Explaining the sociopath

I recently attended a small party — about 15 people — at a friend's home. I got into a conversation with two women, neither of whom I knew before. They both revealed that, like me, they had endured relationship abuse. We started swapping stories. The first woman worked hard all her life, built a successful career, and then married the guy who, over about seven years, took advantage of her assets. She described his lies, mostly about money, as "gaslighting." The second woman had three children with a man who turned out to be a controller, moving her away from family and friends. She spent 20 years trying to shield the children from his destructive ways, then finally divorced him. I …

3 Tips for polite conversation about relationship abuseRead More

One winter, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I traded colds. I got sick first, and Terry made chicken soup and did what he could to make me feel comfortable. Then, despite my best efforts to keep my germs to myself, Terry got sick. By this time I was feeling better. So I went to the store and bought cold medicine, tissues and orange juice, because I'd used everything up. I made him chicken soup. I even made him a pot of chili. As I did all this, I noticed a warm feeling within me. It was the joy of taking care of someone I loved. I was concerned about his health and wellbeing. I was happy and energized to help him. It was a feeling sociopaths never experience, because sociopaths …

Why sociopaths can’t loveRead More

The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying. The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior. Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes. In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of …

Useless advice on how to spot a lieRead More

My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be "the next Walt Disney." When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it's all in my book, Love Fraud.) So you can imagine my surprise when I …

Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scamRead More

Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for 84 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism — after all, …

Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s whyRead More

The question was asked on Quora, and self-described psychopaths and sociopaths are responding. If you want to get a better understanding of how they think, read it in their own words. Here are some gems: "I see a world drowned by an emotional sea which I can observe, and recognize, but never feel. I watch this current sweep over the neurotypical world, causing all sorts of thoughts and behaviors which make so little sense to me that I might as well be an alien. I am able to predict some of the resulting repercussions, but for the most part, the reactions people have to this world of emotional illusion is well beyond reason. It is mass delusion and insanity, and because the majority rules, …

Quora: How psychopaths/sociopaths view the worldRead More

By Dr. Robert Moran It’s very important to know the difference between someone acting like a sociopath and someone who is a sociopath but also happens to suffer from addiction too. They are two different types of conditions. During childhood a sociopath has a condition known as conduct disorder. This is a condition in which the child does not follow rules, is aggressive toward others and toward animals, starts fights, uses weapons, is cruel, steals, destroys property, starts fires, lies, defies authority, is truant from school, etc. Throughout adolescence, this may develop into antisocial personality disorder, which is a pattern of disregard for the rights of others, along with …

Are Addicts Sociopaths?Read More