Lovefraud Blog

Fraud at first sight — seduced by a sociopathic woman and her parents

September 20, 2019 // by Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP// 2 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud — Sophocles Sociopaths scramble their target’s ability to discern the truth about how a situation or person could potentially be dangerous. Our brains are designed to notice patterns, and make decisions based on the anticipation of these patterns. Because the sociopath confuses the target with lies and alternate kind/cruel behaviors, it becomes nearly impossible for the target to identify that carefully constructed façade that hides the true self, which in reality, is an empty vessel with no identity. Let us consider “Michael,” a tough military guy trained to detect danger. Michael meets Lucy …

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Is he a sociopath or am I the toxic person?

September 19, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Carolina." I am completely confused about what actually happened and what is going on. I recently broke up with my boyfriend — we have been on and off for the past 18 years — I met him when I was 10 years old. He made me think he was the perfect man. And that he was loyal honest trustworthy sincere caring my soul mate. I'm not a perfect person — I have made mistakes — but he always made me feel secure. I was really dependent on him — he was my whole world. I've always tried to self-evaluate and fix my behavior and I've always been open about talking to him about everything and anything and I thought he …

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Book Review: The psychopaths of the Holocaust

September 16, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Holocaust Memories: A survey of Holocaust memoirs, histories, novels, and films, by Claudia Moscovici Review by Donna Andersen Most of us have some knowledge of the Holocaust. We've heard about the concentration camps and gas chambers. We know one of Adolf Hitler's objectives during World War II was the "Final Solution" — an attempt to wipe out the Jewish population of Europe. We know that six million Jews were murdered, plus millions more Communists, prisoners of war, gypsies, intellectuals, handicapped people and others. We may have seen movies like Schindler's List and Sophie's Choice. Maybe we read The Diary of Anne Frank. But it's doubtful that we understand the true brutality o …

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Growing up in a narcissistic family—is it abuse?

September 13, 2019 // by Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP// 5 Comments

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED BSC/MT “Be who you were created to be, and you will set the world on fire”—St. Katherine of Siena Admitting abuse, especially by a family or family member, is extremely difficult. Families are supposed to be safe havens where you are loved unconditionally and respected as an individual. Being treated poorly is not normal. Those who are abused in families tend to make excuses for the abusers, especially abusive parents. To come to terms that abuse is taking place in your family is to admit the unthinkable, that you were never loved. So how can know you are part of a narcissistic family? What happens in a narcissistic family that makes it abusive? Please …

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Video: Finally, how to break your addiction to the sociopath

September 12, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/bQp2hwSCWMk"] For all of you who know intellectually that the sociopath is deceitful, abusive, dangerous and unhealthy — yet you struggle to put the person out of your life — this webinar is for you. EFT Tapping to Break Your Addiction to a Sociopath Wednesday, Sept. 25 • 8 - 9 pm ET Instructor: Stacey Vornbrock, MS, LPC You are not imagining your addiction. Stacey Vornbrock, a licensed professional counselor and expert on EFT tapping, explains how your cells really are addicted to certain emotions — emotions that the sociopath is an expert at triggering. This is amazing stuff. These techniques will enable you to finally get the sociopath out of …

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15 typical crises sociopaths create in our lives — and how to start your recovery

September 9, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Sociopaths can drain us of everything we've got. By the time many of us understand that we're dealing with a human predator, we look around and realize that we are depleted in many areas of our lives. Here are 15 typical crises caused by sociopaths: Our money is gone. We are heavily in debt and our credit is gone. Our housing situation is perilous — we are homeless, in danger of becoming homeless, or stuck living with the sociopath. We don't have reliable transportation. We're not working — the sociopath promised to support us, or we're working for the sociopath, or we are so stressed that we can't work. We've been isolated from family and friends. The sociopath has …

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Podcast: California con woman defrauds her Kiwi husband and his family

September 5, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Love fraud is the theme of the latest true crime podcast created by ABC (Australia). Snowball tells the story of the fast-talking, charismatic California woman, Lezlie Manukian, who seduced, married and then swindled Greg Wards, a young man from New Zealand, and his family. The story was investigated by Ollie Wards, Greg's brother, who traveled the world to interview people who knew, and in some cases were also defrauded by, the seductive predator. In 2006, Ollie’s brother Greg was backpacking in London when he fell head-over-heels in love with Lezlie. They set up a new life in New Zealand, but only months after their showy wedding, things turned sour. Lezlie vanished from Greg’s lif …

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Narcissism — exploiting the tenets of love for personal gain

September 4, 2019 // by Lovefraud Reader// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Frederick19." When you yourself are controlled by outside forces that you yourself have allowed inside … are you still responsible? If those forces wrestle and usurp your very mind because what you thought was just innocent fun at the time, but now you have completely lost control of your spatial awareness and are now at the whims of what you have kowtowed too, are you responsible? Just because tragedy has befallen you, just because you yourself have made arguably some of the worst decisions a human being could ever make and as a result disaster has taken residence in your soul, do you think that is …

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I was one day away from sending money to the scammer

September 2, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Clara19." I was contacted through Pinterest. The thumbnail picture was a military man...seemed safe enough to chat. Went very interested in a romantic relationship too quickly. I got daily texted graphics proclaiming his love for me. This started to break my caution down. After a few weeks he started mentioning he needed money. He was on an oil rig and ran short of funds to pay shipping costs and I should sent 12,800 dollars to him. He gave me 3 different places to sent money over the course of a week. My bank thought it was fraudulent. I did further online research and found the scammers had …

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Dating apps lead to stronger marriages — really?

September 2, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 7 Comments

In the most recent issue of the Wall Street Journal (August 31, 2019), an essay extolls the miracle of dating apps. I read it with skepticism. Dating apps are making marriages stronger, by Dr. Peggy Drexler, on WSJ.com. To read the full article, you need to be a Wall Street Journal subscriber. So if you're not a subscriber, here's a summary: Research shows, according to the author, that online dating leads to better romantic compatibility and stronger marriages. In 2013, a University of Chicago study found that couples who met online had a higher "relationship quality" and a 25% lower rate of separation and divorce. The study also found that anonymous online communication …

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eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Happy Sunday Donna, and I am not surprised based on the story of your ex that he may have been…”
Donna Andersen on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Hi Joanie — thanks for this article! My ex was a complete pack rat. I converted my basement into an…”
Donna Andersen on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “Emilie 18 posted the following comment in the Forum. Eleanor Cowen posted a beautifully said piece in the Blog about…”