Lovefraud Blog

Tuesday Aug. 14: Forgiving yourself for falling for the sociopath

August 9, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Lovefraud is proud and honored to be hosting a webinar with Travis Vining next week: Self-Forgiveness: Understanding and letting go of guilt Tuesday, August 14, 2018 • 8-9 pm ET • $25 Click for more info Travis will be addressing an important issue that I know many of us struggle with — overcoming our anger at ourselves for our involvement with the sociopath. I know that when I finally realized that everything I believed about my disordered ex-husband was a lie, and that my entire marriage had been nothing but a financial scam, the person I was most angry with was myself. I wish Travis had been around for me to talk to back then. In his caring, easy-going way, Travis would have …

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Watch online: He Lied About Everything

August 8, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

I just watched the documentary He Lied About Everything, available online at InvestigationDiscovery.com. It's the story of Benita Alexander, who as a NBC News producer, was seduced and scammed by Dr. Paolo Macchiarini, a world-famous surgeon. I think Benita was incredibly brave in telling her story. While the good doctor was love bombing her, they both recorded plenty of videos. Benita, I'm sure, thought she was recording her fairytale romance. I don't know what was in Macchiarini's mind, because he obviously knew his whole involvement was a fake, so essentially what he recorded was evidence of his psychopathy. But viewers see the whole story, from the initial sparks to the ov …

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No clear motives in Las Vegas and Aurora, Colorado mass shootings

August 7, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

James Holmes killed 12 people and wounded 58 others during the midnight showing of a Batman movie in the Aurora, Colorado movie theater. Steven Paddock killed 58 people and wounded 800 who were attending a country music festival in Las Vegas, Nevada. Both of these cases were in the news recently as experts said they do not have a clear motive in either of the two mass shootings. Holmes is serving a life sentence for the shooting, which took place on July 20, 2012. One of the court-appointed psychiatrists who interviewed him has just come out with a book, A Dark Night in Aurora: Inside James Holmes and the Colorado Mass Shootings. The other court-appointed doctor, Jeffrey L. Metzer, …

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Advice for dating again after the sociopath

August 6, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 13 Comments

Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …

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Quora: How psychopaths/sociopaths view the world

August 3, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

The question was asked on Quora, and self-described psychopaths and sociopaths are responding. If you want to get a better understanding of how they think, read it in their own words. Here are some gems: "I see a world drowned by an emotional sea which I can observe, and recognize, but never feel. I watch this current sweep over the neurotypical world, causing all sorts of thoughts and behaviors which make so little sense to me that I might as well be an alien. I am able to predict some of the resulting repercussions, but for the most part, the reactions people have to this world of emotional illusion is well beyond reason. It is mass delusion and insanity, and because the majority rules, …

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Woman talks of escaping Danueal Drayton, possible Tinder serial killer

August 2, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Danueal Drayton, 27, was arrested on suspicion of brutally slaying a nurse from Queens, New York, whom he met on Tinder. He was arrested while holding another woman hostage in North Hollywood, California, and confessed to six other slayings. Zynea Barney, 26, said she met him last November. Her description of their involvement reveals multiple strategies typically employed by sociopaths: Continuous pursuit Asking about her goals and dreams Interested in what she had to say Pretended to have similarities Constant contact When she broke it off, he begged her to take him back Now Drayton is claiming "voices" made him commit the murders. Just like a sociopath. Ex-con …

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With the sociopath, I kept my mouth shut — not anymore

August 1, 2018 // by Eleanor Cowan// 1 Comment

By Eleanor Cowan A 1929 Depression-era humorist, Andrew Glasow, once wrote, “Improvement begins with I,” and this week, I noted an example of my progress. On Tuesday, I filled out a feedback form about a costly senior health program I attended. I complained that our well-paid lecturers felt entitled to consume 96 minutes of our time to detail their personal histories of living overseas, the languages they’d learned so quickly, and the distinguished academic careers of their high-achieving children – none of which was on the agenda. Annoyed, I chose not to return to the afternoon segment. That evening, an attendee, Ted, called to say that only the last scrunchy 25 minutes of the worksho …

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Sheriff and his female deputy have an affair; now they’re charged with multiple felonies

July 31, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 5 Comments

Jennifer Tomaszewski, 38, scored a job as a jailer in Texas County, Missouri, hired by the sheriff at the time, James Sigman. Tomaszewski and Sigman soon began an affair. Seven months later, she is promoted, and the whole sheriff's department starts falling apart. Now both Tomaszewski and Sigman are charged with felonies, including assault, robbery, harassment, child endangerment and unlawful use of a weapon. It sounds like someone is disordered — maybe him, maybe her, maybe both. Former Missouri sheriff, deputy had affair, now indicted on multiple felonies, on FoxNews.com. …

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Forget the checklist — after the sociopath pay attention to how YOU feel in a new relationship

July 30, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 8 Comments

When you're romantically involved with a sociopath, sooner or later your entire relationship falls apart. The level of destruction may differ, but the bottom line is the same for all of these involvements: There never was a relationship — everything you thought you had was built on lies. You're devastated. But if you follow Lovefraud's advice and allow yourself sufficient time to process and recover from the experience, eventually another opportunity for romance will come your way. Still, you may feel gun shy. You were completely deceived before. How can you be sure it won't happen again? The Lovefraud reader, "Slimone," posted a comment recently that I believe is absolutely terrific a …

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10 years of hope and heartbreak with a sociopathic woman, Part 3

July 29, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// 4 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Trevor." Read Part 1 and Part 2. About two months into this and things seemed great with her. We went on a date and when we got back to my place she asked if I had noticed this old shipping crate that they used for decoration in the bar we had been to. I told her yes, and she asked if I seen one in my travels to get one for her as she had been looking for one for her home. I told her I happened to have a few in my flea market items and went to my shop to get her one. When I returned with the crate she loved it, was just what she had been looking for so I gave it to her, We went inside my place and out of …

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Donna Andersen on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “As a kid I saw the original animated movies like “Snow White” and “Sleeping Beauty.” I don’t remember hoping that…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Hi Emilie yes what women want most is love and attention so the easiest way to either con women or…”
emilie18 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Mom used to read the original old fairy tales and stories to us – and when Disney movies came out…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “YES you are right the old fairy tales and legends and lores understand evil and how evil is part of…”
Donna Andersen on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Interestingly enough, the old fairy tales taught many of those lessons about evil. Does anyone read them to kids anymore?”