How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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With a sociopath, the promise “I’ll change” is just another con

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 43A: No Way Out At the end of the summer, before Jessica’s first year of high school and Daniel’s first year of middle school, I took them with me to spend four days in Vermont with my parents. I needed the weekend away from Paul to try to know my own mind. I did not tell Paul this, only that I wanted to take the kids to see my parents. When I had done this in the past, there was a …

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Wall Street Journal explains that anyone can be conned

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Sophisticated readers of the Wall Street Journal beware: You can be conned, just like the rest of us. The following article, by Susan Pinker, appeared in last weekend's edition: You can't be fooled by a con? Don't count on it, on WSJ.com. The Journal doesn't provide articles for free, so I'll provide a summary of key points: 35 million Americans fall for scams each year, according to the Federal Trade Commission. One reason we fall for scams is because we are biologically programmed to trust and cooperate. Research shows that we can detect a lie only about 50 percent of the time. The unconscious mind may be better at detecting lies than rational focus. So if you've been conned …

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If you don’t know about sociopaths, it’s easy to make bad decisions–very bad decisions

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Chapter 42: Writer’s Block Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. For a month, my work on this book stalled at this juncture. Yes, I had been distracted by the upcoming holidays, “life,” and Paul’s continual efforts to hurt me emotionally and drain my remaining assets through ongoing post-divorce litigation. I could also use the excuse that a seemingly inconsequential event that was a metaphor for my years with Paul (trying hard yet …

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Chaos, destruction and murder – the philosophy of a sociopath

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Lovefraud received a letter from a woman who we'll call Valerie. She met her husband, whom we'll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets. Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn't want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn't tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie's intuition told her to check her husband's Facebook page, where she found Dylan's love letters to another woman. Then Valerie found how Dylan described …

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An unwitting relationship with a sociopath changes us

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 41: Stronger  Over the next year, with Dr. Davis’s help, I changed, but Paul did not. As my emotional strength and awareness grew, albeit slowly, I started to understand one of Paul’s key manipulation tactics, and I refused to be sucked in. Paul had a habit of entangling me in things someone else had done to disappoint or upset him. To show support for my chronically busy and ove …

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Psychopaths are naturally skilled at spotting potential victims

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When I was married to James Montgomery, who was later diagnosed as a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn't know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on. “What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way. “What?” “Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.” “Do you know who she's married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans. Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published by Canadian researchers …

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In A Relationship With A Sociopath, We Come To Accept the Unacceptable

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 40: Whether I was alone or on the phone with a friend or my mother, tears flowed daily. I felt worthless, entombed in quiet despair. Hardly anyone would argue that, with Daniel twelve and Jessica going on fifteen, parenting would be a breeze. Yet, my parenting unraveled far more than can be attributed to dealing with two young teenagers or preteens. I grew increasingly s …

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Don’t try to understand their lies, because sociopaths ARE the lie

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Editor's note: This comment was posted by the Lovefraud reader "Stargazer" a few weeks ago. Readers have asked that it be highlighted as a post. By Stargazer You can try endlessly to figure out why a sociopath lies, but you can never quite grasp it because the motives are not really human as we know it. Sociopaths themselves ARE the lie. They lie because they lie because they lie. They lie because they can. They lie because it's fun. They lie because they want something in the moment. They lie because to them a lie has same value as telling the truth. Truth has no inherent virtue to them. And they mistakenly assume that because they lie, everyone lies. It is just a way of life to them. In …

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Romance Scams Part 4: Fake dating apps and malware

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Here's yet another take on the dangers of online dating: The website Information Security Buzz reports that a number of fake dating apps have been created specifically to record your private data. And some dating sites have spread malware and malicious content. So if you're involved with online dating, not only do you need to worry about suitors using fake profiles to steal your heart and your money, but you also need to worry about your computer being infected with a nasty virus. The risks associated with online dating just don't quit. The ins and outs of online love scams, on InformationSecurityBuzz.com. …

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Romance Scams Part 3: Malaysia busts four love scam syndicates and arrest 27 perps

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[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/aN848rHAv0E" title="Malaysian,%20Singaporean%20police%20bust%20Internet%20love%20scam%20syndicates"] Police from Malaysia and Singapore arrested 27 Internet love scammers in a joint operation on February 6-8. The criminals including 11 Nigerians and 14 women were members of four different crime syndicates. These thieves of hearts and money cheated 108 people in neighboring countries out of $4.9 million. All the syndicates were masterminded by Nigerians who entered Malaysia on student visas, according to David Chew, director of the Singapore police Commercial Affairs Department. Romance scams cost Australians more money than any other form of cheating, …

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