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For children of sociopaths

How psychopathic parents can affect children

A Lovefraud reader who posts as “Mani” asked a question that I’m sure is of interest to many others, so I’ll address it in a blog post. Mani writes:

I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys?

How psychopathic parents create complex trauma in their children

By Dr. Kathy Ahern

An earthquake strikes in the middle of the night. A four-year-old child is trapped in a demolished house. She is left without food or water, help or support for three terrifying days.

In a different city another child the same age is neglected by her self-absorbed parents. They ignore her cries of hunger and fear for three days.

Years later, the earthquake victim suffers no ill effects from her experience. The child who was physically and emotionally abandoned grows into an adult suffering from complex PTSD. The physical and emotional traumas were identical. So why the difference? Betrayal.

Learning that her father was a lying, cheating sociopath

Gift of loving a cheater

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When she discovered her father, who had always been her hero, had been conducting extramarital affairs for decades, Jasmin Rosemberg, wondered if she had inherited his traits. A journalist, she wrote about her fears on LennyLetter.com:

“What if I’d inherited his inability to commit, his desire to win and dominate other people rather than connect, his incapacity to truly feel and love?”

The pain of her discovery, she writes, quite possibly saved her.

Following in a sociopathic parent’s path, on LennyLetter.com.

 

 

Quelling is not coping — how my siblings and I dealt with our sociopathic mother

By Eleanor Cowan

In our family of ten children, our main objective was not to recognize the gross abnormalities of how we were treated, but to quell them. When a storm erupted, we’d leap into action. Unpredictable rages meant that we, Mother’s children, speedily grouped to control the situation and do as needed to quiet her distress and end the drama.

Lightning-fast signals fired between us: “Storm clouds overhead,” I’d say, or “Hurricane Warning!”

If Mother was revving up for a full-scale crackdown, “Earthquake! Earthquake!” would be whispered as we gathered our younger siblings to dash outside or hide in the basement.

Pawns: How psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists view their kids

Raised by narcissistPsychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists are incapable of love — even for their own children. According to Business Insider, Perpetua Neo, a psychologist who specializes in these personality disorders, says:

“Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths do not have a sense of empathy. They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone.”

Neo says that some of her clients were told by their disordered parents that, “The only reason I had you was so you could take care of me for the rest of your life.”

Why psychopaths cannot love their own children, according to a psychologist, on BusinessInsider.com.

How, as a child, I was groomed to be a people pleaser

By Eleanor Cowan

“Shut your big mouth and buzz off!” my mother exploded at me as she slammed a boiling hot cloth against my brother’s face – her cure for his chronic swollen acne.

“Do you know how much money your pimple treatment costs this family?” screamed mother. Pressing on another steaming square, she ignored Gordie’s pitiful cries. Slightly taller than my mother, my brother’s strong-muscled arms trembled at each side as tears streamed down his face.

A capable teenager, he could have landed her on the kitchen floor in an instant. Or, he could have run.

Forcing kids to bond with parents they don’t want to see

Sometimes, in high-conflict divorces, children do not want to have anything to do with one of their parents.

Many Lovefraud readers have seen their sociopathic ex-partners turn children away from them. They call it “parental alienation.”

But sometimes sociopathic parents fabricate claims of parental alienation in order to pry children away from the other parent. They claim the other parent is intentionally poisoning the kids against them, when, in fact, it is their own abusive behavior.

It can be very difficult to know what is going on and who is the abusive parent.

An inside look at sociopathic callousness and betrayal

Outraged blonde woman  with arms crossed on white backgroundIn a post on Yahoo!, here’s how a woman describes her mother:

She was a woman motivated solely by money and other shallow luxuries of life. If her husband spent 17 days of a month out of the country, signing huge deals, it was only to bring to his beautiful (on the outside) wife all the extravagances he knew, she had an eye for – perfumes from Paris, dresses from London, and lipsticks from New York. My father was basically running errands to populate my mother’s closet, in the guise of business meetings.

While her husband was on these business/shopping trips, the wife entertained another man in her bed.

There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy

ExPsychopathCover

Hello. I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

How to know if you were raised by a narcissist, and what to do about it

Raised by narcissistYou feel like a doormat, you are competitive with siblings, you have no sense of yourself. Worse yet, you can’t figure out why you feel the way you do.

An insightful article on Huffington Post, written by Anna Almendrala, suggests that your problem may not have originated with you, but with your parents. Maybe your parents were narcissists.

The article describes six ways you may feel or behave now, why your emotions or behaviors may be the result of a narcissistic parent, and how you can recover.

6 Signs you were raised by a narcissist, on Huffingtonpost.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

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