create deal with sociopathic behavior. Get started with a FREE introductory session: FREE! Your first step towards real recovery from narcissistic abuse and trauma Highlights About Dr. Liane …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call Hilary, who wrote about how much we want to believe the romantic story. Names are changed. The night before I met Nick, I had a vivid nightmare. I lost sight of a caring man in a chaotic crowd, a baby was murdered, and I was poisoned. I awoke and heard, "Wait for the right one. Don't try to save him. You'll ruin yourself and your future." The thought was so pervasive that, although I was perplexed, I wrote it down. The following afternoon, I met Nick (with whom I'd connected on a dating site) on his boat at the local marina, and an afternoon sail turned into an “accidental” dinner wit …