Explaining the sociopath

“The ends justify the means” — this is the basic philosophy Machiavellianism, and I heard the statement multiple times from my psychopathic ex-husband. Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism are the three personality disorders of the Dark Triad, and my colleague, Dan Jones, recently gave a TEDx talk on how to spot and deal with them. Dan is a psychology researcher and associate professor of management at the University of Nevada, Reno. He specializes in the Dark Triad, particularly Machiavellianism. This is a personality trait characterized by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest, according to Psychology Today.Niccolo MachiavelliThe trait is named for …

Dan Jones explains how to protect yourself from Dark Triad manipulatorsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. The behavior of some people in your life leaves you shocked and mystified. They tell stories that don't add up, in fact, they flat out lie. They are charming one minute and hateful the next. They hurt you, seemingly on purpose, and then act like nothing happened.You come to the conclusion that something is wrong with them. They need help. They should go to therapy.The behavior I described above is typical of psychopathy and other personality disorders. So can therapy help a psychopath?I once posted a link to an extensive article published by The Atlantic called, When Your Child Is a Psychopath, by Barbara Bradley Hagerty. I invite you to read this article, to provide …

Can therapy help a psychopath? 3 key factorsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That's what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, i …

Game theory and the sociopathRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who signed it "Tired of Being Targeted." Her letter is an opportunity to explain why we are all vulnerable to sociopaths. My son's wife sends me nasty text messages and leaves insulting voice messages. Then she complains to her husband I'm being rude and disrespectful to her. It's crazy making and she's clearly projecting.In the past I took the high road and didn't tell him but all it got me was year after year of estrangement from my son. With nobody to speak in my defense and expose the truth and her unfounded slander habit, I finally decided to send him a long letter and copy him on all her text messages. …

How the messages we hear all our lives keep us vulnerable to sociopathsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Why do they do it? If you've ever tangled with a psychopath, you've certainly asked yourself that question. Why do psychopaths engage in harmful and destructive behavior?Most psychopathy researchers explain the nasty behavior of these disordered individuals in terms of deficits. They say that because psychopaths lack empathy and impulse control, they engage in antisocial behavior.To Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom, this makes no sense — it implies that if it weren't for empathy and impulse control, everybody would be a psychopath. Deficits don't cause behavior, she says. Motivation causes behavior.Human motivational systemsIn a chapter that she wrote for the book P …

How disordered motivation explains psychopathic behaviorRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. One of the reasons why it's so difficult to explain what happens when you're involved with a sociopath is that you don't have the words. Because of the general lack of awareness about personality disorders in society, and the lack of education about it, for years there was no generally accepted terminology to describe various aspects of the experience. But descriptive language has evolved among online communities of survivors. Here are 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath. When you can name it, you can begin to recover from it. 1. Love Bombing When sociopaths set about reeling you in, a key seduction strategy is love bombing. They shower you with …

Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopathRead More

You probably have financial assets — bank accounts, credit cards, a good job, your own home, investments or pensions. If you’re also looking for a dating partner, know that having financial assets makes you a nice, juicy target.Sociopaths often hook up with romantic partners specifically for the purpose of draining your financial assets. Even if you’re not wealthy, and you just have regular income from a job, Social Security or disability income, these lowlifes will try to take whatever you’ve got.I learned this the hard way. When I met my ex-husband, who was age 55 at the time (although he lied about his age), I owned my home, was making good money from my writing business and putting money …

Protecting your financial assets from devious romantic partnersRead More