How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Dr. James Kauffman: military fraud and drug dealer, hired a hit man to murder his wife

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A few weeks ago, ABC 20/20 broadcast a show about the murder of April Kauffman in 2012. Last year, her husband, Dr. James Kauffman, was charged with hiring a hit man to shoot her in their home. In January, James Kauffman hanged himself while in prison awaiting trial. The crime took place in Linwood, New Jersey, which is practically in my back yard, so I've been reading the news coverage for years. I began to suspect that the good doctor was a psychopath early on — when he remarried shortly after his wife's death and tried to collect on her insurance policy. Yesterday, a new story came out — James Kauffman had claimed to be a military hero, serving in the Vietnam war. Apparently that's o …

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In honor of her murdered cousin, Dr. Amber Ault offers a deal on ‘The Five Step Exit’ book

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Editor's note: Dr. Amber Ault is a Lovefraud contributor and author of "The Five Step Exit: Skills You Need to Leave a Psychopath, Narcissist, or Other Toxic Partner and Recover Your Happiness Now." Dear Donna, It’s been a year this month since the brutal murder of my second cousin, Linnea Satterfield, by her ex-partner. Sensitive to the possible impact on your readers of sharing the horrific details, I won’t recount them here. I will say, however, that the circumstances are familiar: the toxic ex had a history of violence against women before he and my cousin became involved; theirs was a relationship reported to be contentious; and she had recently ended it. She was killed after sh …

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How to overcome your addiction to sociopaths

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Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we'll call "Peggy Sue." I feel hopeless. I'm a target for sociopaths, or I'm addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused every way possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated. I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I'm gonna end up dead by him or killing myself. I have been to therapy they all just say move out and leave. I can't — t …

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While I was at work, my fiancé was coming in my home, packing up his stuff, preparing to ghost me

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Marjorie18." I was engaged for three years to a very handsome retired master sergeant in the Air Force. He had two boys the same age as my two boys. We lived together in my home until this Good Friday, March 30, 2018. He had been moving things out of my house into a storage unit because after his divorce, naturally, he had a lot of stuff that he needed to store and most of that came to my house. He had several vehicles, including a car trailer full of stuff, and then my garage was full of his stuff. So when he started moving things into storage, it was under the guise of wanting to put a collectible …

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Her daughter’s wedding should be a time of joy, but her ex is causing havoc

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "Elle." In 2014, my youngest daughter and I got a restraining order against my husband at the time due to violent rages and terrifying behavior he was exhibiting. Of course he would profess to our older 2 daughters he did nothing and we were lying … this is a man who NEVER took any responsibility for his behavior and was then and still is a pathological liar. At a divorce proceeding in April 2017, in spite of the restraining order in effect, he violated the order and I went to the police. He came after my daughter and I in the parking lot in a terrifying, arms flailing, cocky and belligerent manner sa …

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Annapolis shooter Jarrod Ramos—something’s wrong, but he may not be a sociopath

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On Thursday, Jarrod W. Ramos, 38, burst into the offices of the Capital Gazette newspaper in Annapolis, Maryland and shot five employees dead. This tragic situation began as a stalking case. Here are the details: In 2009, Ramos found a former high school classmate on Facebook. The woman didn't remember Ramos, but Googled him, discovered they were, in fact, classmates, and she was cordial to him. Ramos escalated, began stalking her, and the woman finally pressed charges. Ramos pleaded guilty to criminal harassment and received 90-day suspended sentence and 18 months of probation. The Capital Gazette published an article about the case on July 31, 2011. Ramos didn't like the article, and …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Since this experience, I’ve been afraid to love again

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Shania." Names have been changed. My comments are at the end of the letter. I'm a 20-year-old girl and I had an experience with a sociopath, or so I think he was one. This traumatic experience actually gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. A few years ago, in my senior year of high school, I started to talk to this boy in my class named Mark. Everyone loved him; he was the most popular guy in my school. He was really good at talking to people, had the charm, very funny, always knew what to say. I first noticed a red flag before we started dating. Out of nowhere, Mark came over to me and cut off a …

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Quora: What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?

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The following question was posed on Quora: "What's it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?" The woman who asked the question included commentary about sociopaths, some of which I disagree with. For example, she said, "Sometimes you see even the most terrifying sociopaths get out of prison and go on to have their own children who they do not mistreat, and actually like." Actually, sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children, so even if they don't beat their kids, they'll probably inflict psychological and emotional abuse. But what makes this Quora thread really interesting is not the question, but the answers. Several people who identified themselves …

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Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

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According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain's reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video. Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can't get what you want. So what happens when you fall in …

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Translating a sociopath’s text message as he attempts to hoover back his ex-wife

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Editor's note: The following article was sent to Lovefraud by a reader whom we'll call "Maura." My friend Annie was sent this text from her sociopathic ex. Three and half years ago, he abandoned her and their sons after a 17-year marriage. No doubt other readers have had similar hoover texts, and either ignored them or fell for them. For entertainment and education purposes, we’ve analysed his standard manipulative ploys and use of charm to break down her defences and weasel his foot in the door. On the surface his text seems contrite and genuine enough. However, he is a sociopath who will do and say anything to lure her back in. The bottom line — it is all a con and he wants to exert c …

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