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For children of sociopaths

Quelling is not coping — how my siblings and I dealt with our sociopathic mother

By Eleanor Cowan

In our family of ten children, our main objective was not to recognize the gross abnormalities of how we were treated, but to quell them. When a storm erupted, we’d leap into action. Unpredictable rages meant that we, Mother’s children, speedily grouped to control the situation and do as needed to quiet her distress and end the drama.

Lightning-fast signals fired between us: “Storm clouds overhead,” I’d say, or “Hurricane Warning!”

If Mother was revving up for a full-scale crackdown, “Earthquake! Earthquake!” would be whispered as we gathered our younger siblings to dash outside or hide in the basement.

Pawns: How psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists view their kids

Raised by narcissistPsychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists are incapable of love — even for their own children. According to Business Insider, Perpetua Neo, a psychologist who specializes in these personality disorders, says:

“Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths do not have a sense of empathy. They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone.”

Neo says that some of her clients were told by their disordered parents that, “The only reason I had you was so you could take care of me for the rest of your life.”

Why psychopaths cannot love their own children, according to a psychologist, on BusinessInsider.com.

How, as a child, I was groomed to be a people pleaser

By Eleanor Cowan

“Shut your big mouth and buzz off!” my mother exploded at me as she slammed a boiling hot cloth against my brother’s face – her cure for his chronic swollen acne.

“Do you know how much money your pimple treatment costs this family?” screamed mother. Pressing on another steaming square, she ignored Gordie’s pitiful cries. Slightly taller than my mother, my brother’s strong-muscled arms trembled at each side as tears streamed down his face.

A capable teenager, he could have landed her on the kitchen floor in an instant. Or, he could have run.

Forcing kids to bond with parents they don’t want to see

Sometimes, in high-conflict divorces, children do not want to have anything to do with one of their parents.

Many Lovefraud readers have seen their sociopathic ex-partners turn children away from them. They call it “parental alienation.”

But sometimes sociopathic parents fabricate claims of parental alienation in order to pry children away from the other parent. They claim the other parent is intentionally poisoning the kids against them, when, in fact, it is their own abusive behavior.

It can be very difficult to know what is going on and who is the abusive parent.

An inside look at sociopathic callousness and betrayal

Outraged blonde woman  with arms crossed on white backgroundIn a post on Yahoo!, here’s how a woman describes her mother:

She was a woman motivated solely by money and other shallow luxuries of life. If her husband spent 17 days of a month out of the country, signing huge deals, it was only to bring to his beautiful (on the outside) wife all the extravagances he knew, she had an eye for – perfumes from Paris, dresses from London, and lipsticks from New York. My father was basically running errands to populate my mother’s closet, in the guise of business meetings.

While her husband was on these business/shopping trips, the wife entertained another man in her bed.

There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy

ExPsychopathCover

Hello. I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

How to know if you were raised by a narcissist, and what to do about it

Raised by narcissistYou feel like a doormat, you are competitive with siblings, you have no sense of yourself. Worse yet, you can’t figure out why you feel the way you do.

An insightful article on Huffington Post, written by Anna Almendrala, suggests that your problem may not have originated with you, but with your parents. Maybe your parents were narcissists.

The article describes six ways you may feel or behave now, why your emotions or behaviors may be the result of a narcissistic parent, and how you can recover.

6 Signs you were raised by a narcissist, on Huffingtonpost.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

My father the sociopath: ‘I should just kill you’

Emotional young blondeEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Judith-Ann.”

Many of us grow up in homes of loud abuses. As children, constant new realities wail on our fledgling emotions, all too often beating them into submission. Some of us give up. Our sensitive natures can’t bear the hate of our own creators and we crash into ourselves in a thousand ways, catching fire until we burn out like stars, until there is nothing of ourselves but a black hole of self-hatred.

Co-parenting and Interactions with the Sociopath After the Divorce

by Quinn Piercequinn pierce photo

I sat on the edge of the stage watching the teams race up and down the court. It was the first game of my son’s basketball tournament. I knew my ex-husband was there, because I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot.  I wasn’t surprised that he was there, even though he said he wasn’t going.  He often changed his plans last minute, or lied entirely just to avoid giving a difinitive answer and to keep others off balance.

The Cost of a Sociopath

I’ve been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is:

All my life, I’ve been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques.

“For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.”

Something like that.

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