How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don't know they exist. We don't know they live among us, so we don't watch out for them, so we get in trouble. Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we're talking about — because they don't know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed. If you're trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context: 1 . Approximately 40 million people in the United States — 12% of the pop …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina," a senior citizen who encountered a sociopath. I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story. To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune …

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Am I a sociopath magnet?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Kristinan32." Donna Andersen responds at the end of it. I've had a long history with NPDs and Sociopaths. Am I some sort of magnet? I am a caring individual, rescue animals, take care of people. Go figure. My daughter's father was one, the last guy I was with was one, up until he died. Two years later, I decided I've 'healed' somewhat after everything, and I see my old friend's brother on a social media site. I never really knew him, so I contacted him, out of the blue. So, we hit it off fast. This is unlike me, I don't take things fast. We talk, we get along, everything's fun and good. He tells …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it!

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader “Adelle.” We often hear the saying, “If the shoe fits wear it.” We all know people are not referring to a shoe. In other words, if the description fits you, own up to it. If someone calls you a fool, and you think you are a fool, then wear that title! If someone calls you a hypocrite and you agree, wear it, you are a hypocrite. But when this phrase is used, it isn't usually given to you as an option. It is usually used as a weapon of accusation. With evil, with intent to hurt. For example, “Are you calling me a liar?” Response: “Well, if the shoe fits wear it.” The person hearing this phrase is usu …

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12 Seduction strategies from the Sociopath Playbook

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Sociopaths tend to use all the same tactics while reeling in new romantic partners, as if they were all working from the same well-known reference manual. If you were able to find this playbook, written by an alpha sociopath for the benefit of the trainees, here are ploys it would include. 1 . Listen intently to your targets, staring into their eyes and hanging on their every word. This encourages them to keep talking — and everything they tell you can later be used as ammunition against them. 2. Call, text and email your targets frequently. They will interpret your constant attention as a sign that you are smitten with them, and will not notice that you are e …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence. ALL ALONE All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all "woe is me," the man who promised to love me lied. I can't find a friend and my own mother's phone doesn't work. All Alone, I'm crying on this floor. All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I've protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP. All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes. All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I loo …

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We really want you to feel better — and save money

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Dr. Liane Leedom and I have been where you are — crushed after betrayal by a sociopath. We know what it’s like to feel shocked, angry and brokenhearted. It’s awful, and we want you to feel better. So we’re inviting you join Dr. Leedom in her groundbreaking webinar series so you can truly overcome narcissistic abuse.  The program is called, Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic stress, presented by Dr. Liane Leedom.  Every Wednesday, from Sept. 25 to Dec. 18, Dr. Leedom will lead an interactive webinar. She will teach you how to overcome narcissistic abuse — yes, this is something you can learn to do. She’ll teach you mindfulness and stress …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Leaving the abuser, then expected to co-parent

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gloria." I have been divorced from my abusive husband (mental, physical, sexual against me but he NEVER LEFT A MARK ON ME) for 11 years and we have 3 teenagers together. I have known him 20 years. For most of this time, I have been puzzled about why I could not "move on" after the divorce. Yes, I left him. During the marriage I did not know the name "abusive," so I just kept trying to be a good wife and mother, fulfill my marriage commitment, etc., but then I woke up just enough to know that it was "abusive" and I left. We had gone to about 8 couples counselors during the marriage, a …

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Letter to Lovefraud: I’m looking on POF, but I’m scared to move forward

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who gives her pseudonym as “Erica.” I've been in love with a sociopath for 5 and a half years. He lives in Portland and I live here in Vegas so that has been a great thing, however he still haunts me and I'm trying to move on so I'm enclosing a profile from an online dating site and I'd like to get your opinion of the things that he says. I'm scared to move forward because I'm scared that I'll attract another one. I seem to be surrounded by narcissism and sociopathy and I'm tired and I'm scared and I lack trust to move forward. Donna please share my email on lovefraud.com so that I can get some feedback from other mem …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: They are everywhere and they inflict serious damage

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “Trista.” We previously posted her story, “LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was dismissed with a shrug.” Well, Trista's story continues. I have written to you long ago telling how my S husband destroyed my life. I would never think that I would meet another one, even worst than the first. I wonder why I attract those people. This is a sad story that is still now breaking my heart. I'm giving this to you and to the site. I'm writing from Brazil, where I moved after my divorce. The very first week here I was looking for a flat and someone told me about an estate agent who could help. I went to me …

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