How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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John Robert Charlton arrested for murdering and dismembering woman he met online

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John Robert Charlton, 37, of Washington State, has been arrested in the gruesome murder and dismemberment of a woman whom he met online. A Seattle-area homeowner found body parts in his recycling bin, which were later identified as belonging to Ingrid Lyne, 40, a nurse and mother of three children from Renton, Washington. Lyne went with Charlton to a Seattle Mariners baseball game on Friday, April 8. She was reported missing the next morning. Charlton had a lengthy criminal history. In 2006, his parents filed a restraining order against him. They said he told his mother to watch the movie Hannibal, about a serial killer, and to "beware." Grisly details revealed in murder of Renton mom; …

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Victims of Sociopaths and Victim Blamers

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Searching for inspiration for this post, I stumbled across some pretty unattractive, “victim blaming” directed to someone who had been involved in a relationship with a person who is likely a sociopath. Victim Blaming  I find victim blaming unattractive for humanitarian and moral reasons, but I also find a deep irony in victim blaming—that the person accusing others of naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior, is in fact, themselves, displaying profound naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior. It's as if they are assuming that all people have the same experiences and opportunities, hence if someone is deceived by a sociopath, it can only be due to that person's inherent w …

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Frightening story of a stalker who wouldn’t quit

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A man in the U.K. stalked a woman and her husband for years. The couple decided to move away, and instead of abating, the stalking got worse. Eventually the stalker showed up at their door with a gun. Read the entire outrageous story: The stalker and the woman who refused to give in, on BBC.com.   …

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Sociopaths Serve Up Double Standards

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Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …

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Alleged Long Island pedophile and his official enablers

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  Cesar Gonzales-Mugaburu of Ridge, in Long Island, New York, apparently made a living by caring for foster kids. He took in six to eight kids at a time, and was paid as much as $18,000 a month. Gonzales-Mugaburu was arrested on March 18 and charged with molesting seven of the foster kids, and the family dog. This is bad enough, but the story gets worse. Debbie Edwards, a school social worker filed complaints against Gonzales-Mugaburu starting back in 1998, but school administrators told her to back off. The SCO Family of Services, the agency handling the placements, told Edwards that they would stop sending children to Gonzales-Mugaburu, but they continued to do it. Then it turns out th …

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Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior

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Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …

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On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad

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A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?”   Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …

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Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

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Chapter 8 Gut Instinct Isn't Enough Everyone talks about "gut instinct," but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut? I've never talked to anyone who doesn't believe that's the case. People seem to believe that we all have a "gut instinct" about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it than others. When we were dating, Wyatt and I used to walk along the railroad tracks next to his house for hours. They were abandoned tracks, but they still smelled of creosote and oil and tar. The gravel was pierced by only a few weeds with the strongest tap roots, …

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Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A Sociopath

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Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate.  Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …

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Revenge stalking, psychopathy, and the children

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I have access to some of the greatest minds in the world of psychopathy. For years, these individuals have studied, taught, researched, and written. Yet, when they have certain questions that they just don't understand, they ask me. At times, I sit back and think about how amazing that is. At others, I genuinely wish I had no clue about this subject. I lived with psychopathy. I watched it, learned, and put all of the pieces of this very complex puzzle together. Then, I spent a significant amount of time doubting whether or not it could be. But it was. It is. When I realized this, I set out to educate the world. I was on a mission that caused our worlds to collide. Before long, I …

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